Adults On The Autism Spectrum

How nice that you are taking care of the cattery, @sirgalahad!

Bravo, @sirgalahad, for your kind attention to our furry brothers and sisters. I truly believe our feline and canine loved ones will meet us at the end of our time here on planet earth. I asked my Father when my first dog passed away if Shakey ( Short for Shakespeare, of course) would be in Heaven. He looked at me with a smile full of love and said, "Janie, if that's what it takes for you to be happy there, then yes, he will be there." Some of our animals have been as close to us as family. They are family. Bless you, Sir G. for your gentle and kind heart.

Mamacita

they cross the rain bow bridge are waiting for us when we cross yes I do believe that they do go to heaven

@sirgalahad , if only I could be half the person my dog thinks I am.

@ gingerw, @sirgalahad, TGIF!!! Why am I glad that it is Friday if I am retired and every day has an agenda of my own making? I really don't know, other than the fact that it can be overwhelming to think about all that needs to be done. And that, unless I assign chores, I will be the one to do it all? I come back to that balance thing again. A balance of work and play, no matter how old you are. What is normal? What is expected of me at this time in my life? What do I actually need to do, for health and happiness sake? I think I need another self care day.
Mamacita

Hello! I am a young adult. While I do have an ASD that is not Aspergers, I do question the origin of my ASD. When I was three years old, they did this test called the DPII and reported that my Social domain was an area of strength like engaging in eye contact with my mother, playing Pat-a-Cake, waving bye, and responding to my name when my mother calls me. But when I was one year old, I was delayed by 50% in Motor, Language, and Cognition Domains. Social and Communication domains was delayed only 25%. When I was eight years old, I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at 11 years old. My school district had me on an IEP but kept changing diagnosis from Mental retardation to Speech and Language Impairment to Specific Learning Disability and back to Speech and Language Impairment. I did suddenly changed schools in 3rd grade at 8 years, where I was unable to make any friends. I grew more depressed and isolated because of lack of friends and socialization on top of being placed into a Resource Room for my education 75% of the day. I don't know if my diagnoses that was changed to Autism caused by the environmental factors like moving into a new school or my premature birth at less than 500 grams. These days when I'm in my community college, I feel quite like an outsider. I feel like everyone in the class can socialize in a way that I felt have not "acquired" everyone else's style of communicating. I always get the thought in my head "Why on earth when others communicate I feel completely out of place?." Do you think the same way?

@justint95 Welcome here to our cyber table. No doubt there are others here who can relate to what you have written. Yes, I think the same way, and find interaction with some members of my family make it seem even more pronounced.
Ginger

Hi there, @justint95. Welcome to this gathering of those on the Spectrum. Many of us here have felt very similar feelings ourselves. Even today I find myself wanting to be sociable, yet not wanting to stray outside my comfort zone. If I had not lived on a hall at University filled with people who were already friends, I might never have made a friend my entire time there. I was too busy trying to learn what the professor was saying, frantically taking notes, and struggling to pick up on what was "normal" behavior so I could mask it all and fit in. That was my main issue with higher education.

With my first job, it was the same situation. Trying so hard to learn the language, the structure, and what was expected of me. It was overwhelming. I became pretty successful at what I was doing in my work. People liked me, and I felt that I had more than a few friends. Then we moved to another city and I had to learn the ways of my new job all over again. Except these co-workers were harder, tougher, and more difficult to understand. Fortunately for me, we had a wonderful family in our church home. They accepted me, quirks and all. Music was an entry way into the social life of the church. Really, the only social life I had at all. I played the piano for worship services and felt like I had arrived home.

Later on, I joined a sports club and became very active there. I had a few friends who were members of the gym, and one of the instructors became a good friend. We had a few neighbors that we were friendly with, but mostly it was church. I have ear plugs that I use when we go to a restaurant that is very loud. We limit our activities to no more then two biggies per day. We do self care and space out the day into three sections, the middle one being the time when I re-charge my batteries. I have learned that one must invest time into other people if we want to have and keep friends. If we can only venture out of our comfort zones once in awhile and test the waters with a special interest group, we may just find that it can be fun. Often we Spectrum dwellers worry too much about what we think other people are thinking. Most neurotypicals are pretty much concentrating on what they want out of life. They may notice us, may even like us. But if we are never up for an activity, or a cup of coffee, we might just miss out on a great friendship.

Welcome to the table. We are here to just sit with you and listen, if that is what you need. We tend to talk about a wide range of subjects. I was misdiagnosed for many years. Tests are great in helping to decide, perhaps, what one is not. My rule of thumb is to look at the possibilities, not the negativities. We are all different. But we have a lot of similarities as well. We can help each other in so many ways. Just by sharing what we have been through, we can show that it is possible not only to survive, but thrive. You have gifts that you will find useful. You are quite capable in more ways than you can imagine. I hope you will come back and tell us more about yourself. We would love to have you here!

Mamacita

One arrives on the Spectrum before birth. It is the way the brain is designed as it grows and matures in utero. Children can go for long periods of time undiagnosed. Some never are. They learn early on to hide their anxiety and their fears, and never to mention the trauma they endure to their parents or their teachers. Growing up I was used to people thinking I was "different." I had skills that kept me in demand, so most people at least tolerated me enough to keep me around. My extended family wanted me to attend this really great University, but I was afraid that I wasn't smart enough to attend and keep up an A average. My self esteem was really low, because I knew my weaknesses. I worked twice as hard on some things just to make a decent grade. I was not an auditory learner. I had to learn by seeing, and doing. Yet I could repeat a song on the piano, note by note, having only heard it once. Strange. Routine is very important to me. If I am uncomfortable about something a bit of Retail Therapy or even cleaning the house might put things right again. I read something recently that said Auties take longer for processing information, so there is a little bit of delay sometimes when a question is asked of an Autie. I have to say that for me, this is totally accurate. It took me about five seconds one time for me to open my mouth when the School Counselor asked me a point blank question. It hurt my feelings terribly when she looked at me and said " Well, your lack of response tells me all I need to know!" No. Totally inaccurate. But her mind was made up, so there was no further discussion. At least I learned by that experience that some Neurotypicals require immediate answers, as in a courtroom setting. No offense. This was all news to me, as well!

For @gingerw and all our companions on the Spectrum, a hearty welcome to the table this cold, cloudy December morning. I may have another cup of coffee as I try to think about what I want to talk about this morning. So, take off your coat, pull up a chair, and make yourself at home. Recently we had a guest who shared so beautifully the story of his life on the Spectrum. He was tested and re-tested multiple times, with differing results, through the years. Various and sundry labels were placed on him as the educational and medical establishment sought to determine the root of his problems. Not unlike my own journey, except mine was spread over a period of 66 years, and continues to this day.

I am not a Clinical Psychologist. I am not a Psychiatrist. I am merely an inhabitant on this round ball of dirt, water, grass, and sky that we call Earth. I am not better than you, but I am not less than, either. And therein lies the rub. I have dabbled in human behavior for most of my life. I could throw information at you and give you statistics and quote form "experts" in the field. I could do that, yes. That would be a worthy task, and I just might find myself doing that at some later point in time. But you know what I really think is at the bottom of all these issues and labels and problems that we all have, Neurodivergent and Neurotypical alike? Acceptance. Being seen, being heard, and being loved by one's own tribe.

I have worked with children who had multiple diagnoses, Non-verbal, lost in their own world, and requiring 24/7 care. One particular child would "stim" by grasping her fists in front of her chest, then fling her long, slender arms out to the side as hard and fast as she could. Once she did that and she made contact with my eye. Oh, the pain of that! And the embarrassment! I should have known better than to be standing right there next to her within arm's length when she was stimming. My Principal insisted on taking me to an ER center where the Doctor pronounced that I'd lost fifty percent of my vision in that eye. He assured me that it was only temporary, and sure enough, I was fine within weeks. It never returned 100% but it was good enough.

So to make a long story short, I would say that we do not need to increase our anxiety levels by dwelling on the difficulties we encounter daily. I know now that I have a few glitches in my brain that make certain learning more difficult. Not impossible, but harder to accomplish. When I read for enjoyment, the words seem to dance around on the page. I have to go back and visualize who everyone is in the book, and keep a running list in my mind of "who is who." Yet, at the same time, I can tell you what episode of which television show was on when I hung the curtains yesterday. And exactly what we had for lunch Or where my coworker placed the paperwork that she said she never touched. Fortunately for me, there were video cameras in every classroom, in every part of the school where I worked. I just shrugged off her accusations, but another colleague would not let it go. Insisted that the tape be played back in front of the Principal. I was vilified.

Sure, we have issues that try to throw a wrench in the works. I never know what kind of mood I am going to be in when I wake up every morning. Depression and anxiety, as well as chronic pain know their way to my door all too well. So, I have learned to practice self care and gratitude. OCD is trying to teach me some things at the present. But that story is for another day. In this world of trying to be the perfect parent, the perfect spouse, the perfect friend, the perfect employee, can we just stop a second and think of how ridiculous a goal that actually is? How about we just sit back, take a break, and concentrate on being the best "you" that you can be? Because to look at all our faults and failings, to compare ourselves with ourselves, is worse than useless. It is dangerous. Be glad of who you are! Love yourself, and take time for yourself. Be the kindness to yourself that you so graciously give to others.

Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukah or Happy Whatever you identify with! You are loved!