12/4/18 re: 11/29/18 It has been a very tough week ! Temporary, situational, meds stalled his BM's.

Once I remembered the meds' impact here, I informed him of it and presented corrective action at the same time. Before I knew it, his instant on rebellion, dismissal, of my input flourished into yelling. This so severely hit my button ... and they're off into an argument on this. It evolved my stance to express frustrations, anger, regarding his position, behavior, of an absence of any sort of personal respect demonstrated toward me.

I asked my wife, his daughter, to join us. She leaned on the door frame and I don’t believe she spoke at all and very, very, little on this since. Note, this is normal for her as if the acorn doesn’t fall from the tree.

I expressed to him my self-loathing, guilt, over losing my cool, venting, that day. I added that it will take me a week to get over this. I had, have, unwanted and ongoing, active, intrusive, mental replays, videos, and/or creations of new scenes. This still operates for me. A week may not be enough, ... Thy will be done ! This 30 - 60:00 minutes has such an ongoing hangover.

Prayer has helped me to return to the provision of care from a stance of dignity and respect toward him. This comes from a place greater than me. The words that come out of my mouth, my approach to care giving surprises me, catches me off guard, in a positive manner. This is surprising and welcomed by me. However, the ongoing mental attacks, battles, pop up regularly. I use prayer, Thought Stopping, Cognitive Restructuring, and distraction to derail these mental battles, with success. I wish I wouldn’t have to call upon these strategies, multiple times a day, to move through the battles, working to maximize creating a good day for me. I do this daily, wash, rinse, repeat ………

PS I have been told my writing is Faulknarian, Faulkner. Apparently he was gifted with run on sentences.