1. < Mental Health

~ Left my safe “nest," regretting move ~

Posted by Barb @amberpep, Dec 12, 2017

Hi all ..... well, ever since I gave in to my kids' hounding and moved down to this wretched place, and left my safe "nest" in MD, it just seems as though everything continues to go wrong, fall apart, etc. I should have never moved, and I'm so sorry I did. Everything safe was in MD, and now that's all gone .....I can't move back because I've sold my condo, and I can't afford the move back as I'm still paying for the move down here to VA.
I have been going up to MD every other Tuesday to see my Psychologist and then my Psychiatrist who prescribes the meds. Well, I wrote to my therapist this week telling him I couldn't make it up this week as I'd had that accident with my car, and was there a time when we could at least talk. The note I got back said that no, he was packed until Christmas, which I believe because Christmas is hard for a lot of people - including me. He then went on to say that he thinks it would be better if I found someone down here for counseling rather than coming up there (3 hrs.) to meet with him. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. It was the same old thing, same old message I always got from my parents, and my X-husband - "go away, I don't have time for you, you're too much trouble, just find another place to go." Boy those voices started screaming in my head.. I want to believe he did this wellmeaningly, but I know he is very busy, and this was probably another way to get rid of one of those leaches. Also, if I don't see a therapist (Psychologist), I won't be able to see my Psychiatrist for meds. as you have to be under a doctor's care to see a Psychiatrist. I've been with this doctor for 12 years and we've come a long way .... I won't detail it .... some of you know it. Well, I'm not about to start again with someone down here .... there's just no way. I don't like living here, and I'm not about to try to fill his shoes with someone else. I have always had a hard time trusting men .... we would joke that I had this "special little group" of safe men .... my son, my sil, and my therapist. I always considered men to be sex-driven animals.
So, I guess I'll soon be on my own ..... go back to the way life always was ..... put one foot in front of the other until it's all over. I'm 73 so that's not too far away.
abby

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Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Dec 14, 2017

@amberpep

What a difficult turn of events, Abby. I know that it would be terrible to be cut off so abruptly, after so long with the therapist. I can understand why he would suggest you find someone where you now live. Three hours is a long drive, especially in the winter. That still doesn't make it easy to consider making that change. I've had to start all over again with a parade of therapists over the past 12 years, and it has never been easy for me. I live in a small town, with a mental health clinic where I could receive therapy for little or nothing. The trouble with that is that people would come to the clinic to do the required year of internship, then leave to go where they would make a lot more money. Then the hospital hired a behavior therapist who saw clients two or three days a week, and they accepted Medicare. But, the same thing happened there with the first two therapists. Then the hospital took 18 months to hire a new one. I started with him this April, and I think he wants to stay here. Wonderful!

Starting over is horribly difficult. I won't deny that. I don't wish it on anyone.

I need to say that the time could come when you become desperate for help. I hope that you will be aware that the time is approaching and will be able to find someone who will be competent to treat you. There could be a perfect match within walking distance from your new home. Who knows.

It's bedtime for me, so I can't write more. But I'm thinking of you.

Jim

REPLY
3 replies
Barb | @amberpep | Dec 14, 2017
In reply to @jimhd "@amberpep What a difficult turn of events, Abby. I know that it would be terrible to..." + (show)
@jimhd

@amberpep

What a difficult turn of events, Abby. I know that it would be terrible to be cut off so abruptly, after so long with the therapist. I can understand why he would suggest you find someone where you now live. Three hours is a long drive, especially in the winter. That still doesn't make it easy to consider making that change. I've had to start all over again with a parade of therapists over the past 12 years, and it has never been easy for me. I live in a small town, with a mental health clinic where I could receive therapy for little or nothing. The trouble with that is that people would come to the clinic to do the required year of internship, then leave to go where they would make a lot more money. Then the hospital hired a behavior therapist who saw clients two or three days a week, and they accepted Medicare. But, the same thing happened there with the first two therapists. Then the hospital took 18 months to hire a new one. I started with him this April, and I think he wants to stay here. Wonderful!

Starting over is horribly difficult. I won't deny that. I don't wish it on anyone.

I need to say that the time could come when you become desperate for help. I hope that you will be aware that the time is approaching and will be able to find someone who will be competent to treat you. There could be a perfect match within walking distance from your new home. Who knows.

It's bedtime for me, so I can't write more. But I'm thinking of you.

Jim

Jump to this post

Thank you Lisa .... I appreciate your words of understanding .... you've been there.
Well, as I wrote in my last post, my upset has turned into anger, and now this morning it's more moderated. If he wants me out, so be it, but I won't start over. Good grief .... I'd be in there for 3 days! Not sure about the meds. yet or where I'll get them, but I need to see a therapist in order for the Psychiatrist to prescribe Rx's;
Thanks friend .....
abby

REPLY
Barb | @amberpep | Dec 14, 2017
In reply to @jimhd "@amberpep What a difficult turn of events, Abby. I know that it would be terrible to..." + (show)
@jimhd

@amberpep

What a difficult turn of events, Abby. I know that it would be terrible to be cut off so abruptly, after so long with the therapist. I can understand why he would suggest you find someone where you now live. Three hours is a long drive, especially in the winter. That still doesn't make it easy to consider making that change. I've had to start all over again with a parade of therapists over the past 12 years, and it has never been easy for me. I live in a small town, with a mental health clinic where I could receive therapy for little or nothing. The trouble with that is that people would come to the clinic to do the required year of internship, then leave to go where they would make a lot more money. Then the hospital hired a behavior therapist who saw clients two or three days a week, and they accepted Medicare. But, the same thing happened there with the first two therapists. Then the hospital took 18 months to hire a new one. I started with him this April, and I think he wants to stay here. Wonderful!

Starting over is horribly difficult. I won't deny that. I don't wish it on anyone.

I need to say that the time could come when you become desperate for help. I hope that you will be aware that the time is approaching and will be able to find someone who will be competent to treat you. There could be a perfect match within walking distance from your new home. Who knows.

It's bedtime for me, so I can't write more. But I'm thinking of you.

Jim

Jump to this post

Hi again Jim .... it's funny, but I forgot a few things to you ..... to swamp him totally, I could give a new doctor all my journals from the passed 12 years .... I believe there's 20 of them .... that should occupy him/her for awhile.
And, as morbid as this sounds .... at 73, well ...... I could "take care of business" myself.
abby

REPLY
Mentor
Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Dec 15, 2017
In reply to @jimhd "@amberpep What a difficult turn of events, Abby. I know that it would be terrible to..." + (show)
@jimhd

@amberpep

What a difficult turn of events, Abby. I know that it would be terrible to be cut off so abruptly, after so long with the therapist. I can understand why he would suggest you find someone where you now live. Three hours is a long drive, especially in the winter. That still doesn't make it easy to consider making that change. I've had to start all over again with a parade of therapists over the past 12 years, and it has never been easy for me. I live in a small town, with a mental health clinic where I could receive therapy for little or nothing. The trouble with that is that people would come to the clinic to do the required year of internship, then leave to go where they would make a lot more money. Then the hospital hired a behavior therapist who saw clients two or three days a week, and they accepted Medicare. But, the same thing happened there with the first two therapists. Then the hospital took 18 months to hire a new one. I started with him this April, and I think he wants to stay here. Wonderful!

Starting over is horribly difficult. I won't deny that. I don't wish it on anyone.

I need to say that the time could come when you become desperate for help. I hope that you will be aware that the time is approaching and will be able to find someone who will be competent to treat you. There could be a perfect match within walking distance from your new home. Who knows.

It's bedtime for me, so I can't write more. But I'm thinking of you.

Jim

Jump to this post

Who knows how many pages are in my records!

I understand too well your last sentence. I don't like feeling that way, but that's just how it is some days. We just keep taking life minute by minute.

Jim

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Dec 15, 2017

@jimhd We surely do. Depression can be a thief. So dislike the place I have been so many times before. Leaves me with a feeling of weakness as I cannot overcome this darkness. I present with a smile on my face. I do not want others to see the desperation within. No reason to be in a funk. Going through the motions like so many of us do. An emptiness within that leaves me feeling I have failed when I really have not-or, have I.

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Dec 16, 2017
In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hi Abby, @amberpep That sounds like a good plan. I understand what you mean about being..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

Hi Abby, @amberpep

That sounds like a good plan. I understand what you mean about being directionally compromised. I call myself "directionally impaired and map skill deficient." It covers the whole thing - I even leave extra time for getting lost when I'm going somewhere I've never been before - it really is frustrating at times, isn't it?

Teresa

Jump to this post

@amberpep I agree Abby - us directionally impaired need our own group~ I can understand your enjoying maps - if only we could make sense of them - oh well, for another time. I hope you are feeling better today.

Teresa

REPLY
Parus | @parus | Dec 17, 2017

@jimhd For this commentator there would be tomes. Ironic how nearly all of them were handwritten prior to everyone going high tech. No one can find any history prior to 2012. I am starting all over. WOW!! A clean slate-or, it was. Also many things do not get enter correctly. Oh yes, let us all sing praises to the typists that type. I would say excuse the sarcasm, but just not in an apologetic mood. Technology has come a long way and it is not all negative and some advances have been positive.
I so relish having what is known about me out there for all to see!!! It is called communication!

REPLY
Barb | @amberpep | Dec 17, 2017

I am so thankful for my computer and being able to communicate with folks who are feeling the same or similar as I am. I feel it's truly a gift from God, IF used properly. Of course, there are always those that abuse things like this, but for us? It's great.
abby

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