bustrbrwn22, I understand exactly. I hate that you feel this way.

I find my answers in the bible which has the best explanation for everything.

For me, it makes sense. The bible teaches that we're in spiritual warfare which takes place in our thoughts. It calls Satan the father of lies, the accuser and that he seeks to devour and destroy.

Whenever I get stinkin' thinkin', only occasionally every minute or so, I stop the thought and wallpaper my mind with God's truth: Who we are to Him, how He feels about us, His promises to us, what eternal life with Him through Christ, will be like, etc.

I have written a lot about this. Have you seen thise posts? If not and you're interested, let me know and I will copy and paste them into a private message for you.

I understand self-loathing to the max! God doesn't call perfect
people.

A really cool exercise my therapist taught me was to look into a mirror three times a day and talk to the vision of myself as I would talk to someone I love very much. Very loving, very kind, very warm, encouraging, building up that person you see in the mirror as you would your best friend or someone you love very deeply.

I found this exercise almost impossible to do at first. It took a lot of practice but it really works. She said it takes about three weeks of doing it three times a day but definitely to go longer if necessary and at minimum, after the three weeks or once it is working, then to continue it in a regular periodic that works for you.

I think the way you will know when it is working, is when these self derogatory thoughts and things we say out loud to ourself begin to diminish and eventually go away. They will of course try to pop back up and that's when we know we need to be doing this exercise again.

I am not a licensed therapist so can only share what has work for me when I saw a really good therapist for a very small. Of my life a few years ago when I had to retire because my body was failing me.

I was bullied a lot in my life for my weight and always trying to earn the approval of people. God says in the Bible that we shouldn't do that and only need to be concerned with his approval not to be confused with his love which is unconditional.

I will be praying for you and that you can get past this in your life and understand your value. You are made in the image of God!

I care very deeply about your well-being and will be thinking of and praying for you! Warmest regards, Sunny flower. 😊

@bustrbrwn22 Does it really matter to feel if your condition was brought on by Karma? I don’t think so. What is important is for you to accept your current health condition and be able to move on. Do yourself a favor by caring. Help yourself find answers for a better life. We are all here to listen and give suggestions, but it is you that has to ultimately want and need the help. Reach for it! Wish you well. Toni