~ Dialectical Skills ~

Hello @amberpep! My spouse has BPD, and he misplaces and loses important items all the time! So you're not the only person who loses keys, phones, etc.

I'm currently in counseling, and doing that 'deep work' too. It hurts, and is exhausting, but I need to do it if I'm going to make any progress in recovering from my mental sickness.

I have anxiety, and I'm learning that reframing concerns can reduce my anxiety. For example, I've been struggling with my weight, and ashamed of my body, my whole life. The popular 'body positivity' - loving my body - concept is too much of a mental leap for me, and it winds up my anxiety. Body neutrality, which removes the emotional values of love and hate and lowers the stakes, is something I can accept. Thinking of my body as a vehicle for my mind, and that it requires careful maintenance to function properly, is a step towards unconditional acceptance.

DBT works!

@zoobditty Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. We're glad to have you at our cyber-table. Congratulations to you on doing the heavy work of finding out what works best for you, in healing. It never ceases to amaze me how many ways there are to do healing work. As I was reading your post, it dawned on me that over the decades I have done so much, having been through different types of counselors, etc. I have such an opposition to labels of any sorts that I have never fully embraced a particular definition of things that I am doing to get better. I am better than I used to be, have a ways to go [perhaps a long ways to go!] but I just don't put labels on things, procedures, or techniques. Perhaps the fact that I am better is what counts and that's enough for me.

If you care to share, please tell us how helping a spouse with BPD affects your day-to-day living, both as an individual and as a couple?
Ginger

Thanks, Ginger! Since I am a high-functioning person on the autism spectrum, and as a result, I've had social anxiety all my life, I've had counseling off and on for 30 years. The meds are more recent - I think I started those in 2012.

I will start my own thread, because this is amberpep's thread.

The short answer to "please tell us how helping a spouse with BPD affects your day-to-day living, both as an individual and as a couple?"

My spouse has multiple diagnoses, both Borderline Personality Disorder and Gender Dysmorphia (transgender). His and our decline was slow. He self-medicated with drinking, and was sort of functional for quite a while, keeping a job. The thing is, all he did was work, and some cooking. I did everything else. Raised our autistic son, worked part time, most chores, paid bills, made and kept track of appointments, took care of our vehicles, etc.

( I'll continue this later - writing this is harder than I thought.)

Bravo on your progress and like your comment on "working on hard stuff". I feel a bit stuck a b d think I really need to work on traumatic events in my life for a breakthrough in the hopes of moving forward but difficult to find therapist in remote area and COVID.