My dad has a mass on bladder and kidney not functioning

Yes i agree- on another opinion.-and it does sound awful to be ‘scraped’ its apparently an in and out procedure.

@formydad I’m coming into this discussion late but I have some ideas. Did your dad name someone as his medical power of attorney in case he can’t make decisions? Ask him to add you also and to tell the doctor that he can speak to you. Your dad just has to give permission. When my father was very ill, my mother told the surgeons that they would have to speak to me. My father wasn’t able to make decisions and my mother felt I would understand details better. As a nurse, we (doctors and nurses) would gladly speak to anyone if the patient said it was OK. Even though he’s had surgery already, it’s not to late to get involved. Make a list of questions and let the doctor’s office know that you want a conversation. Is there any way that you can go to where your parents are so you can go to an appointment with them? It will really help you! I hope this will help. Becky

Yes i’m near them - i’ve asked my dad to make separate appointments to get better answes from the urologist and he has.. and my mom has been going with him to appointments and stayed the whole 4 days with him in hospital when he got his kidney and tube to it taken out - two weeks later- he just got his bladder scraped again today- the doc apparently said he will need to get his bladder removed chemo wont work if its in Lining?
So im assuming he’s waiting for results again they sent him home after a 15 min procedure with a cath to be taken out on thursday- i just feel like this is going WaY too fast and he needs second opinion which he agreed to get if he suggested his bladder be remover next- and so non shalantly like its no big deal. It is a big deal...

Thank you for your advice i do appreciate it!!! Very much thats most helpful and ive told them im here to help im just waiting!!!

Need More info -where do you go with the shock of it all...
- dad went to doc with mom after last scraping to get cath out today - the urologist said bladder cancer in muscle wall of bladder its aggressive-needs to come out - or he has 2-4 years to live. Also they are to fo see an oncologist wed. What do you do or go from here?
They are in shock. I am im shock.

Hello, @formydad - sounds like it has been a fast whirlwind of activity and revelations with your dad. Since the urologist said the bladder cancer in the muscle wall of the bladder is aggressive, and needs to come out, or he has 2-4 years to live, I can imagine this would be a shock. Makes sense he will be going to the oncologist next.

I believe your question about where do you go from here is not about treatment, but about how to deal with the shock of it all? I'd like to bring in some others who have been part of this conversation before or have talked about bladder cancer elsewhere on Connect who may have some input on this, like @kamama94 @predictable @jolinda @spooz2 @mrbigdog2u. @becsbuddy also may have some thoughts for you.

Here is a resource from the American Cancer Society on support programs where you can look up what might be available in your area https://www.cancer.org/treatment/support-programs-and-services.html.

How is your dad feeling today, physically speaking?

Yeah it has been a whirlwind and now he faces the worst case senario - and an awful surgery he only has one kidney now its really scary-i know hes not the only one whos been through this or is going through this but it is a shock- he feels ok physically but hes just shocked as a man hes thinking about everything.
Worst case down- he asked the urologist what happens if i do all this and i still get cancer whats the prognosis of it all he said again 2-4 yrs?! Doesnt give him much hope.. i told my mom to encourage him not to sit at home to try to get out as much as possible so not to get depressed.

Yes try to encourage him..it's the way you approach a situation..and how you accept it! Keep hope alive..I had kidney cancer,I was told the other was damage..they remove one..still her it I have stage 3 kidney disease,trying to eat right.its...so hard but got to keep postive..keep hope,and keep faith.but who knows he may live longer than what they told him..pray and trust!

Thanks for your thoughtfulness - advice and telling me your story!
I know my dads not the only one going through this and i think that it helps if maybe he can talk to people going through or have gone through it- i told him i was on this site asking questions and i pass on a lot ive learned maybe its helping me- too its so hard-and i trust the Lord and i plan to try to keep his spirits up! And i am praying! Theres just some times when you - lose your breath about it all! Thanks again for opening up! Ill be praying for you too God knows your name 🙂

@formydad May I suggest your dad go to rsnhope.org website. This is done by Lori Hartwell, who has had kidney disease for 50 years, and has been transplanted 4 times. She has put a lot of effort in to the site, and there is tons of information there. There is also a helpline there. Get signed up for the newsletter and updates. You both will be glad you did.
Ginger