Thanks as always Sue for replying.

It is getting worse. I've been saying “ by the day” but I think it's more like by the hour.

There is an appointment scheduled for this Monday. The doctor I mentioned above set it up however I actually think she forgot. My PCP who is part of the hospital umbrella reached out or in, whatever the case was and she called me at 945 pm. I was long gone. My sleep has radically changed I sleep whenever I'm tired and get out of bed whenever I wake up. Although I see light it is painful so I live in a cave. I've devised some ingenious ways to “ see” these posts but my eyes pour out tears while attempting to read and write.

The things in my life that have been drastically affected are things I never heard about nor thought about. Honestly I think it's open my brain up to “ seeing “ in ways I never considered nor thought about. In some ways it's amazing almost like taking LSD.

I've BEEN writing about all of those things.

But one thing that still worries me and concerns me is what really happened and how I can find out about CATARACTS AND CATARACT SURGERY. The doctor gave me a bunch of paperwork one pamphlet has an illustration of the surgery. Not seeing well what she was explaining seemed so different from what I thought. What I thought she said scares me for several reasons mostly because the surgery almost made no sense and also because I never knew that there are more than one type of cataract. Because I can't read well I have no way of knowing if the type of cataract plays a part in the surgery in any way? Who ever heard of two types of cataracts stacked on top of each other? Most doctors who have looked at my eyes seem not to see them until they try to look behind them. Then they say” I can't see the back of your eye. Even the retina test came back confusing to the doctors.

At times I've found this thick gelatinous stuff on my pupil or center of my eye that is a pain to remove. As stupid as this sounds it reminded me of the puss that comes out of a wound. So is this stuff coming out of my eye or gathering when I nod out? No doctor has seen this stuff and I only thought to save it once and it solidified before I could show anyone.

One doctor said there can be more than one thing going on “ so lets get rid of the cataract then we can deal with other things.

Last night I had nightmares but some of the nightmare happens in reality when I nod out during the day. When I wake up objects in the room are rearrsnged as if I'm looking at a Picaso painting. I have to blink and think about the room I'm in for the objects to fit back where they belong. When I told one doctor they said I was still dreaming. I'm getting screwed up from all of these different views of the world. Few are “ normal “ even if it's all just blurry colors and shapes.

One last piece of strange info. My shrink called telling me that he was very “ worried” and wanted me on a stronger medication. He suggested Zolift. At first I laughed think he was kidding me since my records has Zoloft as a drug that makes me “ homicidal “ and we had discussed this a few times. I reminded his that all of the SSRI”s make me “ crazy” so we agreed upon TRYING CYMBALTA 3 days after taking the medication I felt that “ crazy feeling “ slipping in. I called his office, he's on vacation but his nurse said I didn't get cymbalta but he sent me PROZAC. Hi records states that we agreed to that medication. He didn't know that I recorded the call. So HE MADE A MISTAKE!

Can you understand why I'm DAZED AND CONFUSED?

Thanks for listening