God Bless you @brightwings.

I know without a doubt God is blessing me. He keeps leading me to where he needs me to be, either to help myself or others.
I died 5 times before I was 5 years old from severe abuse. Each time I went to heaven, I saw the bright light that was God and an Adobe like structure with the gates locked tight. Each time God said to me," Susie, you have to go back. I have things for you to do."
I believed I was too bad to have a place in heaven and that's why God hated me so much I was not allowed to stay in heaven. Children do not understand things like this. So when I turned 5 and could finally attend the long awaited vacation school, I was going around in a circle with 6 other kids singing, Jesus loves the little children....I absolutely knew that was true....for every child in the world....EXCEPT ME.
NOW FOR ANYONE READING THIS: YES JESUS does love all the little children. Even me. It was my childish thinking that gave me that idea. I had no other way to explain getting kicked out of heaven 5 times.
Once in my recovery, I remember screaming at God, "where were you when all this was happening to me?". I instantly saw a very old face, with long white beard and hair. That face was streaming tears as I am right now. I instantly knew God grieved thru all my abuse but he could not stop any of it because he gave man free will. That meant He couldn't stop my abuse.
Now to be fair, He saved my life 5 times. Each time I was sent back, I was given a gift to use in my work for him. I don't remember them all at once because those gifts are not about me. They are to assist in His work and when those gifts get to be about me, I lose them until I am humble again.
I always remember I fight evil. I have known great evil in my life. Evil still hates me.
I can also use angels to help folks when I get a message to use one. But remember, those gifts are not about me but HIM. Smiling at you all, Bright Wings

Hi, @brightwings -- I like that your username seems to capture where you are trying to go with your life now. I'm also very glad you are not done with groups like this. Great to have you here. I'm picturing you now blowing bubbles and watching them float away into the sky.

I'm extremely sorry to hear about the abuse you endured as a little child and the multiple personalities that developed. I thought you might like to meet @ilovejesus, @peachy, @kecsystem, who may have some thoughts for on your history with dissociative identity disorder, formerly called multiple personality disorder, from their personal experiences. Also wanted to introduce you to @parus @amberpep @lafaye @gagelle @peach414144 @vsinn2000 and @wendallzmom, who will understand your experience with abuse and whom I hope will share some of their insights with you from the situations from which they have emerged.

What would you say has been key in helping you take your life back from the abuse? What was needed for you to fully integrate your hundreds of personalities?

Thank you for your kind reply. I clicked on your profile and was taken back by your posted name. It felt scary on one side of me, while I "know" I am not being abused now.
What helped me to be in control? That is how I am choosing to answer this question? I got mad, I had already been a victim, poor me, and so afraid to leave the house in case "someone would hurt me again"
Yes, I had been abused tremendously. AND I ALLOWED THE MEMORIES OF ABUSE TO END MY LIFE AS I KNEW IT.
As I said before God continually leads me to the next place for healing. IF I AM LISTENING.
I was lead to a group in a church full of other survivors of sexual abuse. I jumped in with both feet. They were singing my songs.
I finally learned I could be angry about my abuse. I was not being abused anymore. No one would kill me any more if I got mad., a definite possibility when I was a child.
So I got mad, angry, pissed, add any word you want, I ALLOWED MYSELF TO FEEL IT. I VOWED I WAS TAKING BACK MY LIFE. The slogan I used was and is....I WILL NOT LET THEM WIN.
NO matter how hard the memories or the denial got, I kept putting one foot in front of the other and kept going. Why??? BECAUSE I WOULD NOT LET THEM WIN. AND I AM WORTH WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO HEAL.

@brightwings I am so glad that you found Connect! Thanks for adding your remarkable story to this discussion.

I look forward to hearing from you again

Teresa

@Dear, dear, dear Brightwings: take it from an 80 year old woman woh has been tortured mentally and physically by both my mother, father and sisters: IT IS NOT YOU, IT IS THEM. You are loved by Jesus and all of the rest of us on this planet whether they know you or not. It was not until I ran away from my family (and ran to the authorities) that I found the truth. God loves me and I love me. It took many years but here I am and here you are. When you believe in yourself it all comes together. I have made it to 80 and am looking to go as far as I can. I could continue on but you will eventually see> With love and careingly, Peach

@Dear Brightwings, I need to add this to my previous reply: I lived in a godless family. This made it a long, long journey for me. It is only very recently I have found god. There are so many stories. HANG IN THERE! Peach

For anyone with DID it is not your fault!!! Would that the medical world would not judge because of such a diagnosis. I wanted no one knowing and because of all the sharing within medical groups this has happened. People read and watch too much and are ignorant. Be brave and I hope others do not experience/abuse due to ignorance. I am partially integrated and I much prefer the DID. Not easy being us at times.

@peach414144 The mother was a religious fanatic and it was severely abusive.

@peach414144 Yeah a lot of mental and physical torture. A long, long road to healing. All of our journals were trashed to protect the adult children and a grandchild. This is not a type of demon possession. It is a gift. So much for denial.