Lillypaws, I am sorry I misled you. I have written about my past, and have been free and widowed for 14 years. My problem is buried in the local cemetery two miles north. I did the alcohol classes, I saw three psychiatrists and a psychologist, I spent time away as much as I could, I studied in college, and I prayed much. I learned about mental illness, and now am living a wonderful life, reaching out to others so they can learn to make changes for themselves. Do not feel sorry, as I am a winner at life. Dorisena