Metastasized colon cancer: At a loss..what is next?

I wish I had more advice but I don’t. I will say, you are entitled to your feelings and they are valid. Just because your partner has cancer, doesn’t mean your feelings and needs get out on hold. You’ve gone through a battle right along with him, all while experiencing loss. You don’t sound selfish at all. You sound like a human being who is hurting and scared. Have you thought Of counseling ? It may help you to have someone else validate your feelings. It sounds like you are doing self care, which is great! your husband can schedule an appt with his doctor to figure out what’s going on with the breathing!

Western Minnesota

@lah Your comments just seem real to me. My husband and I are early in the cancer journey, just a month in to a pancreatic cancer diagnosis after life altering surgery. But previous health issues this year have hinted at the coming changes in our lives. All situations are different but there are similarities too. Mainly that life has changed. That the future is unknown but surely includes stress. And you, as do I, have no nearby family and also have other losses in our lives. Before I even knew the diagnosis would be cancer, I requested a referral to a counselor from my physician. I knew I needed a support system. I also asked two women to be my companions on this journey, not close friends or relatives but rather wise women who I felt would be empathetic and emotionally available to me. We don’t live close, but they are available to me online. I don’t communicate with them continuously, just know that I can if need be. I also found a woman through another group who I did not previously know but whose husband is going through similar diagnosis and treatment and we support each other through occasional texts. To be honest I struggle with resentment because some of my husband’s health issues are probably related to health choices he’s made in life but now not only he but I too am suffering the consequences. And I feel that it has often in our lives together fallen to me to be the strong one despite the toll it has taken on me. And then I feel bad and remind myself that no one’s future is guaranteed, my own included. I also wonder if the energy I am expending on his care, physical and mental, will end up hurting my own health. I suspect you understand. Perhaps it can help all caregivers, you and me included, to know that we are not alone.

How are things going? I have my first counseling session tomorrow. Do you think it helps you?

How are things going? I have my first counseling session tomorrow. Do you think it helps you?

Hi @lah. Well, we haven’t been home, but no snow where we live, But wow! Out West! We’ve been at Mayo Clinic for post op appt for my husband and to meet with oncology. They want to get him set up to start chemo ASAP but they discovered a pocket of fluid in the abdomen on CT so now he’s on two weeks of antibiotics. After that we have another checkup at Mayo. He’ll be having chemo at the hospital at home eventually. Good Luck at your appt. my first one was pretty much just an assessment, lots of questions. Know this, if you don’t click with the first therapist, don’t give up. Try another but give it a little time first before you do.

Hi lah, I've read through many of the posts and they have given many good suggestions. Do you ever go out "with friends" or go to a movie to just
"get away from things for a couple of hours. Even coffee after work with someone. Even grabbing a good novel and reading for awhile. Have some "you" time every evening. The food situation is probably due to all the medications he is taking so his liking and then disliking a certain food is probably due to that. I have a suggestion with your leg. My husband broke the main bone in his lower right leg rollerskating 5 years ago in March. One place right above the ankle and then a jagged break about half way up. Plate and screws fixed it. For rehab he used a recombant (sp) bike peddling both forward and backward after he got the approval to put weight on it. He also lightly bounced on a trampoline for 1/2 hour at a time. This was great for his calf muscles as well as a good drainage for his lymphatic system. He had to cut a slit in his work boot (farmer) and sock in order to accomodate for the screws for the first year. Later he just loosened the ties. It healed well and he was able to harvest our crops that fall. As long as you have the bike try peddling backwards. Just a few suggestions. Take care of yourself. Blessings, Kathy

Hello @lah I just wanted to say great news on getting your counseling appointment! I know, over the years and years my wife and I went to counseling, it was an incredible help to her, to me, and to us. It was something that neither of us ever regretted, even for a second.

I wish you all the best with your counselor!

Strength, courage, and peace!

Thank you. I actually felt good when i left. Just to have someone listen to me, and not tell me i am wrong was amazing. What a shame I have to pay someone to get that. Looking forward to this week appt.
We go to dr tomorrow to get results of CT scan taken on Thursday.