Downsizing, To Move or Not to Move? That is the Question

A senior living community may not be the choice for everyone. However, I am sharing this link with everyone because of the Q&A about planning and decisions.
Pages.Charter House>When is the Right Time to Move?
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/charter-house/newsfeed-post/when-is-the-right-time-to-move/

My mother-in-law made the decision to move to an assisted living complex when health issues and mobility became problems for her. She had her car and was completely independent, with assistance as needed when she eventually had a knee replacement and a back surgery. When driving became as issue, she relied on the complex's van and she never missed a bi-weekly road trip that was arranged by the activities director. As her health and needs changed, she transitioned to higher levels of care and was comfortable because she was surrounded by familiar faces. As her children we also became friends with the staff.

Each time she downsized (home - assisted living 2 bedroom apt - 1 bedroom - nursing home unit) she always invited us to look over her and invited us to select what we wanted. Then she arranged to have a sale of the rest. This worked well for her and for us. Her example has had a profound effect on my husband and my way of thinking.
I remember once while in a conversation about her final wishes, I told her that the one thing that I would really like to have was a particular silver chain necklace with a pearl/diamond pendant that had been made with one of her mother's earrings. She went right back to her jewelry box and gave it to me!

@kirkham, Have you looked at any assisted living complexes? Are there any senior communities in your area where there are activities for seniors?

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A senior living community may not be the choice for everyone. However, I am sharing this link with everyone because of the Q&A about planning and decisions.
Pages.Charter House>When is the Right Time to Move?
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/charter-house/newsfeed-post/when-is-the-right-time-to-move/

My mother-in-law made the decision to move to an assisted living complex when health issues and mobility became problems for her. She had her car and was completely independent, with assistance as needed when she eventually had a knee replacement and a back surgery. When driving became as issue, she relied on the complex's van and she never missed a bi-weekly road trip that was arranged by the activities director. As her health and needs changed, she transitioned to higher levels of care and was comfortable because she was surrounded by familiar faces. As her children we also became friends with the staff.

Each time she downsized (home - assisted living 2 bedroom apt - 1 bedroom - nursing home unit) she always invited us to look over her and invited us to select what we wanted. Then she arranged to have a sale of the rest. This worked well for her and for us. Her example has had a profound effect on my husband and my way of thinking.
I remember once while in a conversation about her final wishes, I told her that the one thing that I would really like to have was a particular silver chain necklace with a pearl/diamond pendant that had been made with one of her mother's earrings. She went right back to her jewelry box and gave it to me!

@kirkham, Have you looked at any assisted living complexes? Are there any senior communities in your area where there are activities for seniors?

Jump to this post

A senior living community may not be the choice for everyone. However, I am sharing this link with everyone because of the Q&A about planning and decisions.
Pages.Charter House>When is the Right Time to Move?
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/charter-house/newsfeed-post/when-is-the-right-time-to-move/

My mother-in-law made the decision to move to an assisted living complex when health issues and mobility became problems for her. She had her car and was completely independent, with assistance as needed when she eventually had a knee replacement and a back surgery. When driving became as issue, she relied on the complex's van and she never missed a bi-weekly road trip that was arranged by the activities director. As her health and needs changed, she transitioned to higher levels of care and was comfortable because she was surrounded by familiar faces. As her children we also became friends with the staff.

Each time she downsized (home - assisted living 2 bedroom apt - 1 bedroom - nursing home unit) she always invited us to look over her and invited us to select what we wanted. Then she arranged to have a sale of the rest. This worked well for her and for us. Her example has had a profound effect on my husband and my way of thinking.
I remember once while in a conversation about her final wishes, I told her that the one thing that I would really like to have was a particular silver chain necklace with a pearl/diamond pendant that had been made with one of her mother's earrings. She went right back to her jewelry box and gave it to me!

@kirkham, Have you looked at any assisted living complexes? Are there any senior communities in your area where there are activities for seniors?

Jump to this post

@rosemarya, Thank you for sharing your mil's downsizing experience. I'd earlier read the Charter House article and thought it raised important points to consider. It speaks volumes to your strong relationship with your mil that she so readily gifted you "ahead of time" with the pendant you so admired.

Like your mil, I'd been thinking along similar lines for my own downsizing and relocation to d.'s area. One thing I noticed early on as my d. and I toured different places in 2 diff states was that I'm a person who needs space to feel comfortable so "open-concept" floor plans held most appeal. Another biggie for me is that I need a ready "escape hatch" so being on the ground floor with an outdoor exit would be my much preferred choice. Of course those are high demand so the waits for vacancies would take longer but still if wishing, why not for those accommodations that would bring most comfort at the time of entry?

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A senior living community may not be the choice for everyone. However, I am sharing this link with everyone because of the Q&A about planning and decisions.
Pages.Charter House>When is the Right Time to Move?
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/charter-house/newsfeed-post/when-is-the-right-time-to-move/

My mother-in-law made the decision to move to an assisted living complex when health issues and mobility became problems for her. She had her car and was completely independent, with assistance as needed when she eventually had a knee replacement and a back surgery. When driving became as issue, she relied on the complex's van and she never missed a bi-weekly road trip that was arranged by the activities director. As her health and needs changed, she transitioned to higher levels of care and was comfortable because she was surrounded by familiar faces. As her children we also became friends with the staff.

Each time she downsized (home - assisted living 2 bedroom apt - 1 bedroom - nursing home unit) she always invited us to look over her and invited us to select what we wanted. Then she arranged to have a sale of the rest. This worked well for her and for us. Her example has had a profound effect on my husband and my way of thinking.
I remember once while in a conversation about her final wishes, I told her that the one thing that I would really like to have was a particular silver chain necklace with a pearl/diamond pendant that had been made with one of her mother's earrings. She went right back to her jewelry box and gave it to me!

@kirkham, Have you looked at any assisted living complexes? Are there any senior communities in your area where there are activities for seniors?

Jump to this post

@rosemarya My parents moved into an independent living facility 20+ years ago Nd, according to them, it’s the best decision they ever made. My father died 12 years ago and mom was able to go see him everyday. They took all their ‘special’ furniture, etc. with them. Now, she thinks all of us are wanting to take it (but we have other plans).She is there today and fees that she is very well taken care of. My siblings and I like the home, also. My husband and I plan to move to a similar place (when the dog dies) 🤗. Everyone is so different and, luckily, we have lots of options. One sister is looking into a “golden girls” arrangement with some of her friends. There is also Sage housing and Co-housing (not attractive to me). Not really a fun subject to think about.

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You raised an interesting point I had forgotten @rosemarya My wife gifted all of her significant jewelry and art when she was still alive. She enjoyed giving them and being able to tell each person why something was important to her or why she thought of them when she wanted to gift it. I have now done the same with all the remaining art, etc. in our home. Had our children walk through, tell me what if anything they wanted and put their name on the back, noted those gifts in our estate papers, etc. Worked out great for us!

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@IndianaScott, What a joy for your wife in sharing her gifts and telling each of their significance in her life. Smart you, too!! With only the one daughter, she will have 1st choice...smiling though because many of our preferences are quite different.

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I moved about a year ago from a 3 bedroom house in the suburbs to a "one bedroom plus den" condo in the city. The change has been wonderful. No more lawn to maintain or driveway to shovel. No more roof replacement or deck staining. No more squirrels trying to infiltrate. No more car maintenance because I don't need a car anymore. I now spend my time doing things I enjoy and can walk to pretty much everything I need. If I need a car, I can rent one although I have only done that once so far. Uber is always available and, for the cost of owning a car, I can take a lot of Ubers or taxis but almost never need to.

I spent a couple of years planning, organizing and minimizing to get ready. It is surprisingly hard to get rid of things that we might think are valuable because nobody wants them. Younger people don't care about fancy china or sets of matching crystal. As for silverware, who wants to be bothered? I was able to sell some things on consignment but even consignment stores set limits because they know many items won't sell. I didn't want to be bothered with a series of yard sales so some things just ended up going to thrift stores, one carload at a time. Hopefully someone bought them for a couple of dollars. Some things I just put out at the curb and someone would usually come along and take them. One of the effects of downsizing has been to make me consider very carefully before buying anything at all because every single thing that we buy will have to be disposed of eventually and much of it will end up being garbage. The planet can't cope with much more garbage.

One of the big deciding factors for me in making this move was that I wanted to do it while I was young enough and healthy enough to make my own decisions, manage the work and enjoy the benefits. This was empowering and launched a new chapter in my life, rather than having someone make decisions for me.

Also, I wanted to save my children from the work of having to deal with all my stuff. They have their own stuff. My mother modeled this for me. She downsized her enormous old country house and arranged her own funeral. Because she lived at a distance from me, that was the greatest gift she could ever have given me and I plan to give my family the same. I offered my children the choice of whatever they wanted and they took very little.

Another big factor was the housing crisis that we are experiencing here in Toronto. Why should I be holding onto a big house with a yard when a young family could live there and really take advantage of it? I raised my kids there and now someone else can do the same.

At no time during this past year have I regretted my choices, even for a minute. It was a lot of hard work and some tough decisions but I wouldn't change any of it. Only once have I had to go out and buy something that I downsized and that was just a little kitchen gadget. There is a documentary called "Minimalism" that I found quite practical and useful. If worst comes to worst, there are companies that will do this for you. Just tell them what you want to keep and they will dispose of everything else by the most appropriate means. A great time saver and probably well worth the money.

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