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I understand. I know how you feel right now. These feelings won't last. However you must work your way through them so you can look back and realize that you were depressed.
I still want your commitment that you won't harm yourself as I didn't see it in your post. Please call your therapist/psychologist as soon as possible to talk about how you are feeling. Sometimes your medicine can be the cause of your feelings, so also call your psychiatrist who can make changes to your prescriptions.
Last, let go of things your X is doing. It has no bearing on who you are. Your posts let me know that you are a strong woman who can handle things in your life. What he does and who he is has nothing to do with you. You can hold your head up and feel good that you have survived the last 10 years of changes. Talk to your kids and let them know that you don't want them to tell you what their father is doing. I had to pretend my X was dead in order to let go of my feelings of inadequacy around him.
Please keep in touch with me. If I was with you, I would give you a long hug and let you cry on my shoulder. You deserve to be happy dear woman.
Replies to "@amberpep I understand. I know how you feel right now. These feelings won't last. However you..."
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Hi Gail .... we've been divorced for 12 years, and I was doing really well in MD, but the move here, so close to where he lives was a huge mistake and totally upset the applecart for me. I see a new Psychiatrist Thursday and I'm sure for the first visit it will be 45 min. at least, and then next Monday I see my therapist in MD (yes, I still drive up 2x a month), whom I've been seeing for 12 years and has walked with me through all kinds of things. If I were still in MD I'd have no clue what he was doing, but down here, he's bound to come up in conversations my kids have with one another. I mentioned in another post that I talked with my Priest tonight after Vespers and that helped a lot. Apparently there's a lot of "bleeding folks" there.