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~ Fearful in my Apartment Complex ~
As many of you know, about 2 years ago I moved from MD to VA to half a duplex. Hated the town I was in and $$ was going down quickly, so I moved about a year ago to a low-income apartment complex. Now, please, please don't think I'm feeling like I'm better than these folks, because I realize that in God's eyes we're all the same. There are so many problems in just my building, and I'm sure the others also, that it's very upsetting. Children run random like wild animals, jumping up and down on the A/C unit, run through the hallways screaming all hours of the night and day, and the older kids try to aim directly for us when they're on their bikes. Every Sat. PM, there's a real drug-fest in the building across from me, and the other night I was awakened by the sound of a gun. The management knows all of this, but seems to be helpless to do anything. Also, there's a police officer living in my building, but I guess when he's off, he really is off. Can't say I blame him. Often there are 4 police cars out front hauling someone away ..... a drunk, drug addict, or the woman downstairs who is schizophrenic and not taking her meds. There are people here, very elderly and frail who seem to have no one checking in on them, so I've been doing that weekly, a 36 year old woman who has the mental capacity of a 12 year old. The other night I had a knock on the door for me to take a young girl to the ER ... chest pains ... they should have called the ambulance, but "no" they didn't want to. So I stupidly took her, plus 4 other people. There's a guy here that is in and out of jail, going from friend to friend .... his family kicked him out. So, now, I pretty much stay in my bedroom, on the far end of my apt. I make my dinner and come back here. I have my door locked, a deadbolt, and a heavy metal thick rod that goes under my door knob, and as soon as I eat dinner, it's lights out except for back here. Even with my meds., my anxiety is through the roof, and I've had to take melatonin to sleep. When I try to tell my kids about it, they chuckle and say, "oh, wow, that's funny." No, it's not funny at all. I'd rather just go to sleep and not wake up than live with this fear.
Why oh why did I ever move from MD? It was a huge mistake, but it's too late now.
abby
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@hopeful33250 Thank you. It means a lot to hear the words of encouragement.
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2 Reactions@amberpep I saw an older lady who had streaked her white hair with pink and purple. You came to mind with your liberating action. I am saddened you need to deal with so much garbage in your golden years. I refer to these years as my pewter years since both are soft metals. Physically I am weak, but endeavor to keep my spirit strong. I hope things improve for you. Keep your feisty spirit.
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3 Reactions@parus I appreciate your kind words of encouragement to @amberpep. I'm very intrigued by the new picture. The colors are lovely! Can you tell me something about it?
Teresa
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1 ReactionThanks you all for your kind words. I honestly don't know how I'd get along without you dear folks, and my therapist and Psychiatrist.
It is such a safe place to share everything, no matter what. It's funny, I call these the titanium years because of my artificial knee!.
abby
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3 ReactionsI still feel as if you did nothing wrong and should not carry undeserved guilt. I actually think we all do carry much that we don't deserve and it is debilitating. I think some of those surprises coming at us can be good, fun, or hopeful. I at least have to have that discussion with myself most days or we would not keep going.
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2 Reactionsparus ... you sure you're not living where I am? How can these people not realize that their behavior and their behavior toward their children will have a profound affect on them? I feel sorry for the kids, as angry as they make me, because they're the ones who will suffer this insane "lack of parenting."
abby
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3 ReactionsI use to live in an efficiency for a year while attending college. I was a tiny 19 year old just trying to focus on school. We had a drunk that lived two apartments down from me and he would get insanely drunk and bang on my apartment door regularly around 7:30pm every night. Very nerve racking and I was honestly too scared to go anywhere near my front door. I started looking for apartments in smaller towns near by. now I pay a little less than $200 more and my neighbors are awesome and my neighborhood is quiet. Maybe it's time to look more outbound?
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3 Reactions@amberpep Me too. I have told my 3 adult children that parents fail children and children do not fail parents. My children owe me nothing and not wanting to be a burden on them keeps me going. They know little about my abusive past. To think my own mother abused "my" children as she did me as a child still causes my ire to rise. What kind of mother can be like this?? To this day I have difficulties shutting her religious recantations silent.
I wonder the same about you as to living conditions Still fortunate as I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a car (old), no credit card debts, no longer pleasing others and crawling through the hoops of abusers. May get lonely. Lonely is better than abuse!!!
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1 Reaction@hopeful33250 It was a challenge by another photographer/artist from a photo she took of her Siamese fighting fish. I am still making changes before I send it too her-this was for fun and I have had fun! I come out of my dark hole from time to time. My woman's cave is my safe place even if I am surrounded by noise-Is this surround sound?
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1 Reaction@amberpep Keep your humor and spunk. I have a knee that needs help...titanium? Arrgghh
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