@annmarry1 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect, a place to give and get support. You feel guilty about losing your temper with your best friend while caring for her before she passed.

Members like @IndianaScott @artscaping @lizny @kateia have experience with loss and grief and may be able to help.

Below I have linked an older previous discussion related to Caregiver's Grief Guilt. You may want to scroll through the comments to find insight and suggestions.
- The Caregivers' Guilt Dumpster - Open for business https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/the-caregivers-guilt-dumpster-open-for-business/

It is common when someone passes to attach guilt to the grief. Often looking back and wondering what could have been done better.

You said that you cared for 10 people. There is typically a certain type of person that takes on this kind of role and those type of people are also prone to guilt. I know that I am being vague but do you have a pattern of taking on the caregiver role in your family and do you often experience guilt?

Guilt and grief are some of the hardest emotions to overcome. I'm wondering if you have considered in-person or virtual therapy with someone that specializes in grief?