@mariabrat I live in northern Wisconsin in the US. Right now our high for the day was 42 degrees. We had 60 yesterday for a little teaser of nice weather! This next weekend it is supposed to be in the 70s. So I think we’re going to be having your weather. My friend who lives in Gera, north of you in Germany, said it’s been just gorgeous, We’re jealous. LOL

I’m not sure I always have the right words, but thank you for that. I’m just sad you’re not feeling well and it’s taking so long to get answers with a solution for you. Our bodies are amazingly complex and unfortunately didn’t come with an owner’s manual. Though we live in an age of phenomenal discoveries and treatments, it isn’t always easy to diagnose what’s going on. You mentioned your ANA was positive but no autoimmune disease. There are different aspects to that test as well, so maybe combined with the results of your BMX there will be some answers for you. All these test show me your doctors have your back on this! I don’t think you’ll get a call ahead of your appointment. 😊

It’s perfectly human/normal to speculate and have the ‘What IF’ thoughts but they can be so mentally and physically draining. Plus having to go through this period of uncertainty alone has to be affecting you too. It’s easy to become depressed when you feel a little hopeless.
May I ask what is your worst fear? It is so natural to always fear the worst! I know we talked about that earlier. You were sad about potentially missing out on activities and such if you are ill and had to go through treatments. Think about it this way, it would be a small price to pay to miss a few months or however long to possibly cure you for a lifetime.
My leukemia and subsequent bone marrow transplant took the better part of a year. 4 months of that my husband and I had to take up temporary residence in Rochester, Minnesota. My transplant was at Mayo Clinic and I was required to be near the clinic for 100 days. That went by so quickly. And now, if I make it to 24 months (AND I WILL) my transplant doctor tells me statistically my cancer won’t return and it was all a success. I’m at 21 months and my latest BMX in January was still clear. Would I do it all over again? Yes!! I’d gladly sacrifice a year out of my life to insure another 20+. (I’m 67). Sometimes what we fear most in our heads isn’t the worst case scenario at all.

I truly hope you feel better this week so that you can spend some enjoyable time with your partner. But you know, you’ve been apart for a month I think? Even just some quiet snuggle time, watching movies or a little stroll at this point will be good medicine for you. I wish I could give you a big hug, because you sound like you need one. Call your mom. 😘 Wishing you peace...Lori.
P.S. Happy Birthday!! 🎂🎁🎈