1. < Just Want to Talk

How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

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lioness | @lioness | Feb 21, 2020
In reply to @2011panc "Two days ago my teacher asked what our favorite animal is. I told her mine was..." + (show)
@2011panc

Two days ago my teacher asked what our favorite animal is. I told her mine was fried chicken. She said I wasn't funny. I wasn't trying to be funny and I don't know why she said that; because everyone laughed. And fried chicken really is my favorite. Anyway, she sent me to the principal's office. I don't know why, my parent's always told me to tell the truth. The principal asked me what happened and I told him. He laughed too, but told me not to do it again. I was getting confused about being honest and not telling the teacher my favorite animal.
Yesterday my teacher asked what our favorite LIVE animal is. I told her chicken. Then she asked why and I said because it could be made into fried chicken. Again, everyone laughed but she said I still wasn't funny and sent be back to the principal's office. It was a repeat of the day before. I left the principal's office even more confused about how to tell the truth but not say certain things.
Today my teacher asked us who our favorite military leader is. I said Colonel Sanders. Guess where I am now?

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@2011panc Love it I think I told you we have a talent show after thanksgiving so am collecting jokes and puns from people on here I will insert that one for sure . Thanks

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2011panc | @2011panc | Feb 28, 2020

A minister, a priest and a rabbit went fishing. The rabbit said, "I think I might be a typo."

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2011panc | @2011panc | Feb 28, 2020

A cowboy walked into a crowded bar, drew his pistol, shot it into the ceiling, threw it up in the air, caught it above his head and jammed it back into his holster with a flourish to announce his arrival. The bar became quiet and he announced that he had tied his horse up outside and it had better be there when he was ready to leave or he would have to do what he did in Texas. With promises of no interference from the crowd he moseyed up to the bar and got his drink. The bartender leaned in and whispered, "What happened in Texas?"
Leaning closer and whispering even more quietly the cowboy whispered back, "I walked home."

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2011panc | @2011panc | Mar 13, 2020

An old grizzled cowboy showed up at the Pearly Gates and met St. Peter.

St. Peter asked the cowboy if he had ever done anything of particular merit.

The cowboy responded that once, on a trip through the rocky mountains he drove up on a gang of muscle-bound and highly tattooed young bikers hassling a young woman. He stopped his truck, got out, and told the young men to leave the lady alone. They did not listen. So, he said, "I headed for the largest and most tattooed of the bunch and slapped him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground." Then yelled at them to back off and leave the area or I would knock the bejeezus outa alla 'em!

St, Peter was impressed and asked when this event had occurred.

"Coupla minutes ago!"

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Leonard | @jakedduck1 | Apr 9, 2020

I think the next time I go to a restaurant once they open I’m going to use this on the hostess and see how she reacts.

I hate it when I go to a restaurant and they ask

”would you like a table”

” No I want the floor”

Jake

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1 reply
Leonard | @jakedduck1 | Apr 9, 2020

A bill collector called me
I coughed and he hung up.

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1 reply
imallears | @imallears | Apr 9, 2020
In reply to @jakedduck1 "A bill collector called me I coughed and he hung up." + (show)
@jakedduck1

A bill collector called me
I coughed and he hung up.

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AD in newspaper
SINGLE MAN WITH PURELL AND LYSOL
LOOKING FOR SINGLE WOMAN WITH TOILET PAPER FOR SOME GOOD CLEAN FUN

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3 replies
Leonard | @jakedduck1 | Apr 9, 2020

A loud pounding on the door awakened a man and his wife at 3:00 am. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3 am in the morning and it's bloody pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too, you know." The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. I love this part ...... "Over here on the swing!" replied the drunk.

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