Downsizing, To Move or Not to Move? That is the Question

@starchy Welcome to Mayo Connect! I certainly appreciate your words this morning, and the message you so eloquently give serves to underscore my endeavors. There are very relevant points made. You cheer me on, whether you know it or not. What are the two things that you miss the most from your last living situation?

How did you find Mayo Connect, may I ask?
Ginger

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Hi, Ginger I found Mayo connect because of my interest in health and lifestyle medicine. Somebody sent me a link to something that brought me here. Don't remember exactly what. I am interested in healthy aging, as I'm sure we all are.

I miss my garden (especially my compost pile) and my last home was walking distance from the lake. I can fairly easily reach the lake from my new home and I just have to content myself with recycling my organics with the city.

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@starchy, I am glad that you have joined and shared on Connect. You have pretty much summarized our (husband and my) thoughts of wanting to make the decision while young enough and healthy enough to enjoy the benefits. You said that you spent a couple of years planning and preparing, organizing, minimizing. That makes sense to me, and gives me a starting point.

When did you transition from planning stage to the committment to move? Did you have a tentative time frame in mind when you started out with your planning and minimizing?

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I moved about a year ago from a 3 bedroom house in the suburbs to a "one bedroom plus den" condo in the city. The change has been wonderful. No more lawn to maintain or driveway to shovel. No more roof replacement or deck staining. No more squirrels trying to infiltrate. No more car maintenance because I don't need a car anymore. I now spend my time doing things I enjoy and can walk to pretty much everything I need. If I need a car, I can rent one although I have only done that once so far. Uber is always available and, for the cost of owning a car, I can take a lot of Ubers or taxis but almost never need to.

I spent a couple of years planning, organizing and minimizing to get ready. It is surprisingly hard to get rid of things that we might think are valuable because nobody wants them. Younger people don't care about fancy china or sets of matching crystal. As for silverware, who wants to be bothered? I was able to sell some things on consignment but even consignment stores set limits because they know many items won't sell. I didn't want to be bothered with a series of yard sales so some things just ended up going to thrift stores, one carload at a time. Hopefully someone bought them for a couple of dollars. Some things I just put out at the curb and someone would usually come along and take them. One of the effects of downsizing has been to make me consider very carefully before buying anything at all because every single thing that we buy will have to be disposed of eventually and much of it will end up being garbage. The planet can't cope with much more garbage.

One of the big deciding factors for me in making this move was that I wanted to do it while I was young enough and healthy enough to make my own decisions, manage the work and enjoy the benefits. This was empowering and launched a new chapter in my life, rather than having someone make decisions for me.

Also, I wanted to save my children from the work of having to deal with all my stuff. They have their own stuff. My mother modeled this for me. She downsized her enormous old country house and arranged her own funeral. Because she lived at a distance from me, that was the greatest gift she could ever have given me and I plan to give my family the same. I offered my children the choice of whatever they wanted and they took very little.

Another big factor was the housing crisis that we are experiencing here in Toronto. Why should I be holding onto a big house with a yard when a young family could live there and really take advantage of it? I raised my kids there and now someone else can do the same.

At no time during this past year have I regretted my choices, even for a minute. It was a lot of hard work and some tough decisions but I wouldn't change any of it. Only once have I had to go out and buy something that I downsized and that was just a little kitchen gadget. There is a documentary called "Minimalism" that I found quite practical and useful. If worst comes to worst, there are companies that will do this for you. Just tell them what you want to keep and they will dispose of everything else by the most appropriate means. A great time saver and probably well worth the money.

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@zep, You make me smile! Wellll, good dirt leads to good results, yes? Autumn and May Night Salvias are 2 of my mainstay perennials as well as yarrow, Shasta daisies…oh, don’t get me started..lol
My all time favorite though is a soft curving spread of New England Asters which die back in winter but make the most striking light purple burst of color in the fall. They are a stunning backdrop for fall mums.

So,I’m not wanting to play one upmanship of course because this is a place of sharing not competition, right? But, if you think pollinating zucchini flowers with Q-tips is “kinky”, what would you say to starting your own celery and carrots by cutting off the ends of several fresh-from-the-grocery stalks, placing them in a shallow dish of water and watching the tops sprout???? Beyond help? Needs to get a life? Must be realllly hungry? VBG stands for very big grin but I like “guffaw” even better!

Thanks @lilypaws, Laughing because “hoot” is one of the first words little Texans are taught. Think it is a pre-requisite for kindergarten here. Hugs

@starchy, Thank you so much for your thoughtful, very encouraging downsizing post. Each of the reasons you used in making your decisions are the priorities for me as well.

I’ve been giving considerable thought to making a move for a couple of years. While my original plan was to move into an independent sr. living establishment which also provided “graduated care” as needed, the covid virus has me rethinking that. The virus has had devastating effects on nursing homes and while different from what I’d been thinking of moving to, that has made me be so thankful that I am still in my own “stand alone” home.

One of the appeals for me was the “built-in” social opportunities in a senior facility. What has it been like for you socially in moving from the suburbs to the city?

Like you, I am still young enough and healthy enough to make my own decisions and want to spare my out-of-state family the time,effort and hardship of having to deal with all connected with a move later.
Already disposing of and donating things in this pre-planning stage has also made me very aware of making new purchases.

What you wrote needs to be read and considered by every consumerism driven adult.
“One of the effects of downsizing has been to make me consider very carefully before buying anything at all because every single thing that we buy will have to be disposed of eventually and much of it will end up being garbage. The planet can't cope with much more garbage.” Wow! I love this! Can’t express adequately how encouraging it is to hear from someone who has made the move that you have no regrets about your decision. Thank you.

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Thank you for your kind words.

There was one social thing that made it easier for me to leave my old home. For a number of reasons, I had never developed really deep friendships with my old neighbours. My kids never went to the local schools. Most families on the street were either younger or older than we were. My husband had long term health issues. I was often busy working long hours, etc. My neighbours were nice people and we were friendly but we never developed those deep connections so I didn't feel the wrench of leaving them behind.

I actually find socializing much easier now because I don't have so far to travel. I used to have to drive about half an hour to the subway. Now I just walk a block to the station. My friends and I meet close to the subway line so it's simple for all of us. I have reconnected with some long ago friends who happen to live in the new neighbourhood and, because of the change of location, I am able to spend more time with a couple of volunteer organizations that are full of lovely people.

My main source of friendship and community is my Unitarian church. It's easily accessible from my new place and there are always activities, volunteer jobs and social events going on. It was my fallback when I retired. I never worried about what I was going to do with all my "free" time once I quit working.

Of course, the time will come when I won't be able to just hop on the train so easily and I have thought, like you, about the benefits of "built in" social activities. I agree that well run seniors' homes are vastly preferable to little old folks living in isolation but Covid has definitely pointed up the disadvantages of nursing homes. Over the years, friends and I have often talked about a "Golden Girls" arrangement. There is a lot to be said for co-housing for people who have some money to invest in it. A few friends buying a place large enough to each have a private "bed sit" with a big common area for eating and socializing. Built in card parties and movie nights. Lots of money saved by only having one structure, one laundry room, one furnace, maybe one vehicle, etc and eventually maybe one support person to help out. It's a thought.

Meanwhile, the goal is to stay as healthy and strong as possible for as long as possible. As someone I know often says, "Healthy, healthy, healthy, dead".

Jump to this post

@zep, You make me smile! Wellll, good dirt leads to good results, yes? Autumn and May Night Salvias are 2 of my mainstay perennials as well as yarrow, Shasta daisies…oh, don’t get me started..lol
My all time favorite though is a soft curving spread of New England Asters which die back in winter but make the most striking light purple burst of color in the fall. They are a stunning backdrop for fall mums.

So,I’m not wanting to play one upmanship of course because this is a place of sharing not competition, right? But, if you think pollinating zucchini flowers with Q-tips is “kinky”, what would you say to starting your own celery and carrots by cutting off the ends of several fresh-from-the-grocery stalks, placing them in a shallow dish of water and watching the tops sprout???? Beyond help? Needs to get a life? Must be realllly hungry? VBG stands for very big grin but I like “guffaw” even better!

Thanks @lilypaws, Laughing because “hoot” is one of the first words little Texans are taught. Think it is a pre-requisite for kindergarten here. Hugs

@starchy, Thank you so much for your thoughtful, very encouraging downsizing post. Each of the reasons you used in making your decisions are the priorities for me as well.

I’ve been giving considerable thought to making a move for a couple of years. While my original plan was to move into an independent sr. living establishment which also provided “graduated care” as needed, the covid virus has me rethinking that. The virus has had devastating effects on nursing homes and while different from what I’d been thinking of moving to, that has made me be so thankful that I am still in my own “stand alone” home.

One of the appeals for me was the “built-in” social opportunities in a senior facility. What has it been like for you socially in moving from the suburbs to the city?

Like you, I am still young enough and healthy enough to make my own decisions and want to spare my out-of-state family the time,effort and hardship of having to deal with all connected with a move later.
Already disposing of and donating things in this pre-planning stage has also made me very aware of making new purchases.

What you wrote needs to be read and considered by every consumerism driven adult.
“One of the effects of downsizing has been to make me consider very carefully before buying anything at all because every single thing that we buy will have to be disposed of eventually and much of it will end up being garbage. The planet can't cope with much more garbage.” Wow! I love this! Can’t express adequately how encouraging it is to hear from someone who has made the move that you have no regrets about your decision. Thank you.

Jump to this post

Thank you for your kind words.

There was one social thing that made it easier for me to leave my old home. For a number of reasons, I had never developed really deep friendships with my old neighbours. My kids never went to the local schools. Most families on the street were either younger or older than we were. My husband had long term health issues. I was often busy working long hours, etc. My neighbours were nice people and we were friendly but we never developed those deep connections so I didn't feel the wrench of leaving them behind.

I actually find socializing much easier now because I don't have so far to travel. I used to have to drive about half an hour to the subway. Now I just walk a block to the station. My friends and I meet close to the subway line so it's simple for all of us. I have reconnected with some long ago friends who happen to live in the new neighbourhood and, because of the change of location, I am able to spend more time with a couple of volunteer organizations that are full of lovely people.

My main source of friendship and community is my Unitarian church. It's easily accessible from my new place and there are always activities, volunteer jobs and social events going on. It was my fallback when I retired. I never worried about what I was going to do with all my "free" time once I quit working.

Of course, the time will come when I won't be able to just hop on the train so easily and I have thought, like you, about the benefits of "built in" social activities. I agree that well run seniors' homes are vastly preferable to little old folks living in isolation but Covid has definitely pointed up the disadvantages of nursing homes. Over the years, friends and I have often talked about a "Golden Girls" arrangement. There is a lot to be said for co-housing for people who have some money to invest in it. A few friends buying a place large enough to each have a private "bed sit" with a big common area for eating and socializing. Built in card parties and movie nights. Lots of money saved by only having one structure, one laundry room, one furnace, maybe one vehicle, etc and eventually maybe one support person to help out. It's a thought.

Meanwhile, the goal is to stay as healthy and strong as possible for as long as possible. As someone I know often says, "Healthy, healthy, healthy, dead".

Jump to this post

Thank you for your kind words.

There was one social thing that made it easier for me to leave my old home. For a number of reasons, I had never developed really deep friendships with my old neighbours. My kids never went to the local schools. Most families on the street were either younger or older than we were. My husband had long term health issues. I was often busy working long hours, etc. My neighbours were nice people and we were friendly but we never developed those deep connections so I didn't feel the wrench of leaving them behind.

I actually find socializing much easier now because I don't have so far to travel. I used to have to drive about half an hour to the subway. Now I just walk a block to the station. My friends and I meet close to the subway line so it's simple for all of us. I have reconnected with some long ago friends who happen to live in the new neighbourhood and, because of the change of location, I am able to spend more time with a couple of volunteer organizations that are full of lovely people.

My main source of friendship and community is my Unitarian church. It's easily accessible from my new place and there are always activities, volunteer jobs and social events going on. It was my fallback when I retired. I never worried about what I was going to do with all my "free" time once I quit working.

Of course, the time will come when I won't be able to just hop on the train so easily and I have thought, like you, about the benefits of "built in" social activities. I agree that well run seniors' homes are vastly preferable to little old folks living in isolation but Covid has definitely pointed up the disadvantages of nursing homes. Over the years, friends and I have often talked about a "Golden Girls" arrangement. There is a lot to be said for co-housing for people who have some money to invest in it. A few friends buying a place large enough to each have a private "bed sit" with a big common area for eating and socializing. Built in card parties and movie nights. Lots of money saved by only having one structure, one laundry room, one furnace, maybe one vehicle, etc and eventually maybe one support person to help out. It's a thought.

Meanwhile, the goal is to stay as healthy and strong as possible for as long as possible. As someone I know often says, "Healthy, healthy, healthy, dead".

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@starchy - I love your description! That is exactly what we have in our winter community - all living in tiny houses or RV's, looking out for each other, sharing laundry, pool, rec hall, and built-in activities. Unfortunately, it ends when ones ability to travel ends, but we extend our friends' years by the more able looking out for the less able. Many are so comfortable with the support there that they choose to have elective surgeries when in residence knowing they will be well cared for.
We too, have cordial but not close contact with most neighbors, so when the time comes, all I will miss are my gardens. I have begun looking at options but I hope it is a few years off. We had casually discussed a couples arrangement such as the "Golden Girls" with friends in the past, but as we age, we stretch and they contract - can't think how it might work out.
Fr now, I'm loving this discussion - it has fired up my brain.
Sue

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