Suicide: Finding it hard to lose someone by suicide

@georgette12

I appreciate your sharing these feelings. I notice you use the phrase, "I should have been able to stop him." Wondering how realistic that really is. As adults, we each have a free will to act as we choose. Can we really impose our choices on others? (My answer to that question would be "no.")

Would others in our group like to respond to that as well?

Well I have suffered from depression and suicide attempts. I can tell you that I didn't want to die I just wanted the emotional pain to stop. There's nothing my family could of done to stop me. It was my choice. When you are that depressed you are not thinking clearly. You are in the dark and can't find your way out. I don't want you to feel guilty, it's ok and normal and perfectly understandable. I hope this helps. I hope you can find peace i have no doubt your son loved you getting much. Ultimately I decided to save myself. I didn't want to die. I received therapy and it's taken years to build my life back to where I can feel hopeful but it tore my family apart and I've lost relationships so it still affects my life. Hope you can find comfort and peace

@anndomico

I noticedthat several people have reached out to your post, but you haven't responded. How long ago did this happen? If it's recent, I can understand your not wanting to respond about it. Please just let us know that you're OK, and are taking care of yourself. We understand.

@anndomico - I'm glad you started this discussion, as I can imagine dealing with the feelings of loss after a person you know commits suicide is incredibly painful, and getting some support is really important. Seems like others have also experienced intense pain as a result of a loss like this.

I also like to invite into this discussion some other Connect members who may be interested in reading and following this discussion (see "+Follow" at bottom of the initial post) @basslakeview @xfirerose @rmftucker @tujaded @sadiesmom @tracyeylens @roochie @liz223 @Gray @tabi @reneee @ikampel2 @johndoe1. Hoping they may also post and share some of their experiences and insights, as they feel comfortable.

Regarding guilt...when someone you love commits suicide....I definitely intellectually know that it was their choice. But so far I've never talked to anyone who doesn't feel guilt.

I’m so sorry. It is the worst.

Gail it happened last week and I having a very hard time shaking the depressive feelings I have. Besides this incident, two other people I know have died in these last two weeks. But the suicide was the worst because he was a high school principal, a very well liked person. My husband is also a principal and had just lunch with him....

I remember when I was suicidal that felt nothing, no love for my husband, 3 grown children and 5 grandchildren. I just couldn’t stand the pain. But something got me to go to the hospital three times. This happened after a doctor gave me a meds wash. Never let anyone do that to you cold turkey.

dealing with this now. and it has opened my eyes. more of my guilt comes from what I must have put my family thru from my own experiences. But they are gone now.. so no apologizing. And guilt as the person that shot himself 2 days ago was here earlier in the week and I was so sick, I didn't hardly say 'hi' to him. I just went to my loft and went to bed. I have been giving him hugs every time I seen him lately as he had been making himself 'scarce'... but,, I didn't hardly say hi. With the pain I feel for him ( and I do respect his decision and understand it), he was physically sick for a long time, I have looked at my past and told Pam I will never put her thru this pain. I still need the release of cutting,, but will be more careful.. and hopefully with my new therapy, just stop. It is all too much. Maybe it is just the 'shock' of him shooting himself. But I know he was very sick and did not want to live that way, so I feel I must be happy with his decision and support it....................................................

I'm starting to think that we need to "adjust" our ideas about suicide. I think that when a teenager committs suicide, it's completely different from a 70 year-old committing suicide. Or if someone is 60 or over and wants to die, who are we to tell them, "No! You have so much to live for! So many people love you!"? They may just have "had it" with being alive and the stresses that come with it. I think it would sound more appropriate to say, "He decided that he didn't want to live any longer," instead of saying, "He committed suicide!"