Just thinking out loud: Humans Alone vs Social

@2011panc- I love this feature and have been chastised for insisting on it when I first became a mentor. Our guidelines encourage this but it is not mandatory. It would help if everyone does this but I find myself wishing not to a lot- it's a royal pain if you answer or get a lot of posts as all my fellow mentors get. Ethan was just trying to assist everyone, we often try and clarify things for others because it is an open forum and new people join in daily. We have thousands and lots of thousands of people on Connect who just read posts. Perhaps they like to know how Connect works even if they aren't participating?

Happy to find this group. MC has always been my go to for medical.
There have many articles written re introverts vs extroverts pointed out to me by my daughter who, along with me, has always considered herself an intro. I might add, pointed out by fam/friends as well.
Ecstatic that the scientific community, as well as thoughtful folks have finally come to the conclusion that it is not at a matter of 'better than.'
I do believe intros have taken a bad rap, well forever, ie 'she's so quiet, she's so shy.. To' - snob, stuck up, she thinks she's better than us'.
For one thing I'm proud to be a good listener, as this was invaluable to me in my career as a counselor. Socially, the advantages are great... Listening to others is far more interesting than pouring out my thoughts too aggressively, without actually hearing the dialogue is oafish, imo.
So happy the scientific/medical/psychological community has come to the realization that we intros can't, and shouldn't, attempt to change ourselves.. Both extros and intros are equal imo... Learning from each other.
When I had to give a lecture to my patients.. I would state that it was necessary. "Now it's your turn, I can be selfish, I want to learn." Best

Good evening @linsvh4 It is so great to meet a counselor/therapist on Connect. Welcome! We need you to set examples for us. So let's start with a sort of funny situation. My life partner and I were both counselors --- high school for him and college for me. He is most definitely an introvert. And I have been known to not know how to keep my mouth closed. And guess what....we had some of the same Textbooks when we were in college. He worked for 30+ years at the high school level. I managed to make it for 15 years at the college level.

He preferred the one-to-one situation. I taught Group counseling and preferred to be with groups for orientation and therapy. And yet.....we live together well.

So....we need both introverts and extroverts. What are you hoping to accomplish here on Connect? What do you want to learn?

May you have happiness and the causes of happiness.
Chris

All these comments were interesting reading for me. From the time I can remember, I have always been shy. I used to call myself a beige person. In the last few years I have started to wear colors and have had lots of compliments. Yet, still, inside I am beige. I am old now and alone. I read all the articles about the ills of being alone. So I decided to visit a couple of these "wonderful" places where you can live and supposedly not be alone. My conclusion is that there is no way I could live there. I am determined to stay independent in my own home as long as I can. I will always mourn my husband. We were together for 62 years and married for 59 years. I do not want another partner. When I have to go out anywhere for whatever reason, I am glad to get back to my home. Yes, it is lonely at times, but it's quietness wraps its arms around me and says I am always here for you. In my view there is too much blather about always having to be with other people.

Lot's to digest!

I am not a joiner, but am a social person who likes time alone. I come from a family of hermits and sub hermits.

I have seen how this works first hand and honestly they were unhappy, fearful HB's.

Wanting to be left alone, but afraid to be left alone, always wanting someone to check and see if they are ok, then slamming the door in their face.

This to me is a complex mental issue that can only be dealt with through therapy, which of course the hermit would never do, it is a continuous loop of self destruction.

I will look forward to your further findings.

I have both read The Martian (the book) and seen the movie. If you liked the movie, I can also recommend the book.

I think the book was better than the movie. The ending of the book was significantly different than the ending of the movie. The ending of the book essentially reveals what motivated the author to write the book.

As I recall, the astronaut on Mars was not abandoned so much as they had an emergency and needed to leave immediately or everybody would die.

It is surprising to me that a book in which there is essentially one character could be a page turner, but it is. Furthermore, there is some silliness in the movie that is absent from the book.

In a way, the series of problems that the astronaut on Mars faces, and his actions to survive, could be seen as symbolic of the difficulties that we all face.

"Wanting to be left alone, but afraid to be left alone, always wanting someone to check and see if they are ok, then slamming the door in their face."

All except the "slamming" part is unHB-like. We all come with different levels of our need for connection or time alone. And mature people would understand that. I don't think being left alone is not a realistic fear, You need people who want Level-of-Connection and Aloneness You want. For this you need your flock.

I think the "slamming" part of you shows up bcz you feel they are not respecting what your boundaries are. Seek people who are genuinely closer to your level of need-for-connection. This is exactly where I happen to be. Tho I have not found my 'flock' of friends, it I believe is bcz there is general fear and aversion - SHAME - to be seen as someone in Need of a friend.

Cicero thought life wasn’t worth living without friends; Aristotle reminds us that friendship is necessary for a good life. It certainly can’t be something to feel ashamed about.

So why do we? My understanding is because WE believe that any attempt to even explore a potential friendship is to act as if I am a 'Loser' who no one seems to like. It's this flawed concept of friendship that has loneliness turned into an epidemic costing higher mortality (one estimate is 50 percent more in any seven year span vis-a-vis people who have no friends) and being as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or obesity.

We need not sacrifice our authentic selves bcz it makes society richer and more flourishing.