Anniversary date of trauma, loss of my son

@georgette12 It can take your body a while to adjust to a new medication. Is the "not good" feeling physical?

@georgette12

It is often hard to communicate with someone with mental illness.You reached out to him and you tried to communicate. Even though it might not feel like it made a difference, he did know that you cared and that is important for both you and him.

Teresa

Such a traumatic time in your life. I'm sorry about your husband. I pray he finds a job soon. I was the office manager for a counseling center for many years I've seen this many times. When a person decides to end their life they're in such a dark hole. They don't stop to think of how their death will affect their loved ones. I sure wish they would. I think you said you also found your son. That and seeing what you saw (I know, my uncle shot himself and without going into detail the stuff to be dealt with afterwards was horrific) I hope that you can find some peace in knowing that you loved him and he knew that. You were not the reason for his actions. Try to find a local support group. I think it would help. Praying for you!

@georgette12 -- really sorry to hear that it was very bad. You definitely have a lot of very hard things hitting you all at once. Hope that your new medication, Zyprexa/olanzapine, offers you some relief.

@kdo0827

Having attempted suicide a number of times, I can tell you that in that moment, suicide becomes a rational solution to resolve the pain. Normally, I see it for the irrational thought pattern that it is. The suicidal mind is out of sync.

My experience is that the suicidal decision is arrived at over a period of time. I imagine that the process is unique to each person.

@georgette12 I know that you saw your son move through a very painful couple of years, and it must have been hard to watch and feel helpless to stop it. He knew that you cared, and I suspect that he felt a lot of guilt knowing that he was a source of distress for you. At least, that has been true for me.

I know the harm I would cause if I were to end my life, especially to my wife and children, and that's the primary motivator to keep going with life. As I said, though, those rational thoughts gradually disappear, the deeper I get into the darkness of depression.

I think that once a person has put a plan in place and decided to commit suicide, it becomes more and more difficult to get them to stop, unless you can physically restrain them in time. When I'm at that point, I don't want to talk to anyone about it, and I'm very unlikely to call a suicide hotline or a person who might try to talk me out of it.

I hope that no one here feels responsible for a loved one's suicide.

Jim

@jimhd

Thanks for those excellent thoughts Jim.

Teresa

Just took the zyprexa. Today is going to be the third day. It makes me tired though. The "not good " feeling is mental. But then of course that creates physical stuff.

@georgette12 Wishing you well with your new med! Teresa

@georgette12 -- I also hope things go well on your new medication. How long did your doctor say it would take for you to adjust to it when you started?