My life turned from great to awful and back to good

Posted by tmmmrlts @tmmmrlts, Mar 1, 2020

My name is Melissa and I was a caregiver for my husband until he passed away 6/14/19. Since he passed, I was a mess for the first few months. I was just mad at the world and I wrecked my car and that made me feel like crap, it was one of the 2 cars that he had put together. I was always trying to do stuff to stay away from people.

Then a switch happened i started going to grief meetings,and started going to church, got saved and baptized I started back to school to get my diploma, I graduate in May. My children thought I wasn't grieving. But now they are proud of me for doing what I always encouraged them to do.

I will always love and miss my husband. But when you realize you have to do what is best for you. Then you can start a different life and make it better for yourself. It's not easy but if I can do it so can you.Thank you to all the wonderful people on here for keeping me strong. I graduate May 29th 2020 from the mers goodwill excel center.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Loss & Grief Support Group.

Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Mar 2, 2020

@tmmmrlts- Melissa, yes this is the perfect place to tell your story. You are doing so remarkably well after such a long journey with your husband and his lung cancer. I can't imagine how you felt after losing him. I'm sure that it was devastating to watch. I know that a lot of people on here can empathize and support you for your strength and your fortitude. When you have bad moments now how are you handling them?

Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Mar 2, 2020

@tmmmrlts, I've also added your message to the Loss & Grief group https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief/
It will be helpful for others to see how you chose to put your grief into action. I'm proud of you for going back to school and getting your diploma. I bet that wasn't easy at first, but likely a real eye-opener to be around young people. One has a different perspective about education as an adult learner, I think.

Do you still attend the grief group? How has it helped you?

walisky | @walisky | Mar 2, 2020

As a caregiver, I know how important a church family is and I'm so happy that you have one now. Wishing you the best.

tmmmrlts | @tmmmrlts | Mar 4, 2020

Thank you I have a wonderful church family. I had started going before my husband got sick. Wishing you the best and praying for you all

tmmmrlts | @tmmmrlts | Mar 4, 2020

In reply to @colleenyoung "@tmmmrlts, I've also added your message to the Loss & Grief group https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief/ It will be..." + (show)

Yes I do that is helping to. It is so amazing to have friends I can talk to and not be judged

tmmmrlts | @tmmmrlts | Mar 4, 2020

In reply to @tmmmrlts "Yes I do that is helping to. It is so amazing to have friends I can..." + (show)

Thank you

tmmmrlts | @tmmmrlts | Mar 4, 2020

In reply to @merpreb "@tmmmrlts- Melissa, yes this is the perfect place to tell your story. You are doing so..." + (show)

I keep my grandchildren not as much. But mainly I try to keep busy. I also just cry once in a while. The death of my daughter is today. It has been 12 years. Last year we had a grandchild on this day Thank God it gives me something to look forward to. My husband Birthday is coming up. I don't know how it will go since I don't go to school that day. But I will survive until God calls me home. I have told people i have to live 18 more years so i can see all my grandkids graduate.

Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Mar 5, 2020

In reply to @tmmmrlts "I keep my grandchildren not as much. But mainly I try to keep busy. I also..." + (show)

@tmmmrlts Isn't it wonderful how you have a joy to celebrate on the same day as it is also remembrance and sadness. Have you done anything to celebrate your daughter's life on her birthday these past 12 years? I really do appreciate you chose to share with us, and show us different ways to cope with grief and loss.
Ginger

Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Mar 5, 2020

In reply to @tmmmrlts "Thank you I have a wonderful church family. I had started going before my husband got..." + (show)

@tmmmrlts, fellow member @rmftucker also talks about cultivating social ties while caregiving and how helpful those friends and social connections are when you experience loss. I concur.

tmmmrlts | @tmmmrlts | Mar 5, 2020

In reply to @gingerw "@tmmmrlts Isn't it wonderful how you have a joy to celebrate on the same day as..." + (show)

Yes we send balloons off and we take flowers to her grave. My husbands birthday is saturday. We haven't made any plans since my son is in Texas working.