@paradis I hope you will consider looking into assistance for yourself, either via a mental heath professional or counselor, to help you navigate your way through all this. My heart goes out to you.
Ginger

Hello @paradis

I am glad to hear that you have sought out resources to help you at this time. That is a very wise thing to do. It is also good to hear you say, "I have to protect myself and my child too." You are setting a good priority and that will perhaps speak to your husband's self-involvement at this time.

If you do decide to leave your husband, please remember to keep those resources of counseling, Connect and other supportive groups in place. You will need them as you move on.

I hope that Connect can support you in this decision-making process. In that light, I would like to invite @paus to this discussion. She might have some insights from her own experience to add. Will you continue to share with Connect as you move forward?

Wow paradis you hit the nail on the head. I experience much the same , a self centred. Rude screaming verbally abusive man. Everything is my fault and I’m the stupidest
most ignorant person he’s ever known. His language directed at me is vile. He has hysterical vicious outbursts of anger over the smallest things.
I just can’t stand it. Don’t deserve being treated like this ... and will soon file for divorce. This situation has gradually become worse and I don’t see it getting better. One day his anger will be directed at me physically ... it’s been too close for comfort. I’m getting out, while I’m still alive. I am terrified of his outbursts. He totally loses it!
I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. Yes, I’m leaving the ship before it goes down.
( yes I’ve tried everything, the church, Dr counseling. Now it’s time for the lawyer). This is s second rotten marriage. I’m done !
Thank you for listening. Amen!!

My daughter saw this post and asked if I had written it. This is the first place that I have found where the cold hard facts are presented. My husband had a liver transplant in 1998. Although he was (barely) able to continue working, his health problems were just beginning (heart attack, prostate cancer, diabetes, thyroid issues, gouty arthritis, infection, stroke, etc). If I dare complain, I am reminded that he has been through a lot. This is of course true but we have been along for the whole ride and it has pretty much destroyed our family. Six years ago he had a kidney transplant after the immunosuppressant drugs for the liver transplant destroyed his kidneys. Since then he has changed dramatically. He has gone from a glass half full person to someone for whom the glass no longer exists. Yes, he is on anti-depressants which he normally does not take. He's had therapy for years and refuses any more. I've wasted 4 years in therapy, both private and with NAMI (my group was useless). I've tried to talk to him one-on-one, tried to talk to him in therapy. If he doesn't want to engage, he will just refuse to speak. He won't test or treat his diabetes. I have to do it. I get all of his prescriptions, lay out all of his pills and he still will decide that the medication isn't important and won't take it. I manage everything in the house and coordinate his 14+ doctors. I have had to hide his car keys as his driving is atrocious. He too thinks that he is just fine. His activities are watching TV, reading, and interacting with his 20+ "dating" sites (no he doesn't go on dates but chats with purported women and I believe gets sent pictures). I have had to lock down my finances and separate myself from a joint credit card. I have spoken to a divorce lawyer because it is hard to be a caregiver and be so disrespected by your spouse at the same time. I have not been shy about how hurtful his behavior is to me. He promised to stop at one time and instead signed up for even more dating sites. He lies about it all the time. He refuses to believe that he is imperiling his own online security and finances. He has some kind of dementia as he often is convinced that he needs to go to work to solve some critical problem that only he has the expertise for, or that it is snowing in June, or that his brother left something outside for him, or that our son (deceased) has messed up his TV. He completely lacks empathy and gratitude. Never in this journey has he tried to thank the donor families, never mind the family who supports him. It's really hard to be totally honest about all of this because no sane person would put up with it. I would leave him if there was anyone else who would care for him and if our joint assets wouldn't get messed up because he would do nothing. I was both shocked and relieved to see the post about radical personality change after kidney transplant as that is exactly when the worst of his behavior began...just like a switch had been flipped. Thanks for letting me vent. It makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one.

I am going through the exact same thing right now. My husband had a kidney transplant very recently and I just don't know to make him happy. He is always very angry at me. I keep hoping it will get better, but it just doesn't. I give my everything and it just doesn't matter. He went into surgery my sweet loving happy funny guy, and came out someone I don't know. He is so angry. He yells at me for everything I try to do. He is not who i married anymore, and im scared that I will never see that wonderful person ever again. I want my husband back, I miss him. 😢