How You Experience Autism

@mamacita In 1988, I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus. It was a months-long process involving a lot of tests and biopsies to come up to that definitive diagnosis. At that time, and perhaps even now, it was awkward to get a handle on, as there are so many symptoms that vary from person to person. Doesn't that kind of sound like being on the autism spectrum? I recall a nurse telling me, "Gee, you don't look sick" as I checked in at my rheumatologist's office one day back in 1990. That sounds like autism, and the way we may be seen by others, doesn't it? Perhaps I've gotten used to comments like that, perhaps I've gotten good at masking, really good at masking. Being on the spectrum is part of the Civil War that my body and mind carry-on between themselves.
Ginger

Absolutely spot on, @gingerw ....Sometimes I feel so at home and comfortable in my own skin I will even forget for awhile who I am.

I will go all day long running one errand after another because I "have to."

And by "have to" it usually means I feel responsible for taking care of someone else. I won't take time out to just put my feet up and rest in between medical appointments for another individual. Never mind that the next day the nerve damage in my feet will not let me even walk three feet with my crying out in pain.

As I write this my sweet hubby is dropping off my totally disabled adult daughter to have a test done at the hospital. He insisted on taking my place today. He says I am too infirm myself to take her to two and three appointments several times a week.

He's right.
But I don't want to admit that.
If I don't take better care of myself I won't be able to help anyone.

She is my child and I feel so deeply for her circumstances. Yet because of my sensitive nature, because I feel such empathy, because I am an Aspie, it is vitally important that I pull off the masks. It is important to remember that I can be easily overwhelmed if I neglect my own well being as I serve another.

All my senses are all over the place. But when I take time to meditate, read, pray, cook, or listen to music, I am feeding my soul. Then I do not struggle to "fit in."

I just live.
I hope this makes some degree of sense.

Love and hugs everyone,
Mamacita Jane

@mamacita I should be outside moving some plants around before a series of storms move in. I also need to do laundry; I already did cleaning in the house. But there is still more cleaning to do. Stop to look up side effects of a medication doctor is ordering for my husband's respiratory infection, then call him to confirm he is not on one of the contraindicated medications. Stop and call some banking institutions regarding rates, due to savings coming up for rollove on husband's accounts. Stop and give the cat some more kibble. Trying to do things to keep going and keeping myself too busy. Just stopped for a few minutes to a little bit of artwork. Deep breathing and then go back outside.
Ginger

@gingerw , your day sounds remarkably similar to many of mine.

Sisters from another mother.
Take care of your plants! And you, when the storms roll in.
We are expected to have more rain tonight and more flooding.
We are high enough where all we get are puddles. Some around here are not so fortunate.
Take care and we'll talk more soon...
Love and light,
Mamacita Jane

hugs you all we are going into autumn

@hopeful33250, I hope this finds you well. I wanted to address this perception that many NT's (Neurotypicals) have regarding those of us on the Spectrum.

Several months ago I saw a new therapist in my search to tame my ADD tendencies. I was open and frank about my place on the Spectrum. She basically nodded and went on to listen to everything else that brought me there.

Later on, after having seen her for months, she finally made a comment that I thought was interesting. She said that she never would have guessed that I was Aspie or anything else on the Spectrum.

I smiled and responded to her statement with my own.

"Well, you see, it is like this. We grow up knowing we are diffetent. We learn that we have to "mask" in order to properly fit in. So we learn all we can to be just like you. So that we can survive in this world. "

But unfortunately all this masking takes its toll on us in the form of disease, disabling conditions, and a false sense of self.

We know now that who we are is who we should be.

Removing the masks takes time and courage. Both qualities we tend to have in abundance.

It's never too late to be yourself.

Thank you for accepting us as we are.
Love and light,
Mamacita Jane

Your description of the mask makes perfect sense to me. I'm sure we all put on masks to some degree, but to do it all the time would produce stress which in turn might lead to disability and disease.

Are there times when you can just be yourself and take off the mask? How does that feel?

Your description of the mask makes perfect sense to me. I'm sure we all put on masks to some degree, but to do it all the time would produce stress which in turn might lead to disability and disease.

Are there times when you can just be yourself and take off the mask? How does that feel?

we auties in a neurotypical world and even in the Mayo clinic connect group are masking to fit in and or to not go off the deep end at comments and hassles