Hello @mnitchke I am Scott and it is nice to e-meet you here on Connect even under the challenging circumstances you are experiencing.

You talk about many emotions and feelings that caregivers experience day in and day out. It is good that you are able to share them! I was the caregiver for my wife for 14 years while she battled brain cancer. As caregivers we all feel that terrible pull of feeling we are not doing enough for our patient or that we are doing too much. In my case I was often criticized on both counts! Remember superheros only exist in comic books, not as caregivers! So one can only do what they can as best they can in the way each of us thinks is best! Caregiving is a highly individualized undertaking, just as each chronic disease effects each person slightly different so we approach caregiving in our own unique way. I often wished there was a 'one size fits all' template for us caregivers to follow, but there simply isn't!

In my book, and this is only my personal opinion here, you can never hold your spouse too close. That is what love is all about ---- and love is the underlying emotion, which to me is what allows caregivers to give the immense amount of work, emotional energy, etc. we each dole out and spend each and every day! Often I was told I should walk away from my wife and her needs more (she chose home hospice for the last year and a half), but there was no way I could be any other kind of caregiver than the kind I was. We were married for 41 years and there was no way I could believe anyone who told me (and many did) that I had to follow the timeline they thought I had too or they believed was right in their view! I couldn't then -- and I can't now as I find I am grieving again in my own way and on my own timeline.

I wish you continued courage, strength, and peace!

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