Holiday Feelings: Are They Merry or Stressful?

@elwoodsdad Take time to be gentle on yourself, both you and your wife. Gentle deep breaths are good. Perhaps some music that pleases you? Journaling has been a great thing for me, too, and I found that reviewing not only words written but the actual writing was insightful! [I took forensic graphology courses to interpret other's writing and ended up analyzing my own lol] we're here for, and look forward to your progress, if you care to share.
Ginger

@gingerw I never heard of forensic graphology I use to do journaling but haven't lately maybe I,ll start again putting words on paper helps I know

@elwooodsdad hi! I just had to write when you mentioned trintellix. I’ve been taking it since May. It keeps a floor under me so that I don’t drop downward. Hope you know what I mean. when did you start it? I believe it’s brand new as my other docs haven’t heard of it. It’s nice to meet a fellow trintellix user!

@gingerw Hi Ginger, I’m having a hard time. All these physical issues, plus changing doctors, plus I don’t know where I’ll be living in the spring. My brother and I moved here and he’s having trouble landing a full time job- he’s got a part time one. We won’t be able to stay here much longer and I don’t know what we’ll do. I’m on disability and he supports me. I’m a mess emotionally. I know I’m strong, but this is too much even for me!

@elwooodsdad- Last year and the year before I felt very similar. And like you I got fed up with it. I was recovering from yet another lung cancer and I had PTSD. I also realized that I had to do something to stop it-I didn't want to die, even if I no longer wanted to continue to feel like I did. I started writing, then I started a blog and now I'm on here as a mentor. Elwood I think there comes a time when we have to just grab the lion by its .... and say, I've has enough. And then do something about it. We have to fight! I think that somehow depression makes us feel a loss of power over our lives and how we live it so we have to somehow take some power back..we have to make decisions--how can we live better..etc.
I know that problems follow us wherever we go but have you considered going away for the the holidays? Make new memories, be distracted, make new friends and see new places?
Have you talked to your doctor about maybe changing up your medications for dysthymia? I had to add Wellbutrin to my Zoloft and I also started to take CBD oil when I get especially upset. It took a while for my pcp to figure out my doses but when it all came together it was a huge relief.
Also I suggest that you and your wife buy gifts for each other. Put up a wreath on your door. The holidays aren't for "needs" but for the extras that we don't usually buy like a special book, or print or something for a hobby. It really doesn't matter what these gifts are- just showing appreciation and love, a thank you for all that you do.
I hope that you will see some changes ahead. Depression can be so debilitating, I know it sucks. I see a glimmer of hopefulness in what you wrote- that you refuse to go through this again. It really isn't a conundrum, it's an illness and not wanting to continue feeling like you do, use this to look for something brighter, take back that power!

@karen00 I hope this morning you saw the sunrise, and realize each day can be a new start to health. As I read the post from @merpreb, there was a lot of wisdom to draw from. @elwoodsdad and @lioness, like you the general season is not a positive for me. A combination of short day/long night, commercialism, the frenetic family issues, all seem to underscore my [already present] depression. Lots of deep breaths, and finding what works for me at that moment, being gentle on myself, knowing it's okay to say "no", writing, crafting are all working. Keeping my hands busy to ward off grabbing food to stuff feelings down. Not knowing what the near future may hold can be so scary, Karen, and being honest with your brother will help. I'll wager he is feeling upset, also.
Ginger

Excellent advice @gingerw- And thank you for your compliment

Many thanks. Just a down time. Writing should be a good outlet, and i’m Looking forward to it.

@Elwwodsdad- It is for a lot of people. Memories come back and just slap us on the back- some with blemishes, others with beauty marks. I use to have a huge family and it's now down to just a few. I miss everyone so much, but I also relish being with the ones I have now. Maybe do something special with your nephews!

Thanks Ginger this is a bad time for me but I got through yesterday and am alive so yea. I did can some beets which was a release I guess you say ,best not to let those dark moments take over your life ,do anything that helps.