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Awkward moments in doctors’ offices

Posted by elsiecow80 @elsiecow80, Sep 25 9:18am

I guess I’m struggling with the concept of having a perfect scenario and that you can’t control outside factors. I want to be perceived as a perfect ideal parent. I know I want to do my best. But not getting validation is really hard for me, and sometimes when things go sideways and the kids misbehave, and I feel like I fell into power struggle and the trap of being on the down side of a power struggle, I feel ashamed of not being the perfect parent! I go into this downward spiral of being no good and wanting to run, hide. I suppose it is the flight mechanism of getting out of there by means of “it’s not my fault” instead of regaining a calm composure and regaining a regulated sense of self. By then the dismissiveness of the doctors and the inability to listen is really difficult for me to accept without validation. I need to hear “”you’re doing a good job, you need to stop. Don’t be so hard on yourself “ and trying to find that voice inside. Myself is very difficult and almost obsolete. Almost trying to find it anywhere, I possibly can, I think I’ve drained a lot of people by trying to do that. I’m really struggling with doing that for myself. Has anyone ever felt that way and had it start with a simple doctors appointment and just feeling depleted, dysfunctional and incapable??

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Judyinjeans. | @judyingenes | Sep 27 4:21am
In reply to @gravity3 "First of all..thank you! Thank you for having the courage to talk about your struggle. We..." + (show)
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First of all..thank you! Thank you for having the courage to talk about your struggle. We need more brave people like you. You are speaking for millions of people who think that they need to be "perfect".

These words helped me.
The best any of us can do is to be good enough. To practice compassion toward ourselves and recognize how much life we can miss by trying to be perfect....whatever the heck that is!
I am a good enough parent.
I am a good enough spouse.
I am a good enough employee
I am a good enough doctor (yup, docs too)
I am a good enough (fill in the blank)

We live with constant media messages that tell us we are
inadequate.....
..marketing to support our crazy capitalist culture.

You are good enough!!!!!!
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-parenting-playbook/202412/the-myth-of-the-perfect-parent/amp

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@gravity3 YES, YES, YES!! I hope everyone reads this....reads what?
This is what......
I AM A GOOD ENOUGH PARENT.
I AM A GOOD ENOUGH SPOUSE.
I AM A GOOD ENOUGH EMPLOYEE.
I AM A GOOD ENOUGH .....(FILL IN THE BLANKS)
Next time you look in the mirror tell that awesome person the same thing, please.

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nycmusic | @nycmusic | Sep 27 7:17am
In reply to @elsiecow80 "I want to thank everyone for all the response, encouragement and positive advice. Everything said is..." + (show)
Profile picture for elsiecow80 @elsiecow80

I want to thank everyone for all the response, encouragement and positive advice. Everything said is the truth and worthy of the hard work. I’m appreciative of all the experience and strength. I will definitely be putting in the effort.
I am managing much better. I anticipate next visit with much more hope and confidence. Thank you all very much.

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@elsiecow80 thank you for raising this subject bravely and productively….i hope that the responses here resonate with you and others…….as to doctors—for me I want the relationship to be one of partners in healing—we each need to be proactive, do our part, asking questions we have and being sure we get a real responses. Good luck to you and all the good people here.

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missy6874 | @missy6874 | Sep 28 11:30pm
In reply to @elsiecow80 "I want to thank everyone for all the response, encouragement and positive advice. Everything said is..." + (show)
Profile picture for elsiecow80 @elsiecow80

I want to thank everyone for all the response, encouragement and positive advice. Everything said is the truth and worthy of the hard work. I’m appreciative of all the experience and strength. I will definitely be putting in the effort.
I am managing much better. I anticipate next visit with much more hope and confidence. Thank you all very much.

Jump to this post

@elsiecow80 I feel compelled to comment. I have no children but experience everything you do except mine is not about parenting but about being unable to have children plus other events so you are DEFINITELY not alone. Keep sharing it helps.

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premi | @premi | Oct 4 10:52am

Being a good parent,how is it defined.
I lost my only son at the age of two to cancer in 1984.We did our best for him but we were unlucky.At times I have felt,it was good for him to go as his future traumas would have been more. Radiation to his scrotum,meant he will not live like a man. Radiation to the brain meant he is likely to be stunted in growth and may be in intelligence too.Inspite of knowing the bad effects we did our best ofour ability

In 2017 I had stage 3 B rectal cancer and I am in remission now. Two years after my diagnosis my sister in law came to see me. She asked,Have you taken proper treatment or like how you let your son to die,you have not taken it.

For a mother who had done her best and lost her son it was a great certificate .
I just smiled at her and never replied.My conscience mattered more than the certificate

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