I guess what is surprising is that I let my kids and brother and sisters know what is going on with me usually by email. After I do that, I don't hear anything. Nothing. No response to the email, no phone call to check on me or to offer support. I know I am strong and haven't asked for help often but some empathy would be nice or concern. I know that they love and care about me but it sure doesn't show. For one doctor's appointment, I took a cab even with both daughter's in town. To be fair, I didn't ask them to drive me. Just stubborn I guess. If something major happens, I don't know if they will be there.
@hodagwi I used to be like you, never asking and thinking that hey should know what to do. Then I learned that I need to say what I want and need out loud. I thought that was a great lesson to learn. The harder second part of that lesson was that just because I asked did not mean I would get what I want or need. Unfortunately for you, you do not have a clear conscious about being abandoned by our family because you have not done your part of communicating your needs and wants. Maybe it is easier not to ask, but it is not their fault that they do not know your expectations. Just remember, just because they know does not mean they will change their behavior -- but it might.
@hodagwi I used to be like you, never asking and thinking that hey should know what to do. Then I learned that I need to say what I want and need out loud. I thought that was a great lesson to learn. The harder second part of that lesson was that just because I asked did not mean I would get what I want or need. Unfortunately for you, you do not have a clear conscious about being abandoned by our family because you have not done your part of communicating your needs and wants. Maybe it is easier not to ask, but it is not their fault that they do not know your expectations. Just remember, just because they know does not mean they will change their behavior -- but it might.
@oregongirl I am not a Mom. My lack of support comes from my siblings. My mother "didn't get" my illnesses, either, but at this point I forgive her that, as she had her own mental demons to battle, along with dementia and Alzheimer's. She told me I was making things up so people would feel sorry for me. Not my agenda at all: I wanted certain people to be aware of my situation in case something happened.
@gingerw, Oh my goodness. My son told my other two children that I was making things up to get sympathy. Can you believe it? Don't I wish I could afford to travel the world and be gone all the time until I die. I do not wish to interfere in their lives. There comes a time in a persons life that I believe we have lived out our usefulness to the family. Oh they still love us, but please mom, we are SO busy with work. Now, my daily prayer as I have said before is Please God, don't let me linger.
@gingerw, Oh my goodness. My son told my other two children that I was making things up to get sympathy. Can you believe it? Don't I wish I could afford to travel the world and be gone all the time until I die. I do not wish to interfere in their lives. There comes a time in a persons life that I believe we have lived out our usefulness to the family. Oh they still love us, but please mom, we are SO busy with work. Now, my daily prayer as I have said before is Please God, don't let me linger.
I am so sorry to read this @oregongirl It reminds me of a time when a family member asked me 'how is your caregiving going?' I told him what the prior day had been like and heard from the rest of the family that I was 'whining to get attention'.
I wonder now how prevalent this response is when we simply answer a question on our health or our caregiving duties!
@gingerw, Oh my goodness. My son told my other two children that I was making things up to get sympathy. Can you believe it? Don't I wish I could afford to travel the world and be gone all the time until I die. I do not wish to interfere in their lives. There comes a time in a persons life that I believe we have lived out our usefulness to the family. Oh they still love us, but please mom, we are SO busy with work. Now, my daily prayer as I have said before is Please God, don't let me linger.
We have taken many cruises. For about $3000 a month could live aboard a cruise ship. Meals taken care of. Cabin cleaned daily. Chance to see the world. Entertainment. Limited health care though and cheaper than a nursing home. haha. I agree. We all are going to die but the process of dying is scary. Don't let me linger either. Have 4 kids and 4 grandkids and lucky to see them in an evening with grandkids working, volleyball, being at their dads, not living close, evening meetings, etc, etc, etc. Time to make a life for us, me and you, without planning it around the kids.
Amen...I am going to make it a point to do things I want to do. Sleep in till 10, stay up late and watch movies. Go for hikes. Library. Reading, my painting and a gin and tonic every night. Entertain those I wish to and avoid those I wish. It
We all need love. Love ourselves and love from others. Love the person that you are and the rest should fall into place. Love others whether they love you back or not. It is the act of loving that helps us feel alive. If love comes back to us, all the better. Know that the loving person that you are, is to be appreciated and important and desired and wanted.
Amen...I am going to make it a point to do things I want to do. Sleep in till 10, stay up late and watch movies. Go for hikes. Library. Reading, my painting and a gin and tonic every night. Entertain those I wish to and avoid those I wish. It
Amen to that, Texas Freedom. This illness has taught me how important all you have listed are. and when you mention, "avoiding those I wish", that has never been so important; to protect my health, sanity, and peace. I enjoy a glass of wine nightly
I am so sorry to read this @oregongirl It reminds me of a time when a family member asked me 'how is your caregiving going?' I told him what the prior day had been like and heard from the rest of the family that I was 'whining to get attention'.
I wonder now how prevalent this response is when we simply answer a question on our health or our caregiving duties!
It is hard to believe how insensitive people can be. I'm so sorry that you have both experienced criticism when you are/were trying to be so caring for someone else.
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@hodagwi I used to be like you, never asking and thinking that hey should know what to do. Then I learned that I need to say what I want and need out loud. I thought that was a great lesson to learn. The harder second part of that lesson was that just because I asked did not mean I would get what I want or need. Unfortunately for you, you do not have a clear conscious about being abandoned by our family because you have not done your part of communicating your needs and wants. Maybe it is easier not to ask, but it is not their fault that they do not know your expectations. Just remember, just because they know does not mean they will change their behavior -- but it might.
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3 Reactions@2011panc
You make a good point. We do need to speak up when we have needs.
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2 Reactions@gingerw, Oh my goodness. My son told my other two children that I was making things up to get sympathy. Can you believe it? Don't I wish I could afford to travel the world and be gone all the time until I die. I do not wish to interfere in their lives. There comes a time in a persons life that I believe we have lived out our usefulness to the family. Oh they still love us, but please mom, we are SO busy with work. Now, my daily prayer as I have said before is Please God, don't let me linger.
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3 ReactionsI am so sorry to read this @oregongirl It reminds me of a time when a family member asked me 'how is your caregiving going?' I told him what the prior day had been like and heard from the rest of the family that I was 'whining to get attention'.
I wonder now how prevalent this response is when we simply answer a question on our health or our caregiving duties!
Strength, courage, and peace
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2 ReactionsWe have taken many cruises. For about $3000 a month could live aboard a cruise ship. Meals taken care of. Cabin cleaned daily. Chance to see the world. Entertainment. Limited health care though and cheaper than a nursing home. haha. I agree. We all are going to die but the process of dying is scary. Don't let me linger either. Have 4 kids and 4 grandkids and lucky to see them in an evening with grandkids working, volleyball, being at their dads, not living close, evening meetings, etc, etc, etc. Time to make a life for us, me and you, without planning it around the kids.
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2 ReactionsAmen...I am going to make it a point to do things I want to do. Sleep in till 10, stay up late and watch movies. Go for hikes. Library. Reading, my painting and a gin and tonic every night. Entertain those I wish to and avoid those I wish. It
We all need love. Love ourselves and love from others. Love the person that you are and the rest should fall into place. Love others whether they love you back or not. It is the act of loving that helps us feel alive. If love comes back to us, all the better. Know that the loving person that you are, is to be appreciated and important and desired and wanted.
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1 ReactionAmen to that, Texas Freedom. This illness has taught me how important all you have listed are. and when you mention, "avoiding those I wish", that has never been so important; to protect my health, sanity, and peace. I enjoy a glass of wine nightly
@suzmay I have a ring doorbell. I will take it with me to Independent living so I can see who is attempting to disturb my peace. LOL
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1 Reaction@IndianaScott and @oregongirl
It is hard to believe how insensitive people can be. I'm so sorry that you have both experienced criticism when you are/were trying to be so caring for someone else.
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