1. < Depression & Anxiety

Stress/Anxiety/Insomnia/Memory Issues

Posted by mandrake70 @mandrake70, Aug 30, 2019

Hi everyone,
I've had depression for the past 30 years or so and was on some heavy medications, tried ECT, etc. Nothing worked. I ended up trying the Ketamine Infusions and they worked for getting rid of my depression. I'm still dealing with anxiety and some really bad memory issues. I can't remember a lot of things that happened in the past and I am having trouble with remembering new things. Sometimes I am OK with making new memories, other times I can't recall a damn thing. My doctor is telling me that it's the anxiety and the insomnia that is causing the problem with my memory. Before the Ketamine treatments, it was depression and anxiety that were causing my memory problems.
I'm scared that it's the medication I was on for so long or the ECTs I underwent at the suggestions of my old doctor. She had me over medicated so I wonder if that could be some of the problems too. I have this fear that it is early onset dementia.
I'm also dealing with being separated from my wife and daughter right now. My wife pretty much gave up on me due to the depression and asked me to move out two months ago. Now that it is gone, she is angry about my memory issues and wants me to come up with a plan to fix everything that has gone wrong in our marriage. I tried sitting down with her last night with a pen and paper so I could get a list of things she felt needed to be fixed and she wouldn't go over it again with me. I am pretty sure we are done at this point which is adding a lot of stress to my life. She has some issues too but doesn't believe she does so they have gone untreated. Her issues have caused a huge rift in the family over the years and made my depression worse. I have always been a fixer so I keep trying to fix the marriage. I think at this point, it might be better if I stop trying.
My daughter asked me to take her to a therapist last night because of what she is going through right now and how she is feeling. I will be calling her doctor and getting that set up today. Something else for me to worry about right now and I am really scared for her.

Thanks for 'listening.'

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Nov 17, 2020
In reply to @karjack "The sun is shining here, for me and in my world "today" I am feeling a..." + (show)
@karjack

The sun is shining here, for me and in my world "today" I am feeling a bit more positive, although it's still a tough road to walk. I blocked my x so he can't call. step in the right direction. I can't believe the time I have spent trying to change this man, if I only say this, or that, he'll get it. He never will. He's a narcissist, and they are a lost cause. I am a human that cares too much sometimes. Or do I have that wrong? Anyway thanks for the notes , I so appreciate it, it helps.

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@karjack Good for you! You have taken a big step, so please give yourself a big hug for doing that! Stay strong in your resolve. You may find that writing out your thoughts as you step forward will help you express yourself and clear your mind. Writings can be for yourself, no need to share them unless you want. Keep them, burn them, hide them away, any choice is good.

Under the "Just Want to Talk" group here on Mayo Connect, is a discussion on journaling that you might find interesting. "Journaling -the write stuff for you?" [Sorry I am on my tablet and cannot cut and paste from here. When I get to my computer, I will edit this response.]

EDIT: Here is the link to the journaling discussion I mentioned! https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/journaling-the-write-stuff-for-you/

You have spoken of your current husband, and his patience. Enlist his support, tell him you are embarking on a new chapter and would love his input, and be able to rely on him. I would wager it will strengthen your relationship with him.

Life is too short and fragile to be burdened like you have been. You're right, a narcissist will not realize their action affect so many.
Ginger

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Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Nov 17, 2020
In reply to @karjack "Dear Erika, thanks for responding, i am in the process of finding a therapist, now. I..." + (show)
@karjack

Dear Erika, thanks for responding, i am in the process of finding a therapist, now. I have never gotten over the abuse. I go backwards all the time. At the moment I am not talking to me x but still feel bad about that, i guess the human side of me takes over, and I need a little more me side.

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Hello @karjack

I've been reading some of your posts and also the responses of others. I'm glad to hear that you are looking for a therapist. The need as you said to, "go backwards all the time" is something that you can work through in therapy. As Erika, (@erikas), said these issues have lots of layers. It is rather like peeling an onion, one layer at a time. Professional support for this process will really help you!

I look forward to hearing from you again. Will you post again soon?

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Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Nov 23, 2020
In reply to @karjack "The sun is shining here, for me and in my world "today" I am feeling a..." + (show)
@karjack

The sun is shining here, for me and in my world "today" I am feeling a bit more positive, although it's still a tough road to walk. I blocked my x so he can't call. step in the right direction. I can't believe the time I have spent trying to change this man, if I only say this, or that, he'll get it. He never will. He's a narcissist, and they are a lost cause. I am a human that cares too much sometimes. Or do I have that wrong? Anyway thanks for the notes , I so appreciate it, it helps.

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Hello @karjack,

It has been several days since you last posted about blocking your X so that he can't call you. How are you doing?

Have you taken any steps towards finding a therapist to help you?

REPLY
Iseeincolors | @karjack | Nov 24, 2020
In reply to @karjack "The sun is shining here, for me and in my world "today" I am feeling a..." + (show)
@karjack

The sun is shining here, for me and in my world "today" I am feeling a bit more positive, although it's still a tough road to walk. I blocked my x so he can't call. step in the right direction. I can't believe the time I have spent trying to change this man, if I only say this, or that, he'll get it. He never will. He's a narcissist, and they are a lost cause. I am a human that cares too much sometimes. Or do I have that wrong? Anyway thanks for the notes , I so appreciate it, it helps.

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follow up on not talking to my X, deep breath, and I feel better about myself most days . I have to talk myself out of feeling bad for him and his Cancer, but for heaven sake he's been dying for 10 years, he just wants pity. I know he has it, i've seen the paperwork, but really.
I also know My Husband is feeling better having me not talk to my X. Although he's not a communicator ! and as a result of this he ends up screaming at me when I need an explanation for something, it's always about money. I am always the one who initiates the conversation about WTH just happened? he says he's sorry and we start over............I'm off to go outside and breathe.

REPLY
2 replies
buyearly | @buyearly | Nov 24, 2020
In reply to @karjack "follow up on not talking to my X, deep breath, and I feel better about myself..." + (show)
@karjack

follow up on not talking to my X, deep breath, and I feel better about myself most days . I have to talk myself out of feeling bad for him and his Cancer, but for heaven sake he's been dying for 10 years, he just wants pity. I know he has it, i've seen the paperwork, but really.
I also know My Husband is feeling better having me not talk to my X. Although he's not a communicator ! and as a result of this he ends up screaming at me when I need an explanation for something, it's always about money. I am always the one who initiates the conversation about WTH just happened? he says he's sorry and we start over............I'm off to go outside and breathe.

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I have the same issues with my husband. No matter what I say it seems he always yells and makes me feel like I am the problem, the one at fault. For the longest time (and still learning not to take his emotions as my fault) I would be offended, try to figure out why (obsess), be defensive and apologize. He almost NEVER apologizes, since he thinks everything is my fault! Here is what my Psychiatrist suggested and I have been trying:
1. You can't help being offended by his actions - they do hurt. Acknowledge your feelings, if only silently.
2. You can't change the other person unless he wants. Accept he's not going to change.
3. Even though you are stuck and can't win, choose to Assign his behavior to God and give it to HIM to take care of.
4. This leaves your Attention to more productively think about other things and people.
5. This is a new habit that can be learned and as all habits, takes practice. The more you practice, the easier it becomes. I'm only about 40-50% there, but it is more freeing than trying to deal with it.
ACKNOWLEDGE - ACCEPT - ASSIGN - ATTENTION - AHH - PEACE!!
This is helping me - I sure hope it helps you, too! God Bless You... Sharon

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1 reply
Iseeincolors | @karjack | Nov 24, 2020

I acknowledge, but I don't accept, I won't be yelled at, I was in a 20 year marriage of yelling, mental abuse and physical abuse. I won't be yelled at for any reason, it makes me feel disrespected. I let him know this. Maybe someday it will sink in. I don't think you'll get peace by sending it up to God. use your words. and if need be walk away if the yelling starts again. Tune up are necessary for everyone. Lets do this.

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2 replies
mandrake70 | @mandrake70 | Nov 24, 2020

I was in a 17 year marriage with the last 10 years consisting of me and my daughters being yelled at or gas lit. This isn't something to put up with. I did only because of my girls. You need to get out.

REPLY
buyearly | @buyearly | Nov 24, 2020
In reply to @buyearly "I have the same issues with my husband. No matter what I say it seems he..." + (show)
@buyearly

I have the same issues with my husband. No matter what I say it seems he always yells and makes me feel like I am the problem, the one at fault. For the longest time (and still learning not to take his emotions as my fault) I would be offended, try to figure out why (obsess), be defensive and apologize. He almost NEVER apologizes, since he thinks everything is my fault! Here is what my Psychiatrist suggested and I have been trying:
1. You can't help being offended by his actions - they do hurt. Acknowledge your feelings, if only silently.
2. You can't change the other person unless he wants. Accept he's not going to change.
3. Even though you are stuck and can't win, choose to Assign his behavior to God and give it to HIM to take care of.
4. This leaves your Attention to more productively think about other things and people.
5. This is a new habit that can be learned and as all habits, takes practice. The more you practice, the easier it becomes. I'm only about 40-50% there, but it is more freeing than trying to deal with it.
ACKNOWLEDGE - ACCEPT - ASSIGN - ATTENTION - AHH - PEACE!!
This is helping me - I sure hope it helps you, too! God Bless You... Sharon

Jump to this post

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through (and are going). When I said to "accept" I think what my Doctor meant is to accept the fact that the other person is not going to change (unless he wants to) For me, accepting that fact helps me to realize that it's his problem, not mine. The biggest problem that I have is NOT taking back a situation after I've given it to GOD. So hard, but when I don't take it back, obsessing over it, is when I experience GOD's peace because I know HE can handle it a whole! lot better!! Sharon

REPLY
1 reply
Hank | @jesfactsmon | Nov 24, 2020
In reply to @buyearly "I'm so sorry for what you have gone through (and are going). When I said to..." + (show)
@buyearly

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through (and are going). When I said to "accept" I think what my Doctor meant is to accept the fact that the other person is not going to change (unless he wants to) For me, accepting that fact helps me to realize that it's his problem, not mine. The biggest problem that I have is NOT taking back a situation after I've given it to GOD. So hard, but when I don't take it back, obsessing over it, is when I experience GOD's peace because I know HE can handle it a whole! lot better!! Sharon

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Hi, I just read through a few of these recent posts. You guys are talking about accepting being yelled at on an ongoing basis by a self absorbed crazy person. I do not see that working. If you are with someone who has no interest in listening to you or trying to see your side of the argument then you are with someone who will end up continuing to hurt you. That relationship is worth not a thing to you. I know it is hard to leave a person who you have come to depend on for certain things (whatever they may be) but it really is not worth it ultimately. I remember saying to my wife once back in the late 70s "it's your problem" and she saw RED! And she was right. It was not "her" problem. If it is a problem with you and your spouse in your marriage then it a problem for both of you. My wife taught me SO MUCH, but I had to be humble enough to see it. I was just young and dumb and had zero experience in navigating relationships then. If your spouse does not have it in them to be humble and they just don't "get it" (my wifes frequent words to me) then you are in a dead end relationship. My two cents, in case it is worth anything for you. Best, Hank

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Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Nov 24, 2020
In reply to @karjack "I acknowledge, but I don't accept, I won't be yelled at, I was in a 20..." + (show)
@karjack

I acknowledge, but I don't accept, I won't be yelled at, I was in a 20 year marriage of yelling, mental abuse and physical abuse. I won't be yelled at for any reason, it makes me feel disrespected. I let him know this. Maybe someday it will sink in. I don't think you'll get peace by sending it up to God. use your words. and if need be walk away if the yelling starts again. Tune up are necessary for everyone. Lets do this.

Jump to this post

@karjack Good for you! I can certainly see you starting to change, right in front of my eyes! YEA! [yes, in all caps, I am proud of you!] Abuse is abuse. Not all the time does it leave a physical scar. Been there, done that. And when you put your foot down and say "no more" it sounds just as strange to your own ears as it does to the abuser. You gotta be strong, practice everyday to change the habit of acknowledging but not accepting. When my husband raises his voice, many times it triggers my PTSD, and I have told him that we cannot progress in a healthy way like that.

You have helped your relationship with your current husband by blocking your ex, and encourage him to help you recover through all this. It sounds like he will be onboard to offer support.
Ginger

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