@grasping I understand everything you just said. I agree. In fact, I think I actually said this. But probably didn't make myself clear. You don't really have to reach out to others. I pretty much stopped trying to reach out to others for exactly the reasons you said. It is hard to explain what's going on in your head. Who could possibly understand, except maybe those who have similar feelings? What good would it do if others did understand? Would that make you feel any better? Well, maybe....some, I guess. Only you can understand what you feel, and maybe pretty much why. Which means only you can do anything about it. Acknowledge it, and accept it, and then see if you can find something else that you can think about. I always thought times like that would call for something maybe dramatic. Maybe travel to another country, if you can, and see things you've always wanted to see. I guess most of us couldn't do that, unless maybe you could go with a group. Or move somewhere else that sounds possible, for a change of scenery. Or go to school and learn about something that has been interesting to you. Some of the things I have done in the past to try to make my life more interesting, are, I went to a fat farm, (it actually wasn't called that) in California, and lost a bunch of weight, and I was able to feel pretty good about myself for a few years after that. I took a ride in a helicopter down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. That was a great experience. And I got my law degree at the age of 51, from USD in California, with no intention of actually working in that profession. I just like being able to study law. Anyway, that made me think that maybe I wasn't as dumb as I had always felt I was. But that didn't last long. I also enjoyed studying social science, and the physical sciences at UofO (Oregon). I like the physical sciences the best. I was 48 when I got my BS, (science that is). I still like to collect rocks. The thing is, I didn't ask anyone's advice before I did any of those things, I just did what I wanted to. Of course, I am a lot more limited in what I could do now. But I sure like the idea of doing things that people wouldn't expect I would do and not worry about what others thought. It kind of got me excited just thinking about that. I guess I could take a course online now in a subject I have always wanted to learn about. Say, if you can't find a therapist you can talk to who seems to understand your situation, why not take an online course in psychology and be your own therapist? Actually, that is exactly what I started to do when I was taking classes at UofO. My idea started out by asking myself, "if I were a therapist, what would I tell someone who had the exact same problems I do?" OK, I guess I'm getting carried away again. So, I will stop now. Just don't give up on yourself.