Hello @junkartist,

I am sorry to hear of the major upset in your family. Feeling estranged from your adult children has got to be heartbreaking.

As there is nothing you can do to change their feelings, I would strongly suggest that you give them time to adjust to these new feelings. If you do have the opportunity to talk to them, let them know that you respect their feelings and you would love to have a relationship with them again when they are ready. Be open to what they express and try not to judge their feelings

Are there grandchildren involved that you will miss seeing?

@junkartist I hope it helps, Keep in touch.

I feel your pain. My adult son lives with us and has suffered for 8+ years with major depression and hypersomnia. He wants to be independent, and thinks that means not telling me anything so I won't be critical. Similarly he wants extravagant praise for small items. He has always been more emotionally sensitive and fragile than his parents, both of whom are INTJ on the old type talk categories. While I have no answers, the concepts in the book "How to talk so your children will listen and listen so kids will talk" are worthy, as are the old type talk differences. I'm also exploring whether a book called "Living Well on the Spectrum" has points to consider. Inviting them to "an excellent meal" and biting your tongue to not bring up anything of a personal nature sometimes helps. Good luck, keep trying, but hope there's a backdoor to re-engage.

My wife's dad never had anything good to say about her or anyone and one day it came to a head and she said if you dont have anything good to say dont say it. 15 years later still no conversation between them and no relationship in sight.

The husband (now deceased) of a friend went through silence periods with one daughter, the biggest being about 5 years! He did pay for her college despite that, but she remained bitter. He was on depression meds, and probably resisted more or they weren't working. Keeping a line of communication open is hard but necessary

It's been painful for my son who since his divorce his daughter refuses to communicate with him. Her graduation from high school is soon and he is not invited to the ceremony. For a mother this is very hard to take. There is hardly any communication between me and my granddaughter as well. I'm wondering what it will take to have her come around.

I have a similar situation with my 15 yr old granddaughter. Her mother died when she was 3 1/2. I was babysitting her at the tiime. My belief is that she somehow associates me with the loss of her mother. My son remarried when this child was 5. She's had a loving mother for the last 10 years, but she remains unreachable to me.

I am so sorry for your situation with your children. My only child lives with his wife about 7 hours away from me. His in-laws live nearby, so they spend all holidays with them. I go to visit when I'm able, but I've had several health issues that make travel difficult. My grandchidren barely know me. I hate holidays. Everyone I know is happy about being with out-of-town family. I just pray for January 2 to come quickly while I stay home and cry most days.

I, too, have been cut off from contact with one daughter because we financially helped her sister during a divorce. There are also 2 grandkids involved whom we don’t see as well. In my opinion, the estranged daughter should be counting her blessings that she’s not the one in need. I may get some grief counseling. Estrangement seems a form of death to me.

I am going to look this book up. It sounds like the story of my life with ex-husband, and my kids seem to have picked it up, too. I think we grieve for the relationship we thought we would have their whole lives. Take care.