Hi, @pjss48 - I've had times in my life where nervousness or worry were problems, either because I was in the middle of something stressful, or anticipating something stressful, or that felt overwhelming (e.g., we're preparing our home to sell and move across town, and I've had a couple of nights where my mind was racing and worrying, thinking of a million things we would have to do to get our home "perfect" for the market).
At times when I've experienced nervousness and worry, I've found they were telling me something, like when I was engaged a few years before my current marriage and finally realized after several months my nervousness was telling me something was wrong with proceeding with getting married. Other times, I've found that nervousness and worry were mostly results of my own thought patterns (e.g., I'm feeling worried all day because I'm telling myself repeatedly that I've ruined the hardwood floor by running a humidifier in the room last night, which leaked in a giant puddle, and that it will cost us a couple of thousand dollars to have to refinish the floor and fix it).
When I am worrying about something, often times my husband asks me kindly, "Is that helping?" And, of course, I have to respond, "No, my worrying's not really helping." I was taught some cognitive behavioral therapy techniques a couple years back, and I found them very helpful in a period where worry or nervousness were cropping up — the process of jotting down my repetitive thoughts throughout the day, analyzing them for patterns, and then countering them. I realized that sometimes I can be "killing myself" with my own thought patterns (sort of the "Gee, no wonder I feel lousy - I've been telling myself all day I did a lousy job in giving that speech, or painting that room, or handling that conversation.")
@lisalucier@pjss48 I wish I could offer some words of wisdom but unfortunately, I cannot. I rarely worry about past events, or at least not to a great extent. My worries tend more toward future events. I try to take my mind off of it, but having ADD it tends to go back to whatever it is that concerns me.
JK
Teresa this is something that I have dealt with for many years. My Mother and Sister suffer with the same symptons, Grandmother too. Guess it just runs in the family. Only wish I could get some relief from this terrible feeling. It frightens me and makes me wonder about so many things that might not even happen. I'm fighting it each day and hopefully get some relief, God Bless Patti
Hi Brit,
I too worry, and it seems constant. I find my self stuck in the past over divorce and how my depression and anxiety seemed a little easier to deal with in some ways. Now I am feeling a healthy relationship is not possible. Concern over getting older (60) and alone is a worry. But I have to say that depression and anxiety run in my family on both sides, I have the same diagnosis as my dad and sister, bipolar. My depression, worry and anxiety go back as early as 9- 10 years old. I think my depression is what causes the
ruminating and anxiety. I think the irritability is the worst symptom. Sometimes it has been hard for me to tell if it’s the situation that s making me depressed, obsessive and anxious or if it’s my disorder that makes the situations of life more difficult to deal with. Does anyone else deal with these issues?
Hi Brit,
I too worry, and it seems constant. I find my self stuck in the past over divorce and how my depression and anxiety seemed a little easier to deal with in some ways. Now I am feeling a healthy relationship is not possible. Concern over getting older (60) and alone is a worry. But I have to say that depression and anxiety run in my family on both sides, I have the same diagnosis as my dad and sister, bipolar. My depression, worry and anxiety go back as early as 9- 10 years old. I think my depression is what causes the
ruminating and anxiety. I think the irritability is the worst symptom. Sometimes it has been hard for me to tell if it’s the situation that s making me depressed, obsessive and anxious or if it’s my disorder that makes the situations of life more difficult to deal with. Does anyone else deal with these issues?
I have depression and anxiety especially because of my health conditions. I went to a therapy program DBT and it really helped. The past can he hard to let go but try to be present and practice gratitude.
Dialectical behavior therapy was developed by Marsha Linehan. Do you have a counselor. Watch Marsha Linehan videis in YouTube. You can Google DBT groups in your area.
After trying several SSRI medications with extremely awful side effects I asked my Dr about CBD oil. He agreed it might be worth a try. It turns down the volume on my anxiety and has helped me stop the "what if " cycle. Using a very small dose and it doesn't make you feel medicated or high. It may be worth discussing with your health care provider. I did a lot of research before starting and only buy from reputable companies, no ebay or amazon. Might be an option.
Dialectical behavior therapy was developed by Marsha Linehan. Do you have a counselor. Watch Marsha Linehan videis in YouTube. You can Google DBT groups in your area.
Teresa and Lisa- I have to have a genetic component for nervousness and worry! It's my middle name. I think that it's a silent "What ifs" that our minds are doing, part of our intuition that something is off. What kind of countering your worries do you do Lisa?
This might be helpful: https://www.whatnext.com/blog/posts/don-t-let-worry-rob-you-of-peace-of-mind
Thanks for this good post on worry, @merpreb. I agree especially with the comment about needing to determine worry is destructive. That's essentially what my husband kindly impresses on me when I worry: that it's non-productive and not helpful.
Journaling your repetitive thoughts for a couple of days or a week is pretty instructive, I've found. The patterns tell you a lot. Countering I've done is essentially looking at how realistic or accurate my thoughts are. Often, if quite worried or nervous, I am looking at the worst case, most doomsday scenario exclusively or almost so. Then I need to question the reality or chance the thing I was worrying about might actually happen.
In my scenario where I thought I might be in for a $2000 hardwood floor refinishing job since we had a lot of water in a 12x12-inch puddle that had sat on our bedroom floor for a number of hours from a humidifier gone wrong, I'd ask myself what the percentage chance the floor might be ruined and need a refinishing job would realistically be. 40 percent? I'd then reframe my thoughts and whenever I thought about my floor, I'd remind myself to think about that there is a 60 percent chance our floor will be fine and dry up without ruining the floor.
Hi Brit,
I too worry, and it seems constant. I find my self stuck in the past over divorce and how my depression and anxiety seemed a little easier to deal with in some ways. Now I am feeling a healthy relationship is not possible. Concern over getting older (60) and alone is a worry. But I have to say that depression and anxiety run in my family on both sides, I have the same diagnosis as my dad and sister, bipolar. My depression, worry and anxiety go back as early as 9- 10 years old. I think my depression is what causes the
ruminating and anxiety. I think the irritability is the worst symptom. Sometimes it has been hard for me to tell if it’s the situation that s making me depressed, obsessive and anxious or if it’s my disorder that makes the situations of life more difficult to deal with. Does anyone else deal with these issues?
Your post mirrors my life! I am concerned about aging and loneliness. And depression and anxiety are on both sides of the family. I’m not sure if depression, which I’ve had since 1992, causes the anxiety but usually when 1 is bad, the other is good. Right now, I am battling chronic worry. Tools learned are not helping right now. I think it’s time for chemical intervention. I will also reread some books I have (David Burns’s book is one). It somehow feels good to know I’m not the only one!......Karen
It's the "should be available" that is not there. My my psychiatrist works with me but it is so embarassing telling again my medication isn't working. Help! God Bless Patti
No reason to be embarrassed. The psychiatrist is working for you. If you are not comfortable sharing that something didn’t work, you need a different professional or some time with a counselor to share some empowerment techniques. I realize it may be difficult to be proactive, but you need to be in your own corner to make progress. Just my $.02 worth.
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@lisalucier @pjss48 I wish I could offer some words of wisdom but unfortunately, I cannot. I rarely worry about past events, or at least not to a great extent. My worries tend more toward future events. I try to take my mind off of it, but having ADD it tends to go back to whatever it is that concerns me.
JK
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3 ReactionsHi Brit,
I too worry, and it seems constant. I find my self stuck in the past over divorce and how my depression and anxiety seemed a little easier to deal with in some ways. Now I am feeling a healthy relationship is not possible. Concern over getting older (60) and alone is a worry. But I have to say that depression and anxiety run in my family on both sides, I have the same diagnosis as my dad and sister, bipolar. My depression, worry and anxiety go back as early as 9- 10 years old. I think my depression is what causes the
ruminating and anxiety. I think the irritability is the worst symptom. Sometimes it has been hard for me to tell if it’s the situation that s making me depressed, obsessive and anxious or if it’s my disorder that makes the situations of life more difficult to deal with. Does anyone else deal with these issues?
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Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsI have depression and anxiety especially because of my health conditions. I went to a therapy program DBT and it really helped. The past can he hard to let go but try to be present and practice gratitude.
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Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsWhat is DBT? Where do you go to receive the help?
Dialectical behavior therapy was developed by Marsha Linehan. Do you have a counselor. Watch Marsha Linehan videis in YouTube. You can Google DBT groups in your area.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsAfter trying several SSRI medications with extremely awful side effects I asked my Dr about CBD oil. He agreed it might be worth a try. It turns down the volume on my anxiety and has helped me stop the "what if " cycle. Using a very small dose and it doesn't make you feel medicated or high. It may be worth discussing with your health care provider. I did a lot of research before starting and only buy from reputable companies, no ebay or amazon. Might be an option.
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Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsYes,
I do have a
Counselor and will ask her about it and Google. Thanks so much for your help!
Thanks for this good post on worry, @merpreb. I agree especially with the comment about needing to determine worry is destructive. That's essentially what my husband kindly impresses on me when I worry: that it's non-productive and not helpful.
The cognitive behavioral therapy process I learned is essentially what is outlined in the steps here: https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cognitive-behavioral-therapy/about/pac-20384610.
Journaling your repetitive thoughts for a couple of days or a week is pretty instructive, I've found. The patterns tell you a lot. Countering I've done is essentially looking at how realistic or accurate my thoughts are. Often, if quite worried or nervous, I am looking at the worst case, most doomsday scenario exclusively or almost so. Then I need to question the reality or chance the thing I was worrying about might actually happen.
In my scenario where I thought I might be in for a $2000 hardwood floor refinishing job since we had a lot of water in a 12x12-inch puddle that had sat on our bedroom floor for a number of hours from a humidifier gone wrong, I'd ask myself what the percentage chance the floor might be ruined and need a refinishing job would realistically be. 40 percent? I'd then reframe my thoughts and whenever I thought about my floor, I'd remind myself to think about that there is a 60 percent chance our floor will be fine and dry up without ruining the floor.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsYour post mirrors my life! I am concerned about aging and loneliness. And depression and anxiety are on both sides of the family. I’m not sure if depression, which I’ve had since 1992, causes the anxiety but usually when 1 is bad, the other is good. Right now, I am battling chronic worry. Tools learned are not helping right now. I think it’s time for chemical intervention. I will also reread some books I have (David Burns’s book is one). It somehow feels good to know I’m not the only one!......Karen
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsNo reason to be embarrassed. The psychiatrist is working for you. If you are not comfortable sharing that something didn’t work, you need a different professional or some time with a counselor to share some empowerment techniques. I realize it may be difficult to be proactive, but you need to be in your own corner to make progress. Just my $.02 worth.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 Reactions