Stress/Anxiety/Insomnia/Memory Issues

Posted by mandrake70 @mandrake70, Aug 30, 2019

Hi everyone,
I've had depression for the past 30 years or so and was on some heavy medications, tried ECT, etc. Nothing worked. I ended up trying the Ketamine Infusions and they worked for getting rid of my depression. I'm still dealing with anxiety and some really bad memory issues. I can't remember a lot of things that happened in the past and I am having trouble with remembering new things. Sometimes I am OK with making new memories, other times I can't recall a damn thing. My doctor is telling me that it's the anxiety and the insomnia that is causing the problem with my memory. Before the Ketamine treatments, it was depression and anxiety that were causing my memory problems.
I'm scared that it's the medication I was on for so long or the ECTs I underwent at the suggestions of my old doctor. She had me over medicated so I wonder if that could be some of the problems too. I have this fear that it is early onset dementia.
I'm also dealing with being separated from my wife and daughter right now. My wife pretty much gave up on me due to the depression and asked me to move out two months ago. Now that it is gone, she is angry about my memory issues and wants me to come up with a plan to fix everything that has gone wrong in our marriage. I tried sitting down with her last night with a pen and paper so I could get a list of things she felt needed to be fixed and she wouldn't go over it again with me. I am pretty sure we are done at this point which is adding a lot of stress to my life. She has some issues too but doesn't believe she does so they have gone untreated. Her issues have caused a huge rift in the family over the years and made my depression worse. I have always been a fixer so I keep trying to fix the marriage. I think at this point, it might be better if I stop trying.
My daughter asked me to take her to a therapist last night because of what she is going through right now and how she is feeling. I will be calling her doctor and getting that set up today. Something else for me to worry about right now and I am really scared for her.

Thanks for 'listening.'

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@mandrake70

Hi @lisalucier,

Yeah, a lot is going on and I am not doing all that well. I am staying with my mother right now since I have been having problems. My dad died last year so she has been happy to have me there. My wife wanted me to get an apartment on my own in town. She felt that being on my own would be better for me and show that I was strong enough to get back with her. She told me she doesn't want to be my mother any longer and I needed to show I could be independent. She also felt that I have been seeing psychiatrists for years and it hasn't done any good for me so I really didn't need the medication. I will admit, that last two psychiatrists I saw did more damage than good. I have felt better since doing the ketamine treatments a few weeks but today is pretty bad. I went for another treatment last week and may have to go for more. I don't know at this point. I need to be strong for my daughter but I don't know if I can be.

Thanks for introducing @jimhd.

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Where can I try Ketamine treatments in Iowa that are paid for by Medicare? I've tried everything also. The meds have helped but I also have severe OCD. Maria.

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@mariajean03

Where can I try Ketamine treatments in Iowa that are paid for by Medicare? I've tried everything also. The meds have helped but I also have severe OCD. Maria.

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@mariajean03 You will probably have to Google ketamine clinics in your area. The only thing that would be covered by Medicare (I think) would be the nasal version SPRAVATO. I have no experience with that, just stuff that I have read. Sadly, the IV infusions aren't covered at this point. Have you talked with your doctor about it?

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@mandrake70

@mariajean03 You will probably have to Google ketamine clinics in your area. The only thing that would be covered by Medicare (I think) would be the nasal version SPRAVATO. I have no experience with that, just stuff that I have read. Sadly, the IV infusions aren't covered at this point. Have you talked with your doctor about it?

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Dr. says ect's are much more effective. I'll never go thru those again! I think they terrify the patient and should be banned. Maria.

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ECT is along lived treatment for depression. I am a Mental Health Clinical Nurse Specialist and did my thesis on ECT at major hospitals in Alabama. This treatment can be very effective IF provided by a knowledgeable MD. Depending on how many treatments are required, the side effects vary. The. Main side effect is short-term memory loss. It is not permanent and can be reduced with planned post treatment intervention. A simple schedule, a person available to help right after. Really know your treator. Do not believe myths, as with anything you need highly knowledgeable md and nurses. Some people get it in their psychiatrists office.

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@engelee I have read that ECTs have worked well for other people. I had mine in the hospital. They had no real affect except messing me up. For me ketamine has worked where nothing else really did.

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@engelee

ECT is along lived treatment for depression. I am a Mental Health Clinical Nurse Specialist and did my thesis on ECT at major hospitals in Alabama. This treatment can be very effective IF provided by a knowledgeable MD. Depending on how many treatments are required, the side effects vary. The. Main side effect is short-term memory loss. It is not permanent and can be reduced with planned post treatment intervention. A simple schedule, a person available to help right after. Really know your treator. Do not believe myths, as with anything you need highly knowledgeable md and nurses. Some people get it in their psychiatrists office.

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@engelee

Thank you for your balanced perspective. My doctors, pcp, neurologist, pain specialist, therapist and psychiatrist, were all supportive of me getting ECT, and I was approved for it by the doctor at OHSU, and their social worker was helping me work out the logistics. OHSU is 160 miles away, quite a commute.
After a lot of effort, I became too overwhelmed by the logistics and just gave up.

That was around 10 years ago. I was in a deep, dark hole of depression - I was in that hole for a very long time, more than 5 years, then I sat on the edge of the hole for several more years. I still live not far from the hole.

I know for sure that stress, anxiety, insomnia, memory problems and depression can all be intertwined. They often feed on each other. At least they do for me. Insomnia isn't a problem, thankfully. My sleep doctor told me I need to sleep less and stop the long naps.

I haven't kept up with ECT. I suppose that there have been some changes in the decade since I considered doing it.

I'm thankful that there are people like you who care for people like me. I know that I'm alive and functional today because of the mental health professionals who have treated me over the past 15+ years. You are appreciated.

Jim

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I'm so sorry to read all the whoas, I too feel as if I am going crazy not being able to remember this from my past, I am pretty sure that it's because at a young age I was abused by my husband mentally and physically. we had 2 kids at a very young age 19. and i'm sure he couldn't have cared less. I don't have one family picture. my son is an alcoholic and my x doesn't even talk to our daughter. I'm so sick that i even talk to him. we live in different states. He makes me feel like a telephone mom even though my kids and I are fine.sometimes I can't even think of certain words in simple sentences. I've had therapy, it helps for me to cry and cry, sometimes like last few days i just don't want to even be here. My husband is sick and tired of hearing about my x. i can't blame him.
whoa is me, I should be happy I have a good life, but I am not.I take ambien to sleep at times, I just had rotator cuff surgery, so i've been in pain for over 8 months, I can't remember anything from my past except for being abused. I'm tired.

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@karjack

I'm so sorry to read all the whoas, I too feel as if I am going crazy not being able to remember this from my past, I am pretty sure that it's because at a young age I was abused by my husband mentally and physically. we had 2 kids at a very young age 19. and i'm sure he couldn't have cared less. I don't have one family picture. my son is an alcoholic and my x doesn't even talk to our daughter. I'm so sick that i even talk to him. we live in different states. He makes me feel like a telephone mom even though my kids and I are fine.sometimes I can't even think of certain words in simple sentences. I've had therapy, it helps for me to cry and cry, sometimes like last few days i just don't want to even be here. My husband is sick and tired of hearing about my x. i can't blame him.
whoa is me, I should be happy I have a good life, but I am not.I take ambien to sleep at times, I just had rotator cuff surgery, so i've been in pain for over 8 months, I can't remember anything from my past except for being abused. I'm tired.

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@karjack You mentioned you have had therapy before. Are you currently in a professional therapy, or might you consider it? It sounds like you have quite a struggle right now.

If you feel you are in danger of doing something to end your life, please call 911, or the the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline https://988lifeline.org.

Are you taking any medications for anti-depression? Please let me know how you are doing today.
Ginger

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@karjack

I'm so sorry to read all the whoas, I too feel as if I am going crazy not being able to remember this from my past, I am pretty sure that it's because at a young age I was abused by my husband mentally and physically. we had 2 kids at a very young age 19. and i'm sure he couldn't have cared less. I don't have one family picture. my son is an alcoholic and my x doesn't even talk to our daughter. I'm so sick that i even talk to him. we live in different states. He makes me feel like a telephone mom even though my kids and I are fine.sometimes I can't even think of certain words in simple sentences. I've had therapy, it helps for me to cry and cry, sometimes like last few days i just don't want to even be here. My husband is sick and tired of hearing about my x. i can't blame him.
whoa is me, I should be happy I have a good life, but I am not.I take ambien to sleep at times, I just had rotator cuff surgery, so i've been in pain for over 8 months, I can't remember anything from my past except for being abused. I'm tired.

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@karjack
It sounds like you are unhappy in the most important relationships in your life, your children, your husband and your ex husband. You indicate that even to this day, after being separated from your ex for so long, he is still a torment to you. This is very unhealthy. I do not know you. I only know what you have said here so what I am going to say may or may not apply to you, it's just based on what you have said.

I believe you need to stop communicating with your ex husband. You obviously want to continue with a close relationship with your kids and that goes without saying, but this other person who you eliminated from your life once before should not still be a part of it. It would be unrealistic to think this will solve all of your problems, but change has to start somewhere, and getting this abusive person removed once and for all from your life sounds like a good place to start.

Here is something that might help. If you believe in God, this is the time to ask for his help. If you keep your mind turned toward him and sincerely ask for his help and for strength to deal more effectively with your life, you may, with time, be surprised at what comes. If you do not have a belief in God or at least some type of higher power, the advice still stands. Get rid of your ex from your life.

I am very saddened to hear about anyone allowing an abusive person to remain in their life. Please do this for yourself, your husband and your kids. It will absolutely improve your life, I am certain of it.

With warm regards and hope for a better life for you, Hank

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@mandrake70 I too have depression as far back as childhood. I have tried ECT and did have some memory issues but with time most of it has come back. I've read some of your other posts and Ambien can cause some of the sleep walking which I have experienced and scary. Melatonin helps me with sleep but in small doses 3 mg because in higher doses caused me to have horrific nightmares. Your daughter seems to be a positive in your life and we all need that. Blessings and prayers🙏

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