What is an unsexy, raw reality of a long term marriage/relationship.

@shmerdloff Yikes! Meatloaf? What's not to like?!? Hamburger, onions, maybe some rolled oats thrown.....oh.......wait.....you meant.......... 😀

@shmerdloff So, after 53 years, she's never offered her throat to the wolf with the red roses? 😁

@capnjack
I bet you say that to all the girls!

I have somewhat repeated what our good friend said above and added some things to the
OVERWHELING LIST AND THEN VERY MUCH, NEARLY, IMPOSSIBLE
to find the essential elements in 95% of marriages that help make life emtoinally, physically and mentally healthy for both and therefore make for marriages that last
or
that takes two people into their elder years to be able to say "it was good marriage."
Congratulations to those that can say "That's my marriage."
1. Each person is comfortable in allowing the other to pusue interests that vary in nature, cost, and resourcing and allowing them the time to do so, setting time aside and away from the other and being comfortable with that.
2. Each is able to cope with the distractions, the pulls, and the diversions that life brings about.
3. Both having mutual attraction,
4. Both having similar values and morals.
5. Both have a love of a community with friends and neighbours or at least allowing one to be free to do so, allowing one to have the time to do so, if the other doesn't have the same desire or belief about having others in their lives, other than the other person.
6. Both having as close as possible level of education to avoid possible insecuity problems etc.
7. Both having an open mind, a non judgemental attitude about each ones choice of beliefs be it philosohy or religion ...being comfortable each others beliefs, thoughts and ways to practicing their belifes, rituals etc.
8. Allow each other their own time, to do by themselves their favorite pastime if they prefer to do it alone.
9. Either have the same hobbies and if not be comfortable with another persons having a hobbby that the other person can't understand why that would interest the other person etc.
10. Both having a positive attitude and if one has a positive attitude and the other has a negative attitude they don't belittle or mock the other for it.
11, Not using the other to be the brunt of their jokes.
12. Being kind and understanding and not critical of their progeny of any kind.
13. Both having the same values.
14. Both believing in being faithful and loyal to each other.
15. Both being tolerant and understanding in all ways of those that are differnt from them..
16. Both be patience indiviauls so not to cause misunderstanidings and a feeling of one person being indirectly being told they ae stupid, wrong, and incabable.
17. Both hold to and keep the promises to each other.
18. Both accepting accountability.
19. Both understanding the need for both to strive for self improvement and self awareness.
20. Both wanting justice for one another. The fair treatment and equitable distribution of rights and responsibilities between partners.
21. Both showing one anothers gratitude for their efforts and ways of wanting to make thing nice for the other.
22. Both taking actions to help each other, and others, in kind and generous ways.
23. Both believe and practice of 'first do no harm' to each other and others.
24. Both not having their own personal agenda meaning no secret personal agenda that is undermining the relationship , is harmful to the relationship.
25. Both are unselfish .
26. Both look to understand and work towards helping one another in fulfilling each others human emtional need.
27. Both having able to show empathy to each other and others.
28. Both showing ones love for one another by a desire to bring joy to one another or able to allow the other to do what brings the other joy.
29. Both having the desire to keep oneself healthy so not to burden the other with results of ones years of addictive unhealthy habits.
30. Both willing to care for the other in all the ways needed when one becomes ill, there for them and willing to step up to the plate to do what has to be done.
and finally in the end...
31. Both showing respect for one another by not always keeping one or the other waiting.
33. Both finding ways to living with the adjustments of each others ambtions, druthers and desires.
33. Both are friends and lovers with each other.
34. Both are happy for the other in their accomplishments and without jealousy.
35. Both do not have the desire to outshine the other in the company of others or with each other.
36. Both shoe and have respect and consideration for one another.
What's your score....How many out of these did you, do you have or did not have but wished you had have in your marriage??? 🤔
For myself....not a good score and why I'm single now and without the ups and downs that took me into a deep depression until I helped myself get out of it. My Mom once said 'You can be feel lonelier in an unhappy marriage than when single and alone."
Barbara

@blm1007blm1007 Wow that's a really long list of very good things that can go into a loving relationship. I could never remember all of them or keep track of them. I guess I would just have to summarize them into one all-encompassing statement. Let's see, maybe something like this. "Love one another deeply, passionately, faithfully, and exclusively with all your heart and mind, for as long as you both shall live, and all those other things you listed will happen naturally, without even thinking about them." What do you think?

There are two stark realities I can think of. One is obvious: people grow old and die - and unless the two of you are in an unfortunate accident, one of you is going to end up without the other, 100 percent certain. When we get married, we think "this is it, forever", but it's not forever. There will be another chapter in life, eventually.

The other less morbid reality is that people change. They age (often poorly), and they may change as people. Sometimes it's better. I'm definitely a more mature, assured person at 67 than I was at 30. But sometimes it's worse, and your partner might not be the person you married.

It does take work to make sure that the two of you remain committed to being the best partners you can be. I remember many years ago, my friends and I were admiring (discreetly!) a very attractive woman who was walking by, and after she was gone, one of my friends said "somewhere, there's a guy who got tired of that." That really made me think. Saying "I do" is a real commitment, and you don't want to be the one who got "tired" of the other person.

I have somewhat repeated what our good friend said above and added some things to the
OVERWHELING LIST AND THEN VERY MUCH, NEARLY, IMPOSSIBLE
to find the essential elements in 95% of marriages that help make life emtoinally, physically and mentally healthy for both and therefore make for marriages that last
or
that takes two people into their elder years to be able to say "it was good marriage."
Congratulations to those that can say "That's my marriage."
1. Each person is comfortable in allowing the other to pusue interests that vary in nature, cost, and resourcing and allowing them the time to do so, setting time aside and away from the other and being comfortable with that.
2. Each is able to cope with the distractions, the pulls, and the diversions that life brings about.
3. Both having mutual attraction,
4. Both having similar values and morals.
5. Both have a love of a community with friends and neighbours or at least allowing one to be free to do so, allowing one to have the time to do so, if the other doesn't have the same desire or belief about having others in their lives, other than the other person.
6. Both having as close as possible level of education to avoid possible insecuity problems etc.
7. Both having an open mind, a non judgemental attitude about each ones choice of beliefs be it philosohy or religion ...being comfortable each others beliefs, thoughts and ways to practicing their belifes, rituals etc.
8. Allow each other their own time, to do by themselves their favorite pastime if they prefer to do it alone.
9. Either have the same hobbies and if not be comfortable with another persons having a hobbby that the other person can't understand why that would interest the other person etc.
10. Both having a positive attitude and if one has a positive attitude and the other has a negative attitude they don't belittle or mock the other for it.
11, Not using the other to be the brunt of their jokes.
12. Being kind and understanding and not critical of their progeny of any kind.
13. Both having the same values.
14. Both believing in being faithful and loyal to each other.
15. Both being tolerant and understanding in all ways of those that are differnt from them..
16. Both be patience indiviauls so not to cause misunderstanidings and a feeling of one person being indirectly being told they ae stupid, wrong, and incabable.
17. Both hold to and keep the promises to each other.
18. Both accepting accountability.
19. Both understanding the need for both to strive for self improvement and self awareness.
20. Both wanting justice for one another. The fair treatment and equitable distribution of rights and responsibilities between partners.
21. Both showing one anothers gratitude for their efforts and ways of wanting to make thing nice for the other.
22. Both taking actions to help each other, and others, in kind and generous ways.
23. Both believe and practice of 'first do no harm' to each other and others.
24. Both not having their own personal agenda meaning no secret personal agenda that is undermining the relationship , is harmful to the relationship.
25. Both are unselfish .
26. Both look to understand and work towards helping one another in fulfilling each others human emtional need.
27. Both having able to show empathy to each other and others.
28. Both showing ones love for one another by a desire to bring joy to one another or able to allow the other to do what brings the other joy.
29. Both having the desire to keep oneself healthy so not to burden the other with results of ones years of addictive unhealthy habits.
30. Both willing to care for the other in all the ways needed when one becomes ill, there for them and willing to step up to the plate to do what has to be done.
and finally in the end...
31. Both showing respect for one another by not always keeping one or the other waiting.
33. Both finding ways to living with the adjustments of each others ambtions, druthers and desires.
33. Both are friends and lovers with each other.
34. Both are happy for the other in their accomplishments and without jealousy.
35. Both do not have the desire to outshine the other in the company of others or with each other.
36. Both shoe and have respect and consideration for one another.
What's your score....How many out of these did you, do you have or did not have but wished you had have in your marriage??? 🤔
For myself....not a good score and why I'm single now and without the ups and downs that took me into a deep depression until I helped myself get out of it. My Mom once said 'You can be feel lonelier in an unhappy marriage than when single and alone."
Barbara