Can anyone relate?

Dear Grasping,
Good Day. It can be a good day despite the turmoil and self loathing you may feel. The simple answer is gratitude. Try being thankful for one thing today. Maybe two tomorrow and three the next day etc. We are all pitifully full of flaws but also worthy of life as much as any other living being on this planet. 🌏 It sounds so simple it can’t possibly help, right? If nothing else has helped I just ask you to give it a try. I am glad you reached out here and I hope with all my being that you can find your rightful place in this crazy world. Sending you a smile and hope for a better day today.

Wow, that sounds so much like me for most of my life, even now at 86. My parents weren't alcoholic, but they were very unemotional, I guess you could say. So, much so I doubted they even loved me. I guess I have always thought there was something wrong with me and that is why no one could love me. I found it impossible to relate to other people and spent much of my time by myself just riding my bike all over. My parents never seemed to be concerned about where I was or what I was doing so, I felt free to do whatever I wanted. I almost never did anything to get into trouble. When I got older, I still could not relate to others, I seemed to feel no one liked me so why bother....I guess. I was always self-conscious about how I looked, what I was wearing, if I said the wrong thing. So, I didn't say anything. Yes, I envied others who always seemed popular for reasons I could not understand. Anyway, two marriages gave me no satisfaction whatsoever. Both husbands didn't really seem interested in me as a person, only as someone they could get something from. I won't go into that. I only had two, maybe 3 people in my life who actually seemed to like me the way I was. They are long gone for different reasons, so at least I know what that feels like. Anyway, it wasn't until I was much older, and when I started to lose my eyesight that I began to "see" things in a different way. First, I decided to get a subscription to Audible Books, because I knew I couldn't read anymore. The first book I got, and still have, was the Book of Promise, which is a NKJV of the Bible. I began "reading" it every day. I still do. Something I never did when I could see. Like I said, I began to see things differently, and the first thing I realized was how self-centered I was. I was always thinking of myself, and how I looked, and would anyone like me. It was always me, me, me. When I watched others who didn't seem to have this problem, and who always was there for others, giving them a kind word, and encouraging them, I realized that was how I wanted to be, and stop focusing on myself. These people who were like this, were very popular, and even those who didn't look too "hot" themselves, or dressed funny, or all the things I tried to avoid looking like, but everyone loved them. Why? Because they were focused on others and not themselves. I still can't be around people, and in some way, I am almost happy that I am no longer able to be. But my focus has changed. I can relate to others who feel the way I have all myself. I understand how people can feel the way they feel, and I can try to give them encouragement, and pray for them when they are sick. There are so many people who are suffering in the world. They are much worse off than I am. So, I guess what I am trying to say is that I will always have a problem talking with other people, and always feel out of place with others, but I won't focus on myself anymore and focus on those who are really suffering. I won't worry so much about what others think of me. By the way I think you are very fortunate to no longer have sexual desires. Even though I will never experience that pleasure with the man I love and who loves me with the same passion, I still desire it, and I wish those feelings would go away. So, if people don't like who I am that is their problem, not mine. I don't think I really explained this the way I wanted. There I go again. Anyway, reading the Bible every day helped me a lot and I am also able to focus on God much better than I ever did before, and I believe that has had a great deal to do with my change in focus. No, I don't think I said all of this very well. But, I hope it somehow helped in some way. Take care of yourself.

@mariannewmoon,
you might try a stellate ganglion block. I suspect that you have PTSD. These injections are given in pain centers. It is a very small investment in time and may work wonders for you.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8664306/

@gently Are you sure you are replying to the right person? I am pretty sure I don't have PTSD. You must have mixed me up with someone else.

@mariannewmoon, my apologies.

@gently I don't expect feelings like you, and all of us who can relate, will ever completely go away. I guess my point has always been to accept them, realizing you can't do anything about what has happened in the past, and then stop living your life focusing on them. There are many other things you can find in the world that you could focus on that are more uplifting, beautiful, helpful to others, God, if you are so inclined, or maybe just plain fun. Eventually those negative thoughts should not have such a hold on you, because you have found other things, that are more satisfying to focus on. At least, that would be the goal. It could take some time, and practice too. Maybe that just sounds too simple. I guess a few years back I would have thought so. But I'm glad I finally came to that realization, for me anyway.

I am not sure if your coments are for me or @gently!

@grasping They were for you. You are the one that started this conversation....right? Oh, but I answered on @gently didn't I? Sorry, I forget to keep track of making sure I am answering on the right comment. But you figured it out...right?

I was not sure. I never had anyone tell me I may have PTSD. I looked it up and realized that it is possible. I doesn't matter anymore. I do not get help when I go to doctors. I am foolish to keep reaching out like this. I am miserable and it is because I am a horrible person and cannot fix myself. I just got into an argument with my ex and when this happens I look internally and realize it is all my fault. I get the feeling that my children and family and friends are all sick of me. I cannot fix this!!!! I am crying and tired and I know I will end up all alone and deserve it. Sorry to complain and not be grateful and all that. On Tuesday, September 1, 2026 at