Hi @sbsurfside I am sorry to read of your husband’s health situation and your journey as a caregiver. I don’t think anyone is ever ready for that moment in time when a doctor looks at us and says ‘you’re now a caregiver’! At least I wasn’t!

My name is Scott and I was my wife’s caregiver for her 14+ year war with brain cancer. She was diagnosed at 49 and cancer certainly upended the life we had been hoping for. It's amazing to me how a disease can just take over like cancer can! It changes a caregiver and certainly devastatingly changes our loved ones.

While every patient, their cancer, and one’s caregiving journey are unique I did feel many feelings similar to yours as a caregiver. Highest among them was how much of a roller coaster my emotions were on while caregiving. I had feelings I never imagined! I think it is important to know there are no right or wrong ways to feel, we just feel as we do at the moment. It took me awhile, but eventually I came to accept that whatever I was feeling at the time was no wrong or anything. They were all OK. I wish there was a way to banish all feelings of doubt and guilt for caregivers, but there just isn’t. They seem to always crop up at times. I like to say we need to remember superheros only exist in comic books. We caregivers cannot be Wonder Woman or Superman!

My entire personality changed as I transformed from a partner with my wife to the person who had to do everything. I came to have a totally different idea of what was essential to our lives and what all really wasn’t as the demands of caregiving dictated. As with most caregivers I was ill prepared for the ultimate set of routines I had to take on for the two of us and our entire family. Thankfully my wife and I immediately had all the most difficult of conversations over her last wishes, power of attorney, health care advance directives, estate plans, giving some gifts she wanted to, etc. and it paid huge dividends, especially after we had seen other family members not do so.

I'm glad you are here and please know this is a great community for caregivers to vent, get hints, tips, suggestions, ideas, and just to visit with folks who really know what the caregiving journey is like.

Another of my favorite caregiving quotes is this one: “Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is simply the quiet voice at the end of the day whispering ‘I will try again tomorrow’”

Glad you are here on Connect and know you can vent here anytime!