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Personality Change of Kidney Transplant Patient
Caregivers | Last Active: Nov 21, 2023 | Replies (63)Comment receiving replies
My husband received a kidney April 2017, and his mood/personality changed almost immediately. We were required by the VA to stay in NY for 3 months to be near our VA transplant facility and I immediately noticed how angry, controlling, and indignant he became. It doesn’t help that he was already dealing with PTSD, which the docs attribute everything to. I don’t agree. I’m not the war. The kids aren’t the war. We are the ones he target most often. I genuinely believe that he gained more than a kidney and actually inherited personality traits from the donor. I believe in transferring energy/spirits and I think he got more than we bargained for. He was much more active and energetic before transplant..even while on dialysis for many years. He also seems entitled to ALL of my time and attention which is totally unfair. He’s 60..I’m 45....and my role has become caregiver instead of wife. Our intimate life ended 5 years ago, along with me enjoying all my interests and hobbies. He’s extremely jealous of the children now. He won’t pay bills anymore. He’s just generally unhappy. While we bear the brunt of it in the home, he lashes out at everyone he comes in contact with. I don’t know what to do as I am really afraid of what he may do and how I may react. He’s lost a considerable amount of weight going from 180 to 127 since transplant. He LOOKS ill and I think his self esteem and ego have been damaged because of it. I’ve been a good wife and even better caregiver..navigating transplant protocol along with the tangled web we call the VA. I’m just at my wits end, really contemplating filing a restraining order. I was relieved yet saddened to see the many people experiencing similar situations. I just wish they’d told us about this possible adverse reaction before transplant. Live on dialysis happy and loving or get a new kidney and become miserable, unhappy and mad at the world! I just don’t understand why no one hears me no matter how hard I scream HELP!!
Peace and Blessings to you all!!
Replies to "My husband received a kidney April 2017, and his mood/personality changed almost immediately. We were required..."
Hi @destmg96, I want to add my welcome as well. As you have read here, caregivers have noticed slight to dramatic changes in their partners after transplant. I also found this 2014 study
Psychopathological aspects of kidney transplantation: Efficacy of a multidisciplinary team https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4274596/
The study states:
"Transplantation can result in a psychosomatic crisis that requires the patient to mobilize all bio-psycho-social resources during the process of adaptation to the new foreign organ which may result in an alteration in self-representation and identity, with possible psychopathologic repercussions. ... the emotional experiences and the psychological and psychopathological complications related to organ donation and transplantation should not be underestimated. ... Transplanted patient re-employment and social and family reintegration requires psychotherapeutic support to implement new coping strategies."
In plain language, what you are witnessing in your husband is real. And what affects him, affects you and your family. The study also stresses the importance of getting help. You and your husband should not be expected to handle this on your own.
Is your husband willing to get counselling and seek therapy?
Like @rosemarya, I'm concerned for YOU. You mentioned that no one hears you when you cry for help. Have you told your husband's Transplant Social Worker about the situation at home? A social worker can work with you to get help first for you. I think you're at your wit's end, worn out and should start with taking care of you first and how you can keep yourself safe.
Hello @destmg96
I just read your post and feel concerned for you. The onset of a personality change is very difficult and can feel very dangerous when the change involves trying to control others or blaming others. This is the time you need to protect yourself and your children from continued emotional, verbal and/or physical abuse. These types of situations can have a long-lasting effect, especially on children.
I would encourage you to seek out a shelter that provides protection for domestic violence survivors until you can get a restraining order in place. If possible, you might consider bringing an attorney and law enforcement into this situation as well.
Please know that I care and want you to be safe!
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@destmg96, I want to say Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I am happy that you have posted your experience with caring for your husband. By way of introduction, I am a transplant recipient, and I have noticed minor changes in my reaction to situations, and my emotions are more sensitive than before. I don't know if that is a post transplant reaction due to side effects of the stress that I experienced during my failing health prior to my transplant, or to medications, or even a contrast to how poorly I felt before.
I don't understand why your husband feels this way.
I am concerned for what you have said about your call for HELP and no one hears you. Do you have someone,-friend, minister, social worker who you can go to for support and to talk about your needs?