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How do you accept change as you age?
Aging and accepting our changes is never easy!
One of my favorite sayings is ‘it’s a good thing our children grow older, but parents don’t!’ Often I wish this was true and while it’s a positive message, not our reality.
Like it or not, time and life take their toll on us and we change. However accepting these changes can be a challenge in our lives and the lives of our loved ones. Both physically and emotionally I might add.
I remember well after caring for my wife for the first seven years of her war with brain cancer my dad passed away and I was able to get to his memorial service. I was very excited to see our two grandsons and decided being ‘as young as you feel’, and wanting to make up for lost time entered into a rousing game of Freeze Tag in the hotel’s front yard. All went well until I made too fast a deke and found myself flying across far more sod than I should have been! Result? Four broken ribs, a painfully long recovery, and a reminder I’m not as agile as I once was!
I also realize that the realistic view of our age is not relegated to ourselves alone. I’ve spoken with our adult children about this and they have said they don’t really see me as aging, but just as ‘Dad’, who they want to do all the same things with they have done in the past. On the other hand, our grandsons see me as ‘grandpa’ and are comfortable ‘just having me around’ especially if there happens to be a Dairy Queen nearby!
So it is I‘ve begun to think more about the importance of accepting the changes and limitations imposed on us as we advance in age. While I’m not cashing in any chips I don’t need to, I have found I do avoid a few challenges I used to gladly accept. For instance last summer I went whitewater rafting on some Class V rapids. After almost drowning, I have forgone any return trips to rivers with this class of rapids. I swim well, just not as far and as long as I used to be able to while fully clothed and in heavy gear.
While I miss those rapids and full contact Freeze Tag, I know why my grandmother often told me ‘discretion is the better part of valor’.
As you age, are you practicing discretion, even when you wish you didn’t have to? Is it hard like it is for me?
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@jeannie26 Goodmorning Jeannie . We had 3 acres of grass to cut and had a riding mower made a world of difference . When my husband died took me 2-3 days to get it all done as I worked then still. I'm hoping to see my grandson today or tomorrow they are coming over one of these days. I'm having shoulder pain in neck area will have to find out what it causing it . I do have fibromyalgia and aches from this but now the pain is constant ,of course no one is in today but I will use the portal and email Dr . I am just the opposite I don't like weekends to long but can keep busy during week and I do like being alone so this staying in doesn't bother me .Have a good day
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1 ReactionGood for you. Assisted living puts an enclosure of people and buildings around you. I am 90 yrs old. I look out of my adobe home onto mountains and 3-4 buildings each on 1 1/2 acres. So I need a care giver but look at how I Live. The bird feeder in the trees and adobe walls have singing the year around. The Bunnies sniff at the panned door; the the cats tail waving. The over growths are an eye sore, but I pull two weeds once month shopping. Ice cycles, form 1-2 feet from the tree. The thunder and lightening cut the power for 2-6 hrs. But, elecetric lantern lightening and big bottles of oxygen get us through. Our adobe house in cool in the summer and warm in the winter. Apt. heating? Every once in a while cyotes and bears are out for garbage or berries and cherries from our fruit trees. A ground hog rested under the portal several days ago. The labradoodle did not know what to do with a 10 foot king snake stretched out to sun bath. We do have to trap the deer mice in the garage because of hantvirus. I just alerted Health Departments and News to alert New Mexicans of the Deer mouse virus vs the bat virus. Both are respiratory ( I was an an aidman in Korea and Epidemic Hemorrhagic fever promted me to tells the official in 1998 to look for the deer mouse as the 4 corner virus outbreak. I did so recently again, because varmit season is starting....So, there is excitment and intrigue and beauty in living at home. Of course, give it all away, go sit in a chair, die of inactivity. If you had the choice ,live with me to 140 years old like Lot and David's son, Solomon. But that means you have to eat like they did. But, wine instead of warter was OK.Ha
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4 Reactions@jeanie26, Oh! No, no, no, Jeanie, I don't want to go back to being 40ish or even 60ish. I worked too hard and long to get to this age and now feel totally "justified" in taking it slower at a less hectic pace. It wasn't easy getting to this place, I admit, but once here, I just smile at the more frequent breaks I need to take, at the less filled in calendar, and best of all at the choices I can decide to do or not do without explaining or apologizing to anyone else. As for cuts and bruises, I take a blood thinner so I have gotten to the place where I wonder if I don't have several bruises on arms or legs...can just barely brush against something and turn the colors of the rainbow. The newest "surprise" was waking up with a glorious black eye...Now I live alone and have for years with a pretty well behaved kitty. I haven't been out being rowdy and not fussing with anyone so I couldn't believe this shiner...was telling a friend and she laughed saying you and I both have allergies. She said she'd given herself more than one black eye from simply rubbing an itchy eye too hard. That has to be it! I should have taken a selfie and then come up with some outrageous story for my grand boys. I am so impressed that you can make dream catchers! Friends and I bought some in Santa Fe on a girls' trip there three years ago. So lovely. Yes, your grandson will love his new one made by you. Talented lady, you are!
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3 ReactionsWhat a bummer, @lioness to be having constant shoulder and neck pain. Can you find a comfortable position for sleeping? In early retirement, I, like you, found the weekends stretched out too long. Now, I just regard them differently as mini-vacations and use them mostly to indulge pastimes. Like you, I get my work done during the week but claim the weekends as my goof off days. Today I worked in the yard for 5 hours but at my own pace and by choice; tonight will be a simple, easy clean up meal and then a mystery on Netflix. Hope your doc can prescribe some relief for your shoulder/neck area.
Hi, @bill54321, I can only hope I am as young at heart and spirited as you if I reach 90 years! Your post was a delightful read and your zest for life and nature is so evident. Not a labradoodle but can assure you that if i'd seen a 10 foot king or "anything" snake, I'd have been making a roadrunner dash for safety! How lovely that you find so much to be interested in and appreciative of in your home and surroundings. I imagine you have probably always been a pretty positive guy. While I'll gladly join you in a cyber glass of wine, I'm pretty spoiled to the conveniences and choices of foods today. My neighbor is an avid arrow head collector and has made many scouting trips to the 4 corners area. He has gathered quite an impressive collection from there and other areas over the years.
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1 Reaction@fiesty76 Thanks I don't know what's causing it but one thing looking down at computer .Fibro makes it hurt as this is one of my trigger points When I retired I tried to keep busy everyday like I was working still Now there's no rush so I sit when tired.Mot rushing anymore 😀 at night like you I do something enjoyable and turn Electronics off around 9 so I sleep better .Thanks for your friendship here fiesty76
My wif is from Wyoming and has a full encased display of her Indian heads, We collect chars in New Mexico. A dislpay of a basket full always brings envy. I am one of 9 children. I got D with an identical twin talk until Junior High. I learned I had dyslexia. I attened 3 colleges and graduated from Stanford in Physical Therapy. I was in combat in heart break Ridge, Punch Bowl, and Triangle Hill. My wife and I have done underwater photography around the world. I put 4 daughters through school. I ended up working until 70 and have a little pension. My house is on a reverse Mortgage. I use a walker, but so What?
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1 ReactionHi Fiesty, Saying I wanted to go back to being 40ish was just a figure of speech, there is no way I would want to go back to any age. I am quiet content being my age. Like you I feel I deserve being my age, besides my past hasn't been all that great to begin with , I am at my best right now, just the way I am. I haven't woke up with a black eye yet but wouldn't be surprised if I would. I like your idea of taking a selfIe and making up a good story about how you got it. Took my g grandson home , I intended to come back home and get busy doing any one of the many things that needs to be done, a friend called and there went my desire to do anything, now I am feeling more like going to sleep than anything. Like you, I live alone and do pretty much what I want to, so know what?, I am going to get my jamies on and watch a good movie tonight. so I bid you a goodnight. God Bless... Jeanie
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2 Reactions@bill54321 Sounds like you had a fulfilling life Don't be ashamed at having a walker that shows we worked hard all are life With my bad back and legs I need mine badge of honor
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1 ReactionI do the same with turning off electronics early around 9p and then "read" myself to sleepy state. I appreciate your friendship, too!
I am sorry that about that dratted fibro, understand it is quite something to have to deal with. You do seem to keep busy and I think that is what keeps us "up and attim", yes? ...wellllll, at least up??? vbg