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Loss and Grief: How are you doing?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: Apr 7 12:18pm | Replies (932)Comment receiving replies
Over the years I've lost my grandmother, father, mother, and two brothers. Feb 1, 2018 my wife of 22 years disappeared from my life, she never returned from the beauty shop, the pain of being ghosted is incredible, I wound up in the hospital due to that where I went unconscious for 5-6 hours. The ER literally kicked me into the waiting room, maybe they thought I was ok but I didn't because I knew I was going under but they wouldn't listen. Just get him out of here. This took place sometime after 1:30 am. Time is messed up but my brother had just walked in the room and I had moved away from a little girl who sat by me because I didn't want her to get hurt...then I blacked out and woke up at 12:30, 5-6 hours unconscious.
I was well aware that my family members were dying. Brother Stephen lived in the Sierras and I was 150 miles away when I decided to go get him as I knew something was very wrong. I drove up there then back down to the Palo Alto, CA, VA hospital. They thought he was just a drunk but I told them he drinks a lot of coffer and sometimes a beer or two. I'm an AA alcoholic so I know some about that. Anyway turned out he had a large tumor on his brain which the doctors at Stanford Medical removed. Stephen lived another 2 years. Right before that my brother John died at home due to some in operable stomach thing. Doctors at UC Davis, CA, could not tell us what the problem was.
There is lots more but losing your wife and she's still living far away is something no person should go through. Does she just hate me? I know death but when it happens over a course of time and you're prepared for it it's not as bad as this.
When I knew Stephen was dying I did the same thing, drove up to the mountains and brought him back to the VA Hospital where the Doctors told me he was dying. They were good to him and placed him in a home in Palo Alto where he died within a few weeks. Miss him a lot. The end for now. Good to write this stuff down. Thanks!
Replies to "Over the years I've lost my grandmother, father, mother, and two brothers. Feb 1, 2018 my..."
@littleonefmohio, "but don't drive if its far." Yes dear. Common answer I think.
The meeting in Angels Camp isn't to far, about 3-4 miles. Probably fit into one Monday and Tuesday evening, I'll check out the day time meetings to. It'll give me something to do and the people at AA meetings are nice like you guys. There are men only meetings and open meetings but I don't know of any women only groups, guess women need us men to balance them out.
At a men's meeting up in Arnold a woman showed up and we let her in, she needed help now and not later. It's a pretty amazing work, I guess you say. Don't seem to be any boss's. There is some administration going on somewhere but I don't know where, probably on the East Coast.
I know what you mean on old memory's. Sometimes they pop up and I'll say, Where'd you come from? If I don't like it I dismiss it by changing channels. Go away! The song for that is: Randy Travis. If you like country music, if not don't go there.
https://youtu.be/DfwBrQHiXFU@harriethodgson1, I can only understand that pain of missing your daughter as I watched Mary over the years, her grief is something I never understood completely. I knew what it was each year and I'd just allow for the process which start's probably Christmas and goes through her birthday, her sons birthday on Valentines day, then Easter Sunday which is tomorrow. She's got lots of help down there so she'll be fine. Trouble is that span takes up a lot of time and space and whatever.
@sunnymygirl, Hi, just re-read your post and you asked, "...how to not be angry at her for dying and leaving me behind." When my brothers died I never got angry at them, John and Steve were both a lot of fun to sit and talk with and fishing and other stuff.
Before Steve died he gave me his jeep and I say thanks almost every time I get in. The jeep is a 1990 and going strong.
6 months before I met my wife her son died in suicide. The guys dad didn't seem to think much of it as he'd had the guy 5150'd to a 3 day lock up. Anyway it's a long story but he died on Easter Sunday. Some time after I met Mary the anger crept up on her and she'd go into raging hate attacks on her sons father for the mean things he did to the family. He abandoned them in Salt Lake City with 90.00 dollars and a drop off at the welfare office, then he split for Florida and his new chicky.
Dealing with this raging anger and hatred was difficult but it finally abated after about 3 years. Some flare ups after that but I did convince her that the anger and hatred were affecting her and it'd be better to try to forgive the guy.
Don't know if your anger is that strong but it's a good thing to talk out with people. Yours is not with you and the guy is still here, now it's my turn to work on anger.
Anger will be dealt with one way or another. It's best if you can recognize it and do something with it. One thing I'd often do in my meditation time is to take things that really bother me and I can't do anything about, I'd write a note and tie it to an arrow, then I'd just shoot if as far away as possible. It helped. Find somewhere to place your ache and pain and the anger.
just thinking
mark
Thanks Muppey! My anger is much better! I’m down to mostly irritation. Nothing remains the same, not even our loved ones but I’m much better and allow myself to cry, feel her loss and miss her daily. I have to live and go forward, not easy but has to be done. I appreciate all of your thoughts. You all help me so much. Thanks.
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You are most welcome! My hubby always tells me that I see the glass half empty. He is right. I am a blessed woman and I need to change my perspective. I want to chose to be stronger like you!
ronnie