How about a laugh, (hopefully)

What did the snowman say to the scarecrow? I may have a shorter lifespan, but I won't have to go into the kitchen and sweep the floor with my backbone!

Did you ever see a catfish? Did he use a reel or a spinner?

A man down on his luck found an old dirty lamp/ He was well aware of the story of the lamp and the genie, but was afraid to try to use the lamp for a wish. He wandered into a pub and put the lamp on the bar. He asked the bartender how many drinks he could get in exchange for the lamp, since that was all he had but he was afraid to use it because of his bad luck. The bartender told him that in that case he should ask the lamp for advice and walked away. Suddenly the street outside was filled with quacking and the flapping of millions of wings and the pub began filling up with ducks. Among the cacophony the bartender returned to the lamp man and asked if he was responsible for the melee. The man replied, "I suppose so. I told you I was nothing but bad luck."
The bartender asked, "How so?"
To which the man replied, "you don't really think I asked for a million DUCKS, do you!?"

Once upon a time in a coren foundry and far away there lived a King who decided it was high time that his son get married, so he had a message sent to all his lands that a formal ball would be held to choose his son's bride. All eligible females in the realm were invited.
It so happens that in the same land lived a small ragtag girl named Rendercilla, who was treated badly by her mad step-other and two sad blisters. They made her wear their old and torn clothes (rags really), work hard on the grounds and in the castle, and serve them as a maid. Furthermore they made her sleep by the fireplace in the kitchen, where she always got covered in ashes from the fire. She made friends of the mice, cats and dogs of the castle.
When the invitation came for the King's ball the castle turned into a beehive of energy and activity. New ball gowns were made for the sad blisters and mad step-other while they twittered and tittered about the lace and jewels they would use to embellish their gowns. Rendercilla was kept running all day and given instructions and work to last all night. The only way she got everything done was with the help of her pet friends. Day after day, along with all her usual duties the girl kept up with all demands, hoping against hope that she would be able to make a dress for herself and go along to the ball to watch the festivities from a quiet corner.
Even with all her work, Rendercilla and her friends were able to put together a very nice dress for her out of the discards of her mad step-other and two sad blisters. One the day of the ball Rendercilla helped everyone else get ready and then ran quickly to the attic to don her dress made of odds and ends. When she came back down she was more stunning than anyone else in the room and was immediately set upon by her sad step-other and two sad blisters. They tore her dress apart, claiming every bit of lace and ribbon and every sequin and jewel they had previously discarded. They sent her to the kitchen to scrub the floor so that it would sparkle. If it did not sparkle she would be punished. Then the entered their carriage and left for the ball.
Rendercilla went out to the garden and fell down next to a bush where she often rested when working outside. She cried in hurt and dismay at being so horribly treated. Soon she heard a soothing voice and felt a calming hand smoothing her hair. "Be still, child," the voice said.
"Who are you and what do you want?" asked Rendercilla. "I am your Gairy Fodmother," replied the kindly old woman with sparkly eyes. "Tell me what has happened to disturb you so."
Rendercilla spillout all her feelings, hurts, and disappointments over her living conditions, bad treatment and not being able to go to the ball.
"Fear not," replied her Gairy Fodmother, and gathered a shimmery cloud for a dress, which she decorated with grapes she turned into rubies and new vines of Honeysuckle. When she was done Rendercilla looked wonderful and her Gairy Fodmother sent her off to the ball.
When she arrived at the ball Rendercilla became the focus of everyone. The med admired her and wanted to dance with her; while the women were envious of her beauty and charm. As fortune would have it, the Prancum HInce was most taken with Rendercilla and monopolized her time the entire evening.
As they were dancing the last dance the clock began striking midnight and Rendercilla suddenly remembered her Gairy Fodmother's admonition to leave before the clock struck the end of the midnight hour. Rendercilla suddenly broke away from the Prancum Hince and ran out of the castle. As she ran the finery her Gairy Fodmother had dressed her in fell away and she arrived home in her usual rags. The Prancum Hince followed her but could not find her. The only person he saw was a servant girl sitting under a bush outside a run-down castle.
The second night after Rendercilla was left home alone her Gairy Fodmother again showed up and this time dressed her with the stars from the sky, diamonds from dewdrops, and opals from moonshine. As the night before, the Prancum Hince was enchanted with Rendercilla and spent the evening dancing with her, and as before, Rendercilla ran off when the clock began striking midnight. Again Rendercilla's finery fell off as she ran and she ended up in her rags sitting near her resting bush. And, as before. the Prancum Hince ran after her to find only the raggedly dressed girl next to the bush near the ragtag castle.
The third night followed the same with Rendercilla dressed in gold and wearing golden jewels. This night she had crystal slippers which glinted with the gold of her dress and lights of the ballroom. And again Rendercilla ran and the Prancum Hince chased, all no avail except -- Rendercilla had slopped her dripper on the castle steps.
Obviously. the Prancum Hince searched the realm for his dancing beauty but could not find her. Finally he stopped at the ragtag castle in desperation and was met at the door by very excited and happy mad step-other and two sad blisters. After trying their best to get their huge feet into the slopped dripper the Prancum Hince was about to leave when he noticed the girl he had seen sitting in rags next to the bush outside. He asked her if she wanted to try on the slopped dripper. The mad step-other and two sad blisters scoffed and made fun of the idea of Rendercilla putting on the slopped dripper, but she did and was suddenly transformed into the very clothing she had worn on the last night of the ball.
Rendercilla rode off with the Prancum Hince while her mad step-other and two sad blisters wailed and wrung their hands at their bad fortune.

The moral of this story is that if you are ever in a coren fountry and land far away;
and you go to a Brancy Fall;
and meet a Prancum Hince;
don't forget to slop your dripper.

@2011panc

Oh, that’s filariousy hunny!

FL Mary

@2011panc
Jeez 2011 this is a joke thread not an IQ test, which by the way I would flunk miserably. However for those with more intelligence than myself, which would include the remainder of the whole human race, I thank you for your contribution.
By the way do you happen to know any little kid jokes, I hate to have to think in order to laugh.
Jake

When Aunt Gertrude got older she often complained about the Ritus brothers. They were both no-good, low-down scoundrels in her book. But she could never decide who was the worst, she continued to waver between Arthur and Osto unto the day she died.

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Who
Who Who?
An owl!

@2011panc
Thank you, a joke I can understand👍!!!!
Jake

Timmy, Jimmy and John were admiring and discussing the toys in the department store window.
Timmy said, "I want a cap gun, the pistol and holster, so that when my little sister bugs me I can shoot her and make her cry. But Mom's been hinting around that I should want a Radio Flyer. I'm sure it's because she wants me to haul things around for her and help her in the garden and yard. Phooey, what kind of toy is useful and makes you work!?"
Jimmy said, "I want the rifle cap gun. How much fun would that be having gunfights and going hunting!? But I think my Mom wants me to want Lincoln Logs so I can build things for my little brother and entertain him while she reads a magazine and has coffee. Who would ask for a toy to use to entertain someone else!? That's just plain dumb!"
John was quiet for a very long time, but finally said, "Well, I want the Magic Set. It has everything in it; a hat, wand, and all kinds of stuff. Pluss, I could make my little brother and sister disappear and myself invisible. That way I could do anything I want at any time!"