I'm afraid. Afraid of my wife's upcoming CART-T treatment and my mental ability to continue as her caregiver. We've been married 57 years, and life has been wonderful --until May, 2019. That's when we got the diffuse large B-cell non-Hodgkin's diagnosis at Mayo Rochester. After six rounds of R-CHOP, things looked promising-- except for one sub-centimeter apparent spot. 21 day wait, then another PET scan. The NHL had "exploded" and was almost back to it's original diffusion. On to R-ICE. 3 rounds. Still there. Then another 3 rounds of something else with a name that takes up about half the dictionary. The plan was that round would knock the lymphoma down enough that she'd have a stem cell transplant. In getting ready for the transplant, she passed all the tests. But the lymphoma was still strong so the only decision was to do CAR-T. To keep the lymphoma in check before the start of CAR-T in two weeks, she went through another 3 rounds of another chemo. It's absolutely amazing how she's taken all of this, both physically and mentally. She's excited for the CAR-T to get underway, and so am I. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid of it not working and losing her. I'm afraid of what she'll have to go through. I'm afraid of my ability to stay strong for her as she goes through the side effects. As a caregiver, I'm worn out. Frankly, it's been a tough 11 months. I find it difficult to keep smiling and appearing to be happy while doing everything that needs to be done in this situation. I feel trapped in the house with no where to go except to Mayo 3-4 days a week. Food has no attraction to her, so going out is not a real possibility. Please let me know how those of you who "have been there, done that" made it through this tough time. (and we moved to a home in the country outside a small town a few years ago, so it has been difficult to break into the established relationships -- and my two closest friends need help too--- one just had a double kidney transplant and the other is fighting cancer.)