~ sadness ~

Content ... thanks for your encouragement. Yes, I know my girls enjoy having me here, but truthfully if I'd have thought more carefully about their Dad being so close, I would not have come. I'm 73, and in the years I have left, I want to enjoy them, not wonder all the time what is he doing, who is he seeing? And the worst part is that all my kids have met her, so this is more than just a now and then date. I shouldn't care! And I know that, but after 40 years and everything we went through with sick parents, vacations, raising out kids ..... it does hurt. I went to church tonight and before the service I spoke with my Priest (I'm Orthodox), and he was very helpful.
abby

Hi Karen ... thank you so much for caring. I'm OK right now, but everytime I drive over I-64 and over the mountains, I think. There was a time, when in the midst of the horrors of the divorce that I did have a plan ..... going over one of the Blue Ridge Mtns., take my seatbelt off, gun it and go right over the guard rail down about 4,000 ft. That would be at night so no one would have found me very quickly. I'm not to that point yet, but I just wish my MD support system were here, but they're not.
abby

I know my girls wanted me here, but they have lives and families too. One of them works full time, and now that the other one's 2 children are in middle school, she's going back to work. So, I really can't depend on them and I don't want to be a drain on them. They're plenty busy now. I know how it is when I only had 1 left at home (my son in 10th grade at the time), and I was working ..... it's tough and there's never enough time to get everything done. I can't do that to them and add to their loads.
abby

Hi Gail .... we've been divorced for 12 years, and I was doing really well in MD, but the move here, so close to where he lives was a huge mistake and totally upset the applecart for me. I see a new Psychiatrist Thursday and I'm sure for the first visit it will be 45 min. at least, and then next Monday I see my therapist in MD (yes, I still drive up 2x a month), whom I've been seeing for 12 years and has walked with me through all kinds of things. If I were still in MD I'd have no clue what he was doing, but down here, he's bound to come up in conversations my kids have with one another. I mentioned in another post that I talked with my Priest tonight after Vespers and that helped a lot. Apparently there's a lot of "bleeding folks" there.

Hello @amberpep

I'm glad to hear that you were able to talk with your priest. The more people you can share your burdens with the better! Keep on keeping on and we will be here for you.

@amberpep

Your desire to not burden your girls too much is very kind of you, Abby. I hope you have a good day.

@amberpep Hi! I’m checking on you today. I just lost my psychiatrist of 25 years yesterday. Seems we’re in this together. Your note worried me. Please talk to your priest again. Now! I think what you’re having is called suicide ideation. I want you to be safe! Tell me what you are doing today?......Karen

@amberpep Don't think of it as depending on them, but enjoying spending time together. We are leaving to visit our son next week, 2000 miles away. He bought a house and keeps stressing to me that he hopes we will come for extended visits. He and his girlfriend both work of course, so our days would be free, but we could enjoy them when they are available. No commitment necessary on how much time we expect from them. Your daughters and grandchildren are close enough to enjoy them like that when you are free and so are they. Take advantage of that. I wish either of mine was so close.
JK

Hi, @amberpep - just wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing?

@amberpep

Just wanted to stop in and say hello as well, Abby. Just wondering, have you had any change in meds that might account for the low mood? I hope you are having a better day.