Connect
← Return to Long-term depression
Discussion
Comment receiving replies
I found myself in a dark place I'd never been 12 years ago, a deep hole of depression and suicide. It was a tortuous climb out, that took several years. I lived on the edge of the hole for some time after, and sometimes I find myself back close to the edge again. Such was the case a year ago. I think I had started into the hole, and really didn't want to live. There hadn't been a therapist available to me for 18 months, though if the director of the behavioral health department at the main hospital had seen me, I might have been able to get an appointment with him, even though it's an hour drive. I had to see him for a required evaluation for a spinal cord stimulator implant, and I kind of came apart in his office. I'd had to wait for 3 months to get that appointment. What he saw concerned him but he was booked three weeks out. That's a long time for someone in my condition to wait. But I made it for six weeks until a therapist finally came to my town. I know he saved my life.
I'm not sure where I was going with this. I've been feeling times of sadness lately, which is something fairly new, and I haven't figured out how to deal with them. The therapist told me today that depression tends to suppress emotions, so when we feel one, or I should say, when I feel one, I don't know what to do with it. It's been a long time since I have felt anything.
Jim
Replies to "I found myself in a dark place I'd never been 12 years ago, a deep hole..."
Hi Jim It's been years since I felt anything. I don't know if it's the Cymbalta or the Risperdal but it's since I have been taking them for 7-8 years. What really bothers me the most is that I can't cry anymore either. Therefore I can't even feel my sadness. What has been happening is fighting off bad moods. I get them when I wake up and before I get out of bed.
Your in my prayers and do hope that all of us who respond to your post gets well.
Lorraine
I so appreciate your input and your raw honesty. It's sad that we even have this group but what we go through is real, very real. My new meds seem to be helping some. The Remeron makes me hungry which is tough when you're dieting. I've gained back 5 pounds and I'm not happy. Hopefully the meds will continue to work. I've also gone back to therapy. Deep past issues I've buried need to be dealt with. Hope I can go there. Be blessed today!
SO NICE TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE OTHERS OUT THERE WITH SIMILAR ISSUES. THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING REPLY. MOST DAYS I FEEL LIKE I AM ON THE VERGE OF AN ANXIETY ATTACK. FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS WHEN I TOOK 1 MG OF PRESCRIBED XANAX THE SYMPTIOMS ALMOST DISAPPEAR .
Hi, @donny67. I'm sorry your anxiety has been so hard.
Additionally, just wanted to mention that we discourage the use of ALL CAPS for writing messages, since it is considered shouting in online communication. I'd just recommend turning the all caps off. See the community guidelines here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/community-guidelines/
Talk soon.
Hi, @desirea -- what you said about not feeling anything and not being able to cry made me think of another discussion in the Mental Health group here that you may want to check out: http://mayocl.in/2HCENXT
Do you still experience highs/joys with the medications you are taking?
@desirea You are not alone with this.
@parus Thank You. I am so used to it now, I forget.
Hmm. I was thinking maybe the Gabapentin was making me hungry all the time. If it's the Remeron, I guess I need to work harder on exercising my will power.
Jim
Connect
@jimhd Those dark places are beyond describing. I end up filled with guilt because I do not trust enough. I no longer attend church as it triggers PTSD. My sanctuary is my home and what nature I can find. I know that numb feeling. Maybe it is the way of our minds escaping. It is auto pilot that frightens me. We continue keeping on.