A nervous human-being

I understand fear and I learned a lot when it was me who needed major surgery. I was a spine surgery patient at Mayo. I'm also the daughter of a heart surgery patient when my dad had a quadruple bypass years ago. I know this very stressful, and you can use that nervous energy another way to help yourself get through it. If your thoughts are trapped in that something bad could happen.... how about thinking about how much good can come out of a medical intervention, and how you will be able to help your father in recovery? If you can express gratitude toward the team who is there to take care of your dad, it will help ease your fears by thinking good thoughts toward them and being thankful that medical advancements are available now to help your dad. You can advocate for your dad by understanding his procedure and his needs and by being there to support him any way that you can.

Through all of my dad's health problems and while I was a caregiver to him, I had more time to spend with him. I am grateful for that. All of that was happening while I was searching for help for my spine problem, and I was in pain, and 5 surgeons turned me down. I really was afraid of loosing the ability to use my arms and hands and becoming disabled. I was also afraid of the surgery that would save my ability to work as an artist......and then at the same time, I was loosing my dad. I wondered for years how I would handle that when the time came, and while I was helping him and being his advocate for his medical care, I realized that I was more like a parent to my dad and that I was handling everything just fine. My dad's biggest concern was not for himself, but that he didn't want my mother to be alone, and the day came when he told me that he didn't want to live anymore because of the disability he was living with and he was elderly and very weak and with end stage heart disease. I realized that the best gift I could give to him was to accept what I could not change because it was his choice, and not mine. If I had wanted my dad to keep living for me when his life was so very difficult, that would be selfish on my part. As sad as that was for me, the best gift I could give my dad was to promise I would take care of my mom, and to let him go with my blessings. When my dad passed, I was the strong one. Two weeks after his services, I got the call to come to Mayo.

I was relieved that help for me was now in my future, and I'd been working on deprogramming my fears with a lot of things, but also using music and art as a place where I could get lost and take a break from the stress and fear. Creativity can help you, so do anything... doodle...adult coloring books...crafts. Listening to relaxing music that you love can help quiet your mind. Do anything that will distract you from worrisome thoughts. While I was at Mayo waiting the be called for surgery at the check in area, I heard another patient called with my dad's name, so it was like he was there with me. My dad had been worried about me and I had promised him I would have spine surgery. Remember to breathe, and to try to relax with slow deep breathing, and if you do that in time and rhythm with music, then you are using music as therapy.

Sometimes we have more ability to cope than we think we do and you might surprise yourself. I did. Here is more about my story.
https://sharing.mayoclinic.org/2019/01/09/using-the-art-of-medicine-to-overcome-fear-of-surgery/

@jenniferhunter
Thank you for sharing your story with @kiko1128. I know she will glean a lot of wisdom from it!

What a wonderful story of love☝️❤️