1. < Mental Health

~ Transition group vs. therapist ~

Posted by Barb @amberpep, Jun 1, 2019

My former sister-in-law died this week quite unexpectedly;the memorial service is being held today as she was cremated. My X-husband of course went up (her brother), both my daughters and their husbands, and my son. She and I were never buddy/buddy .... I only saw her once or twice a year, but this just is another reminder that I am not part of the family any longer. My whole family is dead, including parents. I'm the last of our lineage. Somehow, and for some dumb reason, it makes me sad and left out. And, I think I mentioned that I'm part of a Transitions group through our Behavioral Health Systems through the local hospital, which has been good so far. Well, I got an e-mail this week from my therapist in MD (whom I'd been with 10+ years) telling me that while I'm in this group we should take a break from appts. or having on-the-phone appts. which we often did since I live almost 3-4 hours away. I totally understand what he was saying but I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. We would joke that I had this little group of "safe men" .... my son, one of my sons-in-law, and him (my therapist). Otherwise I felt all men were sexually driven pigs. Well, now my little group of 3 is down to 2. Now I totally understand why this must be, but why do I feel so lousy? It seems everywhere I turn there's rejection. (I know, poor me) I have a book I'm going to re-read called The Highly Sensitive Person .... I read it a long time ago and it's good. I'm not dressing today, phone is off and my front door is locked and barred (it's a very bad section), and I'm just going to read.. No need to respond to yet another of my whinings .... I just needed to vent I guess.
abby

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Ethan McConkey, Moderator | @ethanmcconkey | Jun 2, 2019

HI @amberpep thank you for sharing your feelings and feeling comfortable to vent to this community. I wanted to offer my condolences on the death in your family, and the loss you are feeling by not meeting with your therapist.

How was your day of reading? I hope you found some rest and comfort in your book.

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Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Jun 3, 2019

Hello @amberpep

It is always OK to vent here at Connect. Sorry to hear that your sister-in-law's death is triggering your feelings of being isolated and left-out. The feeling of being left out of the family is a tough one to be sure.

Your book sounds good, I've not heard of it before. If you ever care to share how it helps you, I would be interested in hearing more about it.

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Moderator
Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Jun 3, 2019

Hi, @amberpep - I'm sorry to hear about the death of your sister-in-law and also the feelings that her death brings up of not being part of the family any longer. I wanted to bring into this discussion @parus @gingerw @becsbuddy @karen00, so that they can be updated with this new discussion you've started and what you've shared here.

How was the reading day yesterday? At this point, are you trying to decide if you want to proceed with the transition group vs. continuing with the therapist in MD?

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1 reply
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Jun 3, 2019

@amberpep So sorry to hear about your sister-in-law's passing. Memorials are for those still here, but that doesn't mean that you have to be there in person to have your own memorial for her. Even if you were not close to her, there may be things that you remember about her that are positive. Remember those times and remember that for the next however long you may see/smell/hear things that will remind you of her. And that is okay.

Feeling isolated from family is something that a lot of us have felt. It's something that we have to work on all the time, and we have to make the decision whether we are okay with that isolation or not. Sometimes it is in our best interest [emotionally, mentally and physically] to be isolated from them. Sometimes we need to "get out of our own way" and make an attempt to not be so isolated. Listening to your own self will let you know what is going to work best for you.

Regarding the idea of your transitions group versus your therapist and feeling that you have lost another one of your safety net people. I think I can understand where your therapist is coming from. I recall you told us all of the work that you did before this transition group, and it seems like he was key in that. So you have that and can be very thankful for that. Now, you have the opportunity to spread your wings a little bit and put into practice what you learned about yourself, about the peeling of the onion's layers. I don't think that he would have you stopped interacting with him unless he felt that you were ready for it and ready for you to see how far you've come! Don't take it as a negative but as a positive, showing that he feels that you are ready to take the steps on your own, to fly. I'll wager you will find you are stronger than you believe. Thank him for believing in you and believing that you're ready. Now you need to believe it too!

Will you check back in with us and let us know how you are doing?
Ginger

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1 reply
karen00 | @karen00 | Jun 8, 2019
In reply to @lisalucier "Hi, @amberpep - I'm sorry to hear about the death of your sister-in-law and also the..." + (show)
@lisalucier

Hi, @amberpep - I'm sorry to hear about the death of your sister-in-law and also the feelings that her death brings up of not being part of the family any longer. I wanted to bring into this discussion @parus @gingerw @becsbuddy @karen00, so that they can be updated with this new discussion you've started and what you've shared here.

How was the reading day yesterday? At this point, are you trying to decide if you want to proceed with the transition group vs. continuing with the therapist in MD?

Jump to this post

@lisalucier Hi Lisa, I’m so sorry for your losses. I lost my therapist of 25 years in December. You have grown! You WILL get through this! My therapist always said that it’s only the strong ones that seek help. You have demonstrated that. Keep writing us - we care!!!!.. Karen

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Barb | @amberpep | Jun 10, 2019
In reply to @gingerw "@amberpep So sorry to hear about your sister-in-law's passing. Memorials are for those still here, but..." + (show)
@gingerw

@amberpep So sorry to hear about your sister-in-law's passing. Memorials are for those still here, but that doesn't mean that you have to be there in person to have your own memorial for her. Even if you were not close to her, there may be things that you remember about her that are positive. Remember those times and remember that for the next however long you may see/smell/hear things that will remind you of her. And that is okay.

Feeling isolated from family is something that a lot of us have felt. It's something that we have to work on all the time, and we have to make the decision whether we are okay with that isolation or not. Sometimes it is in our best interest [emotionally, mentally and physically] to be isolated from them. Sometimes we need to "get out of our own way" and make an attempt to not be so isolated. Listening to your own self will let you know what is going to work best for you.

Regarding the idea of your transitions group versus your therapist and feeling that you have lost another one of your safety net people. I think I can understand where your therapist is coming from. I recall you told us all of the work that you did before this transition group, and it seems like he was key in that. So you have that and can be very thankful for that. Now, you have the opportunity to spread your wings a little bit and put into practice what you learned about yourself, about the peeling of the onion's layers. I don't think that he would have you stopped interacting with him unless he felt that you were ready for it and ready for you to see how far you've come! Don't take it as a negative but as a positive, showing that he feels that you are ready to take the steps on your own, to fly. I'll wager you will find you are stronger than you believe. Thank him for believing in you and believing that you're ready. Now you need to believe it too!

Will you check back in with us and let us know how you are doing?
Ginger

Jump to this post

Thank you Ginger ... you have really given me things to think about. You're right ... I don't think he would have done this if he didn't think I was ready .... the dialectical therapy is a whole different system of thinking ... something I definitely need. The first part of the class is learning to really do deep breathing exercises. Admittedly, I always thought this was a bunch of hokey. The first two we did, my mind was running all over the place; then the third one we did ..... well, when it was over I wanted to take a nap! Guess it worked! So, I look forward to new things regarding my own mental health.
abby

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1 reply
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Jun 10, 2019
In reply to @amberpep "Thank you Ginger ... you have really given me things to think about. You're right ......" + (show)
@amberpep

Thank you Ginger ... you have really given me things to think about. You're right ... I don't think he would have done this if he didn't think I was ready .... the dialectical therapy is a whole different system of thinking ... something I definitely need. The first part of the class is learning to really do deep breathing exercises. Admittedly, I always thought this was a bunch of hokey. The first two we did, my mind was running all over the place; then the third one we did ..... well, when it was over I wanted to take a nap! Guess it worked! So, I look forward to new things regarding my own mental health.
abby

Jump to this post

@amberpep Sometimes we need to change things up a bit to keep progressing forward. At the beginning of something new, it might feel like you're going backwards, but persevere! We're all so glad to hear that things are looking brighter for you!
Ginger

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Barb | @amberpep | Jun 11, 2019

Thanks everyone …. I appreciate your kindness. We've had 2 3-day weeks now, and (please don't misunderstand this) I think I'm the healthiest one in the group. There are some very sad souls in there. Some really need long-term intense therapy ….. I hope they get it. abby

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2 replies
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Jun 12, 2019
In reply to @amberpep "Thanks everyone …. I appreciate your kindness. We've had 2 3-day weeks now, and (please don't..." + (show)
@amberpep

Thanks everyone …. I appreciate your kindness. We've had 2 3-day weeks now, and (please don't misunderstand this) I think I'm the healthiest one in the group. There are some very sad souls in there. Some really need long-term intense therapy ….. I hope they get it. abby

Jump to this post

@amberpep Hi Abby, it is good to read that you feel you have progressed positively during this "transitions" group. Aren't you glad you took a deep breath and attended that first session, as scary as it must have been?!
Ginger

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Moderator
Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Jul 3, 2019
In reply to @amberpep "Thanks everyone …. I appreciate your kindness. We've had 2 3-day weeks now, and (please don't..." + (show)
@amberpep

Thanks everyone …. I appreciate your kindness. We've had 2 3-day weeks now, and (please don't misunderstand this) I think I'm the healthiest one in the group. There are some very sad souls in there. Some really need long-term intense therapy ….. I hope they get it. abby

Jump to this post

Hi, @amberpep - wondering how you are doing and how the transitions group has been going?

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