Depression and anxiety that stem from ptsd, abuse/neglect

Posted by Jj @daphne47, Dec 30, 2020

I have depression and anxiety that stem from ptsd, abuse/neglect. I've fought my entire life for my sanity, making good steps with my mental health. Then boom, chronic illness. Fought this too. But I haven't had much relief or answers for 15 years. I'm burnt out pretty good right now and really hopeless. Not sure if my situation can change. Just feel I'm losing myself. I take medication and see a great therapist. This is not just a one time low...just tired of fighting for nothing. Can anyone relate? I'm not trying to get anyone down, everyone's situation is different, I guess I just want to express myself cause I don't have a lot of people to say this to. I understand accepting things, but it just seems like my life is stuck, whatever I do. I'm not afraid to live with disabilities, but, physically, my body is kicking my own arse. Feeling alone, defeated, and defective.

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@daphne47 I just went back to your first message, starting this conversation, and I hope you know you're not alone. I learned in 2003 that the way I was feeling had a name, though I didn't see any mental health professional until 2006. I learned from him that depression was just one of the issues he diagnosed - PTSD, anxiety disorder, OCD, and depressive bipolar. That pretty much explained to me why I had made several suicide attempts during 2005-'06.

It was a long time before medication and therapy got me out of the deep, dark hole, like 5 years. Then I started experiencing peripheral neuropathy pain, and life really changed. Having both depression and chronic pain is so hard!

By now, my depression isn't obvious to others, but it's a constant presence, just under the surface, kind of like walking on thin ice. The same is true of PTSD and suicidal thoughts.

But here I am, 15 years later. I still see a therapist, and my wife still loves me, my faith is my foundation, and my service dog always has me in her sight. Some things do get better, but some things don't change. Major (chronic, clinical) depression is a lifetime illness for some people. Part of my therapy is learning to accept that, while at the same time changing the things I can change. For a long time, I couldn't believe what people told me, that it does get better, because I was in that dark hole for so long, but even though the depression and everything else are still there, it is better. Many days it's bearable. I hope that many of your days are at least bearable.

Jim

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Profile picture for kimcvi @kimcvi

Hi Kim here, I think you are so right. I use to be very shy about my symptoms but now when I get a new Dr. I politely tell them that I am very honest about how I feel and my symptoms should not get dismissed. That they have no idea what turmoil my body is going through and that I would like the common curtesy of respect and to listen to me. For me as long as I say it with respect and I am polite they cannot get mad at me. I like my dr’s at the Mayo because even though my symptoms my not fit my disease they do not dismiss me are willing to find out why this is going on. So please do not ever stop being an advocate on you health you will find a honest and caring doctor who will listen. 🤞🤞

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@kimcvi Am a bit leary because I've tried this and still got dismissed.

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I can relate that this doesn’t always work but all I am saying is not all doctors are bad listeners. I have had my share and still have a PCP that won’t take the time for my condition, he made it pretty clear that he has no idea what this is and he cannot help me. I have found a neurologist close to home that is willing to work with me and the Mayo as he is a nerve doctor not muscle doctor. So I am just hopi g that just because a doctor won’t listen to not give up and hopefully there is one out there that will listen.
Kim

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Profile picture for kimcvi @kimcvi

I can relate that this doesn’t always work but all I am saying is not all doctors are bad listeners. I have had my share and still have a PCP that won’t take the time for my condition, he made it pretty clear that he has no idea what this is and he cannot help me. I have found a neurologist close to home that is willing to work with me and the Mayo as he is a nerve doctor not muscle doctor. So I am just hopi g that just because a doctor won’t listen to not give up and hopefully there is one out there that will listen.
Kim

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@kimcvi Hi Kim I can relate. After 10 years or so my psychiatrist diagnosed me with refractory depression and anxiety - no medications help or any other types of counseling etc. I also was recently diagnosed with PTSD. Every day is a challenge just to get out of bed and complete basic hygiene functions.

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Profile picture for Jim, Volunteer Mentor @jimhd

@bustrbrwn22 I haven't noticed any improvement in my neuropathy pain. Unfortunately, I stepped up my morphine dose from 15mg tid to 30mg bid at the same time, and had my spinal cord stimulator adjusted at the same time, as well. I have a personal policy of making only one change at a time, but I messed up this time. I think that the stimulator adjustment had the most effect on my pain, but I also know that morphine is an important part of my pain management.

I ran out of Cymbalta Saturday, and I'm waiting for a refill. Fortunately, withdrawal from it isn't causing any serious problems.

The pain in my feet and ankles is generally tolerable. As I sit here in my recliner, it's around 7 or 8. That's my new normal, I guess. A lot of people have much worse.

Have you been able to observe any effect from Cymbalta yet? I had always thought it was just an antidepressant, but I've learned that it's approved by the FDA for fibromyalgia and neuropathy, among others.

Jim

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@jimhd my eyes hurt and my pulse is racing and headaches all day long I feel like I’m having a mini panic attack all day long. Someone on Mayo Connect let me know eye damage can be a result from Cymbalta so I stopped taking it. I told my pain nurse practitioner about the eye pain and she said that’s not good and lowered the dose. My thinking is I need my eyes so I stopped taking it. I think she should have stopped me taking it all together when I told her about my eyes and racing heart.
Thanks for listening!

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I feel for each one of you who are getting the wrong meds. 😔😔 I believe that we all know our bodies and the side effects that certain medications do, Stay Strong💪🏻💪🏻 Everyone and don’t give up. There is someone out there who will listen.!!
Virtual HUGS and Love to All💕🥰💕

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Don’t blame yourself for uncaring doctors. They do not know your inside turmoil. I write everything down weeks before my appts and I make a copy for the doctor so when I see them we go through the list together. Easier said then done I know, it took me many years to get the courage up to give the dr.the list but with a rare disease that is not common here in the United States I had to get the courage and do this. I even had to put all my symptoms on paper and request that my PCP put them in my chart. That was really tough. Keep going and one day that special doctor will be there if not your PCP ( as mine isn’t there for me) there might be a specialist that will.

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@lacy2 My ophthalmologist does check the pressure in my eyes and so far it's normal. I see from your experience that it's a good thing to have checked.

Jim

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Profile picture for bustrbrwn22 @bustrbrwn22

@kimcvi Hi Kim I can relate. After 10 years or so my psychiatrist diagnosed me with refractory depression and anxiety - no medications help or any other types of counseling etc. I also was recently diagnosed with PTSD. Every day is a challenge just to get out of bed and complete basic hygiene functions.

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Can so relate!!

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