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Hello, @jmel and @fara67 - I'd like to add my welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I am married, as well, and cannot begin to imagine the loss and extreme grief of losing my husband. I'm terribly sorry for your loss.
@trider7140, glad you determined how to post here in this discussion on the journey of grieving. That sounds extremely hard to lose your mom, and so suddenly. A friend of mine lost her dad this month, with chest pains rapidly evolving into a fatal heart attack, and I know she is struggling to feel like it's really real.
@psearby17 - what a young age to pass away from cancer, at 21. My condolences. So very hard to feel as though you've also lost your daughter, with no communication from her.
What I'm wondering, amidst the grieving and processing of these very difficult losses, @jmel @fara67 @trider7140 @psearby17, is there any one thing that has helped you at all - brought you any comfort or relief - that you might share to benefit others here?
Replies to "Hello, @jmel and @fara67 - I'd like to add my welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I..."
I have a co worker who had lost her husband 3 years ago. She encouraged me to journal my thoughts. At first it was just writing down my deepest thoughts, concerns, etc. Then it became letters to my husband. I have journaled almost every day since his diagnosis in Sept and then his death that same month. It brings me peace to write "letters" to him telling him how I am feeling, how I miss him, and the normal every day things we used to talk about. I also found it helpful to talk about him with a close friend who understands my need to share memories of him. I also made sure NOT to isolate myself. For me personally, I need to be with other people. Hope these ideas can help others
I wish I could say there was something that helps but nothing really does. That is not to say that well meaning friends don't; it's just that there is no escaping the overwhelming sense of sadness and emptiness never ever leaves. I have to force myself to do even the most mundane things at home each day in a home that was filled with love when he was here but now empty. I force myself to occasionally do something with a friend but there is literally no escape every moment. I cannot see a future where I used to love to plan. I struggle to find and hint of joy in anything. I try to put on a good face for our 2 young adult children who live with me when they are around but otherwise I cannot think of anything else but my love. If it were not for our kids, I do not think I could go on at all.
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Thank you for your kind words Lisa. They do help. Staying connected with people helps in the grieving process. I'm also looking for a support group to help me. The memorial for my great niece and the comments made by her classmates and all those that loved her helped. Talking with my brother and sister-in-law who were her grandparents helped. But I think the biggest help is time. I had a very hard time with her death and it really got me down. And then we had the holidays without her. I really am looking for some coping tools to help. Crying helps too and there were times when I'd cry anywhere, in my car, in the supermarket, at my hairdressers. It would just come on. Talking really helps to but not many people I know want to talk about the death of a loved one. It's hard. Thank you for your kindness.