desperate for help

Posted by paparaines @paparaines, May 17, 2021

Hello, I am new to this website and I am not sure where to start, so here is my background. I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and have had this for many years. The last 3 years have really been the worst. I wake up each day dreading to face the day of anxiety and stress, finding myself often paralyzed to do anything. I stress out over things that are not real or that I just can not face like mowing or going on an errand by myself. I have lost all joy and desire to do things I used to like working outside on our property, doing my hobby of target shooting, etc. I am so sad and often dark all the time. I find my memory is sketchy both long and short term. I feel isolated from family and friends except for my wife and occasionally our son’s family for special events. I really just want to stay inside, on the couch, doing nothing, where it feels safe and I do not have to face my anxiety. I feel lonely, even though my wife is here and is really supportive of me. In fact, I have become very dependent on her for doing everything, which makes me feel bad/ashamed/guilty for not doing my share. I have had problems going to and staying asleep, though in the last 2 weeks that has improved some with low dose Serequel. I had major picnic attacks, which seem to have subsided with the addition of Rexulti. I have a psychiatrist who has been working with me to find the right med balance- it has only had limited success- I was told I may have a medication resistant form of depression I started seeing a psychologist for cognitive therapy ( only about 6 times), but she moved her practice and I have had no success in finding someone- most of them are not taking any more patients- still looking. What I really was hoping for was a med that would just work and turn off this depression and let me live my life. My wife tells me this is not realistic and that it needs to be a multipronged treatment,. Just writing this has been stressful. I came here because she suggested I might connect with others who are or have experienced what I am going through and perhaps I might find more strategies to help me deal with this daily fear and anxiety and depression that has robed me of my life, because right now I fear it will never go away.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | May 17, 2021

@paparaines- Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I believe that you came to the right place. It sounds as if you are having a rotten time. I know most of these feelings like the back of my hands. I've been depressed most of my life and I also have a lot of anxiety. I have tried a number of antidepressants and have finally found a combo that seems to work for now.

I have found that anti-depressants do not work alone. I have to exercise (I know, I know) eat a well-balanced diet, and be around people. I also have to do something that takes me out of myself, which for me is Connect. When I was trying out new meds some of them had me feeling just like you describe, a zombie. Could it be that you are over-medicated?

Mentors on Connect are not physicians. We are just like you, patients who help other people with the same sort of problems. Could you tell me a bit more about how long you have been on your new pill regime? Also, could your new meds or supplements be interacting with others that you might be taking?

davej | @davej | May 18, 2021

My name is dave what city and state are you in?

Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | May 18, 2021

In reply to @davej "My name is dave what city and state are you in?" + (show)

Good morning @davej. I do not give out my personal information. Is there something specific that I can help you with?

paparaines | @paparaines | May 18, 2021

In reply to @davej "My name is dave what city and state are you in?" + (show)

Dave
Near Brunswick Maine

davej | @davej | May 18, 2021

I read your post and sorry to hear about you. I'm glad your wife is their to help you. My family has issues.and sometimes just to get out for a walk and listen to birds and other animals with a loved on helps dave

paparaines | @paparaines | May 19, 2021

In reply to @merpreb "@paparaines- Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I believe that you came to the right place. It..." + (show)

Merry,
I was originally over medicated and had almost every side effect for every med. We cancelled all of them.

Now I’ve been on wellbutrion for about 9 months and added Rexulti about 2 months ago and Seroquel for about 2 weeks. I have been very fortunate not to have had withdrawal side effects as I’ve switched medications. These 3 together are not and my depression got worse so we added it back in.

Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | May 19, 2021

In reply to @paparaines "Merry, I was originally over medicated and had almost every side effect for every med. We..." + (show)

Welbutrin is great. It has really helped me a lot. When you first wrote you said that you were feeling rotten. Had this changed? Have you included activities that get you up and maybe walking a bit?

authorchris | @authorchris | May 20, 2021

I've had side effects from every class of anti-depressant on the market despite suffering from depression for 40 years or more. So I take nothing except 1 mg. of valium which helps me to sleep. On a particularly bad day, I may take 1 mg. additional during the day. For me, the key is getting out for a walk mid-day when the sun is the brightest. In addition, I need interaction with people. Unfortunately, the internet doesn't work as well for me. I need to see people face to face. I'm really a shy person, so this is not always to arrange. I've had to overcome my shyness and stick my neck out in order to maintain my sanity. Laughter is the very best medicine for me, but it's difficult to do if you're alone. I"m also challenged by the fact that I have very little family, and none of them live anywhere near me. I rely on my husband and my friends entirely.

zaa | @zaa | May 21, 2021

In reply to @authorchris "I've had side effects from every class of anti-depressant on the market despite suffering from depression..." + (show)

It’s good that you know you need nature and interactions with people. I’ve had major depression for 15+ years and take my meds which help. I find that I withdraw from everything sometimes which is worse thing one can do. I’ve used SAD lights in middle of winter and belong to gym to socialize and do yoga. I’m also very much alone and that feeling can make it worse. Have you tried taking up something new....like meditation, yoga, music is great to listen to or play instrument. I’m trying to learn piano which helped me over this COVID year. Had a circle of friends that I walked with this winter and spring which I think saved me. Thankfully, this winter wasn’t a bad one and got out most days.

buyearly | @buyearly | May 22, 2021

In reply to @authorchris "I've had side effects from every class of anti-depressant on the market despite suffering from depression..." + (show)

Thank you for your bravery in posting. I, too, am that shy, depressed/bipolar for about 50 yrs., tried almost every med on the market which didn't help! I was finally led to a Dr. who prescribed Lithium and I've been taking it for almost 30 yrs with almost no side effects. I know every body is different and how we process Rx's but maybe you could look into it. That, with prayer and Bible study can get you through. Also, NEVER give up and keep working with Drs. to help you.