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chocolate5lover
@chocolate5lover

Posts: 33
Joined: Sep 09, 2018

No support at home!

Posted by @chocolate5lover, Sat, Sep 8 8:33pm

Does anyone else have trouble with–no help at home from family members?

Liked by ssbionicknee

REPLY

@chocolate5lover I see your a new member. Welcome to connect. And to answer your question. Yes. I think sometimes family members are aloof to each other. Often taking each other for granted. I don't think it is intentional it just happens. Family members so often get caught up in their own lives they forget to look around at each other. And in this day and age most are glued to their cell phones. Do you have any close friends you can seek support from?
Jackie

Liked by Parus, gingerw

@travelgirl

@chocolate5lover I see your a new member. Welcome to connect. And to answer your question. Yes. I think sometimes family members are aloof to each other. Often taking each other for granted. I don't think it is intentional it just happens. Family members so often get caught up in their own lives they forget to look around at each other. And in this day and age most are glued to their cell phones. Do you have any close friends you can seek support from?
Jackie

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Thank you! All I wanted was one person who understood what it is like. My 2 sisters were my support group, but both of them are going through their own problems right now and are not available. That is why I sought out this support group. In November I will have had type 2 diabetes for 6 years now. Thank you for your response, I needed to hear from someone who understands this disease.

@chocolate5lover I think I understand how you are feeling. In my family I am the "go to" person. You know, the one that plans, invites, preps, caters, etc. every event. What happens to me is that when the event happens one of the other siblings takes credit. That burns me up! They all agree to help, but when it comes down to it they "forget", are late or can't make it. So frustrating for me. I pray a lot!

Liked by Parus, suzmay

I find that family members understand that your not yourself however as time goes on and you've had a couple of surgerys to correct your problem, because some days when you feel half normal and attend a family function they say you look fine and assume that you are some say you need to get out more and you'll feel better and when you are the person in the family as with chocolate5lover, that does all the work ect and that suddenly stops but you don't look sick people don't understand that you still have days that you have to use all your energy just to get out of bed….I too pray a lot I've even brought my mothers to the dr.'s with me so she can understand my condition….I think they are in denial not wanting to face that their loved one really is sick or has a life altering condition so I try to pray for them as well….sorry for the long post but I hope it helps

@chocolate5lover welcome to this group. Here, we can find sympathetic voices, who are in or have been in the same place. Like others have commented, sometimes our own families see what they want, and cannot admit to someone close to them needing help. It might literally be "too close to home". My own family preferred to ignore things that needed to be addressed; eventually I had to learn to turn elsewhere for help. Now I cannot bring myself to open up to them, even simple daily pleasantries.
Ginger

Liked by Jamie Olson, Parus

@travelgirl

@chocolate5lover I see your a new member. Welcome to connect. And to answer your question. Yes. I think sometimes family members are aloof to each other. Often taking each other for granted. I don't think it is intentional it just happens. Family members so often get caught up in their own lives they forget to look around at each other. And in this day and age most are glued to their cell phones. Do you have any close friends you can seek support from?
Jackie

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This must be common. Anyone can be sick and seriously ill, but not MOM. I have heard it all and now live my life and see my doctors and no one gets a report. If I let them know anything, the ranting starts. Mom, you are stronger than all of us. Mom, those doctors don't know what they are doing. Mom I looked up that medicine and it has poison in it. Well, son, did you ever think I might have poison in me? I don't say that, but I am thinking it. I know they love me. I never did this to my mother. But then, I got along quite well without her most of the time. Maybe that is my problem. I never stopped doing everything for them. This is going to be a great intrusion into their lives So, I decided to move to Independent living. I won't need the kids for this and that. I am 76 and I realize it is a bit early to think Independent Living and not my home, BUT, I bet there are more moms behind me. Welcome to Freedom! NOW GROW UP

Liked by Parus

@gingerw

@chocolate5lover welcome to this group. Here, we can find sympathetic voices, who are in or have been in the same place. Like others have commented, sometimes our own families see what they want, and cannot admit to someone close to them needing help. It might literally be "too close to home". My own family preferred to ignore things that needed to be addressed; eventually I had to learn to turn elsewhere for help. Now I cannot bring myself to open up to them, even simple daily pleasantries.
Ginger

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Gingerw.. I totally understand. I cannot bring anything up anymore. When I took them to the doctor, the doctor was not as open as she is with me. I almost went into a coma because my kids did not believe me when I told them call 911 I am so sick. I cannot believe it but 911 even thought I was over-reacting when they saw how my kids handled the situation. I was put in an off the main area room in ER and this is where I almost went into a coma. I remember my son and his wife asking the nurse could she really go into a coma. Nurse: YES. I don't tell them anything anymore. I will be ready for burial and they will refuse to bury me. If you just had a cold or something, they listen. BUT don't you dare bring up a life threatening thing mom… This has been the hardest thing for me to mention to anyone. It sounds like they don't love me. They DO But, I am creating an inconvenience.

Liked by Parus

@oregongirl

Gingerw.. I totally understand. I cannot bring anything up anymore. When I took them to the doctor, the doctor was not as open as she is with me. I almost went into a coma because my kids did not believe me when I told them call 911 I am so sick. I cannot believe it but 911 even thought I was over-reacting when they saw how my kids handled the situation. I was put in an off the main area room in ER and this is where I almost went into a coma. I remember my son and his wife asking the nurse could she really go into a coma. Nurse: YES. I don't tell them anything anymore. I will be ready for burial and they will refuse to bury me. If you just had a cold or something, they listen. BUT don't you dare bring up a life threatening thing mom… This has been the hardest thing for me to mention to anyone. It sounds like they don't love me. They DO But, I am creating an inconvenience.

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@oregongirl I am not a Mom. My lack of support comes from my siblings. My mother "didn't get" my illnesses, either, but at this point I forgive her that, as she had her own mental demons to battle, along with dementia and Alzheimer's. She told me I was making things up so people would feel sorry for me. Not my agenda at all: I wanted certain people to be aware of my situation in case something happened.

Liked by Parus

@2011panc

@chocolate5lover I think I understand how you are feeling. In my family I am the "go to" person. You know, the one that plans, invites, preps, caters, etc. every event. What happens to me is that when the event happens one of the other siblings takes credit. That burns me up! They all agree to help, but when it comes down to it they "forget", are late or can't make it. So frustrating for me. I pray a lot!

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Thank you so much, I feel that I have found a home on this site. I too pray a lot!!!

Liked by 2011panc, Parus, gingerw

that is the beauty of this site we all pray for each other….God Bless us all

Hello @chocolate5lover I think a lot about this. I'm a cancer "survivor" on a Facebook group with others like me and people will often complain that their family doesn't "get it". Every case is different but I think in my case and others the family expects you to move on after the initial treatment but you can't move on and suddenly realise how lonely it is to have a chronic or life-threatening illness. The only people who really understand are those who have been through the same thing. I hope this makes sense. I have felt abandoned by my family before – not at this point no – but I know how you must feel.

Liked by Parus, gingerw

Can you sign up for living with diabetes class? I signed up for the class. It's once per week. I think its support and teaching all in one.

I wish that I could offer some comfort. I am very fortunate in that my wife and I are "Empty Nesters" and we both understand that the family gets sick, not just the individual.

I have out of control diabetes and my wife and I both have altered our lifestyles and eating habits which makes things much easier for me. Further, my wife is actively involved with my monitoring and asks every blood test time what my blood sugar is. She even calls me at work to ask.

It wasn't easy for us to jump onto the straight-and-narrow. It took a massive bilateral PE and a week of me in ICU to scare us both straight.

I like the classes idea. I suggested that to a high school teacher last eve that has concerns for one of her students. I suggested a "Home Ec" like setting using the magazine "Diabetes Forecast" as a teaching and study guide. Maybe the same sorts of groups could be assembled as social groups where diabetics or anyone else with any other health issues quorum together to fix meals, learn and socialize.

Liked by barbarn, gingerw

@mark_fugate

I wish that I could offer some comfort. I am very fortunate in that my wife and I are "Empty Nesters" and we both understand that the family gets sick, not just the individual.

I have out of control diabetes and my wife and I both have altered our lifestyles and eating habits which makes things much easier for me. Further, my wife is actively involved with my monitoring and asks every blood test time what my blood sugar is. She even calls me at work to ask.

It wasn't easy for us to jump onto the straight-and-narrow. It took a massive bilateral PE and a week of me in ICU to scare us both straight.

I like the classes idea. I suggested that to a high school teacher last eve that has concerns for one of her students. I suggested a "Home Ec" like setting using the magazine "Diabetes Forecast" as a teaching and study guide. Maybe the same sorts of groups could be assembled as social groups where diabetics or anyone else with any other health issues quorum together to fix meals, learn and socialize.

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@mark_fugate Thank you for sharing here. I also was a Type I diabetic unable to control my blood sugars until I received a pancreas transplant. May I ask what type diabetes you have, how long you have had the diagnosis and how you have been advised to manage it? I agree that a group or class for diabetics could have many benefits in a community, but I also see some possible dangers. With no medical input a sharing group can lead you astray with "alternate" recommendations; and if led by a medical expert sharing may be limited and the group may become more like a college lecture. A balance of the two would have been best for me and drawn me in. Hopefully you can follow through and help your community begin something like this not only for diabetics but also for their friends and family.
I feel I must admonish you and your wife a bit. Your diabetes is your responsibility. It is good your wife is interested, keeps up on your condition and needs, and assists with daily management;, but it sounds like she may have taken on the role of mother/warden in your life. You need to protect your marriage by taking the lead in taking responsibility for your disease. Be forever grateful for her love and support, and be glad that in a crisis she knows how to help you; but day to day she should not have to worry about your behavior while you are away from her. I am sorry to scold you like this, but please discuss this with your wife and hopefully build a better life together. Blessings.

Liked by barbarn, gingerw

I am a type 2 was diagnosed a few years ago. A pulmonary embolism is what sent everything crazy.

I fully understand that it is my responsibility. Things are much easier when the family gets involved. We actually make it a challenge because we both enjoy cooking and diabetes puts constraints and challenges on food preparation creativity

Liked by 2011panc, gingerw

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