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A depressed teen here. Gonna be long and boring but need help
Hello, thanks for stopping by.
Sorry for my English and grammar, I'm not from the US.
By the end, you may say "oh wow why I'm reading about this kid" I won't blame you I don't deserve your time honestly. And it's really long 🙁
I'm 19. This is probably my first time to talk about myself in public as I've never asked for help or express my feelings on social media and tried to keep them separate.
I've been feeling very unwell lately. Not interesting reasons but it's what it's. Exams are like within 2 weeks and I haven't prepared at all. "So you're a careless teen who keeps complaining hah?". I really tried but of course not enough. Every time I start studying I get immediately distracted, dizzy and depressed. I can't stop thinking that I won't make it and finish at least a few of the many topics that I've. Btw, I'm a 2nd-year medical student. My last year's grades were almost ok. I got a C & a D and both combined were C. This was on the first term of my schools as the second was just a pass or fail and I passed. I used Mayo Clinic a lot during the past 1 and a half years and I just found this "Contact" tap or forum (don't know what to call it). I hope I'm not miss-using it as I don't know but I feel stupid and I shouldn't be here.
I became very unorganized and careless since I joined and I'm always way behind my classmates and classes was the only way I had to gain a small amount of self-confidence as I've been feeling worthless and started to get these ideas about how I'm nothing and don't deserve to be in this school or taking somebody's place, and even thoughts about suiciding or donating my organs. My family is very supportive but by which I mean taking good care of me. I'm scared to talk to them about anything. They won't believe it as I'm a lazy person who is fooling around with his phone 24/7. And looks like my brother and sister are studying really well.
Recently, I tried to talk to a girl who doesn't really know me, or neither do I. But she blocked me after 4 months of talk. I guess she was disappointed with the way I act so worthless and emotional all the time and "scared of losing her". She, my exams, my thoughts, and my whole future were floating in front of me every time I open a notebook, PDF, etc. I believe in God but my connection to God is probably none I don't pray and kinda embarrassed to do so.
Is it too late to talk to anyone from my school, teachers, and doctors? and for some reason, I guess they won't understand or I won't follow their advice and keep going through this stupid circle. Also, I don't live in an area where there're psychologists to visit. And would be embarrassed to try that out while I'm at college a maybe because of my family traditions?
This is nothing to what I had 3 years ago which was tragic but I managed to stay strong and came on top of my school.
Unfortunately, This is not the case this time.
Thanks so much for reading this <3
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@led
I am not sure I can add much value to what others have replied to you already. I read your posts and most of the others also. Here is what I can offer you. I was a very mixed up and depressed young person. I met my wife at age 25 and we married. She started from day one asking me all kinds of questions about myself. I learned more about myself in the first 6 months of knowing her than I had learned in the first 25 years. She turned out to be the best therapist for me, and I had never even thought to seek out a therapist.
My basic point is that I think you could be benefitted greatly if you could find a therapist to help you figure yourself out and get to know yourself better. Why do you have the thoughts and feelings you have? Why do you often tend to put yourself down (as you seem to)? Questions like this often have answers that are discoverable. These answers can lead to you starting to do positive things to work on your mental/emotional problems. Try to find a smart and caring therapist. Easy to say, less easy to do. But if you can find the right person, maybe it could help you discover a lot of things about yourself you had no idea about. That is what happened to me. Best, Hank
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3 Reactions@led I apologize if you interpreted what I said as meaning that being a doctor is the only chance you will have for a proper job. That's not what I meant at all, and I don't think that. You must be very smart and have a variety of skills to have gotten into medical school. I have no idea what the economy in Egypt is like at the moment, what the unemployment rate is, or what other prospects for employment there might be. Since tourism plays such an important role in your economy, I think things must be challenging now since the tourists are staying home. I didn't intend to offer any advice one way or the other on what you should do about becoming a doctor. I just hope you will take care of yourself, be well and be happy. Music is such a wonderful way to express our emotions. I recommended that song writer because he writes songs about depression that you might identify with and has a facebook page (not web site) where people share their experiences about depression. It was so helpful to me when I was depressed to know I wasn't alone and other people understood what I was going through. You might find some people on his facebook page to talk to...which could help a lot. When are your exams? You have several people here hoping you do well!!! Take care, Nancy
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2 Reactions@led... gosh no! Husband and I been married 40 years... after supper I come up to my room and watch tv or go on Ipad I dont drink... He goes to big TV in basement and watches his favourite shows and has a glass of wine or two..... we see each other all day. What I meant to convey was: I am searching for help on Internet for my issues daily, which can be stressful, and on this great site, and hope also to talk to others about what has helped me too... but my health , mental and physical is all-consuming and sometimes just wish I could watch some of the mundane tv shows as he does, totally enoying...and put up my feet and have a drink and relax as he does. I get a prescription and read it all and worry about it; he is on 15 meds, puts the pills in his hand and washes down with - yep - a glass of wine and hasn't read one thing about the meds he is on/side effecs... just wish sometimes I could be that trusting and less anxious.
I like You Tube for "guided meditation for xxxxx" but pay $12 a month so I dont get ads. I dont like the ones with binatural beats in or music in background or waves but some do... so I just search for such and such, "voice only." I have been trying to get my daughters to listen to them when they cant sleep but they wont! I can honestly say although they have not cured me or changed my life dramatically, I have settled myself down and felt Peace by listening to them many times... with or without headphones ... thanks for saying you might try... we all would like to help each other even in small ways . J.
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1 Reaction@led. We are here for you and will not judge anything you say. The support of this Forum has helped me with my depression and anxiety. Please keep sharing but only if you want to. Jen
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3 Reactions@led. I wanted to say something else and repeat something I said before. I was in graduate school when I had my first bout of depression. I could NOT concentrate on my studies, was exhausted all the time, had no energy, felt worthless, and could not do the work. It had nothing to do with my being lazy, irresponsible, not worthy to be there, etc. I was suffering from an illness that changed my brain chemistry and overtook my life. I dropped out, concentrated on getting well, and went back to graduate school when my depression subsided, and did very well. I am really worried about you and what might happen if you fail your exams and have to repeat a year. If that happens, it will not be the end of the world. You are not a failure, you just failed your exams because you have an illness that zapped all your energy, changed your brain chemistry, and took over your life. You have your whole life ahead of you; and I can say as an older person of 74 years having to repeat a year over the course of a lifetime isn't very significant. You may not have received a diagnosis of clinical depression from a trained professional, as some people on this thread implied. However, in my opinion, from reading what you yourself said, from having experienced two episodes of major depression myself, and from having read extensively about depression, I think you are. If you are, it is not something you can will away. It is a medical problem and will not go away by itself. You have to get help, which includes getting a proper diagnosis from a doctor. I reached out for help from a medical doctor who prescribed antidepressants, a therapist and a depression support group, all of whom helped me get over my first bout of depression. You said you couldn't reach out to people for help now because your exams are so close. Will you reach out for help after your exams? I really liked what Hank wrote, and it brought back memories of what my life was like during my first years of college. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and it is pretty unrealistic to think a young person would know this. I didn't figure it out until I was in my late 30s and had had a lot of different jobs over the years leading me in the direction of what I really wanted to do. My parents continually pressured me to study business so I could get a proper job. I knew they loved me and were concerned about my future, but it wasn't what I wanted to do. I think that was what Erika was saying that you misunderstood. She was encouraging you to discover what you want to do, which might not be a doctor. Your English is really good, by the way. I watched a show last week about the new Egyptian museum at Giza and have been totally amazed to read about the new tomb findings in Egypt. I would love to come back someday but think I'm an armchair traveler now. I totally believe knowledge is power and encourage you to read as much you can about depression. I don't think you realize yet what a terrible disease it is and that it has nothing to do with what kind of person you are or your selfworth. Depression depletes your energy and makes you exhausted, but that doesn't mean you are a lazy person. Depression makes it impossible to concentrate on your studies, but that doesn't mean you are frivolous or irresponsible or don't deserve to be in medical school. Do you see what I mean? I hope some of these ramblings make sense to you. Take care. Nancy
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4 Reactions@led I've worked on a campus as a graduate student and during finals is when most students needed help.
I'm not saying you don't belong at school. It does however sound like you are struggling but I don't know you or your situation enough to make a judgement like that.
You are saying essentially saying that you feel hopeless, worthless, lazy, and that the only way for you to have a future with a good career and a good life later is to pass your exams. Did I get that right? That is a lot of pressure to put on yourself.
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1 ReactionIt may seem like it would be embarrassing to see someone for help, but you'd be amazed what a difference it would make. If you're open and honest and have a good therapist who interacts with you, it will most likely be helpful. There is nothing that makes you less of a person to ask for help! It sounds like you are under a lot of stress and having someone to bounce that off of and point out that you may be approaching the way you look at something, in a new way can be very helpful. We can get easily discouraged if we are struggling with things and another pair of eyes to help you look at it can make a difference if you have an open mind. If you get the courage up to try a therapist of some type don't get discouraged if they aren't a good fit sometimes it takes a few to really find one who clicks for you. It's not you it's the therapist you'll find a good one. Sometimes if they challenge you, and you feel uncomfortable they may be the one because of that if it's uncomfortable because you realize they may be right. I would strongly recommend you find a therapist given what you've said in your post and speaking from experience similar to yours in ways. I am much older now but went through some similar tuff when I was around your age.
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1 ReactionHi, sad story. Have you seen a psychiatrist? Maybe a med would help you.
@razzmaster Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect, a place to give and get support.
Very wise words. It sounds like you have a lot of support to give.
May I ask what brings you to Connect?
Mostly I just want to connect with people and if I can reach out to someone in trouble and help them with a problem I'm more than willing to offer support. I've been there many times over when it comes to severe depression and no how troubling and scary it can be.