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Dissociative identity disorders (DID) from vicious childhood abuse
Mental Health | Last Active: Jun 3, 2021 | Replies (64)Comment receiving replies
Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse as an infant till I left for collage at age 17 1/2 I developed so many personalities.
As I look back, I have been depressed all my life. (I know now my depression started at age 3 months.)
I started remembering abuse at age 36. Thru my years of therapy, I discovered I had been born into a satinic cult. My brothers and I were 6th generation. To make a very long story much shorter, God always lead me to right places and people to help me heal.
In my therapy I learned I had somewhere between 250 and 500 personalities. I fully intregrated everyone of them on 1/1/11. I know I have been lead here to help others like me.
Today I live a wonderful life. Why????? Because I would not let them win.
I have spent years in online groups like this as a member, moderator and the person who started groups for people like me. The internet made it possible to connect with folks like myself but back then they didn't have a wonderful site like this to connect to folks.
Truthfully I thought I was done with groups like this. Gladly done with groups like this at the time. Now, having said this, I am thrilled to find this site. I have 2 more things to accomplish then I have taken my entire life back from the abuse. 1. Getting off Effexor. 2 End my depression.
I am 67 years old. I look like a cute granny but you better watch for the twinkle in my eye because I am the biggest kid around and will shamelessly pull you leg when someone is in front of me if I can. I own the entire bubble supply in my town because I love to blow bubbles and watch then float away into the sky. How many times I have wished I could float away with them. I am so glad I did not float away because I never would have finished healing.
My older brother started having memories and ended up commiting suicide. Because he did that, I felt I could not do this myself. I knew how hard it was for my family to deal with.
Today, I live a contented peaceful life. Why??????
BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN.
Replies to "Hello, my name is Bright Wings. I am 67 years old and because of tremendous abuse..."
Brightwings please read thjis, Peach.
@ Dear Parus, all the hatred in the world will continue and some how we must keep it out of our minds. Easy to say and very, very hard to do but somehow do we must. Just wait and you will see that time helps. It does not heal all but time does help. Perhaps you could rewrite your journals in a fashion that will not refer to the (your) family. Then it could be published if you want it to. Even if it will not be published it is a healing way to help. With care, Peach
@brightwings Wow! What a wonderful story of your healing. I knew a woman who was also raised in multigenerational satanic cult. She too had multiple personalities. The stories she told me of what she endured would make your toes curl. Those stories were horrific, but she also shared stories about what it is like to have multiple personalities. She would wake up and her hair would be dyed red because that is what one wanted. Another time she ended up in Mexico because that one wanted to go.....the incidences go on and on. She was working on her integration when I saw her last. Success stories like yours warms the heart and helps so many to go on. Thank you for sharing your story.
Someone else who has endured cults. Altho integrated (mostly) time is still lost when the stress, depression, anxiety, etc. overwhelm. I (or we) stay close to home and far from others. No one on the outside is trusted. Cults are beyond words. So many do not understand DID and many professionals do not believe such a thing can be. They have been cruel and have no use for them and their ignorance. Sorry for the pain others have gone through and are still being harmed by the abuse of others. Coming here is helpful.
@brightwings Hate is evil. As a child I prayed God would send His angels to take me home before the age of 12. We somehow have survived.
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@Parus, My family was a godless one. So religious fanatic or athiest, to hurt someone comes from their brains. The way they want to believe to suit their purpose. They are happy when they hurt someone and any reason is a good one to hide behind. I thought about a god and hated him for allowing me to be beat with the belt buckle, breaking dinner dishes over my head. Having my sisters watch and laugh and beat on me three to one. Being call no good, stupid, bitch, whore, no good and everything else. And much, much more. I now at age 80 am learning to believe in a person, may it be god or whatever, I will love him and respect him. Keep believing it really is helping me now. With love Peach